(no subject)
Epilogue to Propriety Lost:
The First Steps to Recession
Thus began
Outrage from lifeless things.*
“Hey you, how’ve you been?”
The door swings open-
The breath of spring and snow intermingled in a gust-
My mind swings shut.
Bang.
“Fine!”
“Oh miserable of happy!”
As bright and pretty, was my cry,
As a hollowed out cylinder of crystal.
Finefinefinefinefine-
That’s all I really say these days -
Oh, and,
“Yourself?”
“Better!”
You spot one of your kind
And chat it up.
Now’s my chance!
Ordering coffee is
Generally the best part of the day but now I find I’m racing and
Pacing and watching the milk steam with
Screaming in my ears and tears blurring my vision as you ask,
Damn-
“How’s your semester?
How many hours?”
For what can I increase
Or multiply, but curses on my head?
See where ‘hello’ gets you?
You stand before me,
As you did when I was rich
With wonder,
Why do I overlive?
But now you dim in my vision,
Why am I mocked with death?
And I can’t even weep for
What I lost,
Because I never gained it.
…And lengthened out
To deathless pain?
You’re just making idle conversation
Because you feel you should.
How sweet, Teach.
“I
Um,
Oh,
Well-"
Damn.
"Dropped a few classes.
Few hours.”
He had to ask
The question
That would
Kill me.
“Oh?”
His dreadful voice no more
Would thunder in my ears.
“It’s better! I’m good.”
Lieslieslieslieslies.
But you can’t see that.
You just want your damn coffee.
We all just want our damn coffee.
Dude,
What is she doing over there-
Eating the whipped cream off of my mayan mocha?
O were I able
To waste it all myself
And leave ye none!
“You had a rough one
Last year -
How are you?”
Change topic,
You is better than me -
Wait,
Why did I-
“Eh, busy with a conference-“
Why is he
“-I have to get over -“
Talking to me
Like he cared before?
“-this week before -“
When I cared before?
“-Things clear over-“
I grip the cardboard sleeve
And wait for him to finish.
I was five and he was six.
“I hope things go well.
Have a good week.
Take care!”
Fond wish!
I’m very polite, drawing up
An impossibly happy smile
While you take your
Sandwich and Italian roast-
Whatever, you ARE Italian roast -
And walk out the door
Bang -
Bang, that awful sound.
I’m broken now-
And concludes thee miserable
Beyond all past example and future -
So I pick up the pieces,
And I walk out the door
And remember the time -
O conscience -
When I used to be a girl -
Into what abyss of fears-
With dreams, -
And horrors, -
Instead of this woman,-
Hast thou driv’n me -
I have become, -
Out of which I find no way -
And the no one -
From deep to deeper plunged!-
I am becoming.
Bang-bang,
My baby shot me down.
Everything in bold:
Milton's Paradise Lost
The song lyrics italicized:
Nancy Sinatra, "Bang Bang"
The First Steps to Recession
Thus began
Outrage from lifeless things.*
“Hey you, how’ve you been?”
The door swings open-
The breath of spring and snow intermingled in a gust-
My mind swings shut.
Bang.
“Fine!”
“Oh miserable of happy!”
As bright and pretty, was my cry,
As a hollowed out cylinder of crystal.
Finefinefinefinefine-
That’s all I really say these days -
Oh, and,
“Yourself?”
“Better!”
You spot one of your kind
And chat it up.
Now’s my chance!
Ordering coffee is
Generally the best part of the day but now I find I’m racing and
Pacing and watching the milk steam with
Screaming in my ears and tears blurring my vision as you ask,
Damn-
“How’s your semester?
How many hours?”
For what can I increase
Or multiply, but curses on my head?
See where ‘hello’ gets you?
You stand before me,
As you did when I was rich
With wonder,
Why do I overlive?
But now you dim in my vision,
Why am I mocked with death?
And I can’t even weep for
What I lost,
Because I never gained it.
…And lengthened out
To deathless pain?
You’re just making idle conversation
Because you feel you should.
How sweet, Teach.
“I
Um,
Oh,
Well-"
Damn.
"Dropped a few classes.
Few hours.”
He had to ask
The question
That would
Kill me.
“Oh?”
His dreadful voice no more
Would thunder in my ears.
“It’s better! I’m good.”
Lieslieslieslieslies.
But you can’t see that.
You just want your damn coffee.
We all just want our damn coffee.
Dude,
What is she doing over there-
Eating the whipped cream off of my mayan mocha?
O were I able
To waste it all myself
And leave ye none!
“You had a rough one
Last year -
How are you?”
Change topic,
You is better than me -
Wait,
Why did I-
“Eh, busy with a conference-“
Why is he
“-I have to get over -“
Talking to me
Like he cared before?
“-this week before -“
When I cared before?
“-Things clear over-“
I grip the cardboard sleeve
And wait for him to finish.
I was five and he was six.
“I hope things go well.
Have a good week.
Take care!”
Fond wish!
I’m very polite, drawing up
An impossibly happy smile
While you take your
Sandwich and Italian roast-
Whatever, you ARE Italian roast -
And walk out the door
Bang -
Bang, that awful sound.
I’m broken now-
And concludes thee miserable
Beyond all past example and future -
So I pick up the pieces,
And I walk out the door
And remember the time -
O conscience -
When I used to be a girl -
Into what abyss of fears-
With dreams, -
And horrors, -
Instead of this woman,-
Hast thou driv’n me -
I have become, -
Out of which I find no way -
And the no one -
From deep to deeper plunged!-
I am becoming.
Bang-bang,
My baby shot me down.
Everything in bold:
Milton's Paradise Lost
The song lyrics italicized:
Nancy Sinatra, "Bang Bang"