Comments | a_lifestyle: [Fic] "A Future, Once Seen"

a_lifestyle

[Fic] "A Future, Once Seen"

Jan 22, 2011 21:32

Title: A Future, Once Seen
Author: a_lifestyle
Fandom: Naruto (Kakasaku)
Rating: PG (Angst.)
Words: 3,158
Summary: ( Forever with him. A perfect world. )

naruto, challenges & contests, fanfic

Comments 12

denilmo January 23 2011, 03:41:22 UTC

Oh my ....

So here I am pleasantly reading along, giggling at some of the characters antics (I'm sure you can guess which ones), pausing to laugh at Kakashi being called Grandpa, and generally enjoying the serene moment between Kakashi and Sakura and basking in the beautiful scenery you painted it all in ...

And then Bam!! Here I am wondering what's happened to her friends, to Kakashi and then I get to the last two lines and ... my lip wibbled in the most sad way, lol. I really enjoyed it ali!! For someone who started writing for the prompt how many times was it you said? You did great! It was very beautifully written <333

a_lifestyle January 23 2011, 20:11:39 UTC

Thank you, Deni. :3 You're such a fast reader! I don't think I'll get to reading until tomorrow at least. XD Good luck to us, for the next round!!

gothirishrose January 23 2011, 19:18:51 UTC

I second Deni's comment. I still have tears pricking my eyes... damn, girl, that was beautiful.

a_lifestyle January 23 2011, 20:12:32 UTC

B'awww, no tears. :3 Thank you for reading, I really appreciate the comment. <3

gothirishrose January 23 2011, 21:17:48 UTC

Aw, I'm just a softie at heart.

flibbergibbet January 24 2011, 15:09:36 UTC

WOMAN, YOU GUT ME.

Team Seven banter and cuteness and daddy!Naruto and then BAM, DESPAIR. Gutted, I say.

Absolutely lovely, though. I think you did an excellent job capturing the mood of the whole poem the prompt came from, too, in fact perhaps the best of the entries I read. Props, sister!

Also:

"I have a solution," Sakura says quickly, then nods apologetically at Sasuke. "I'll buy your lunch next time." He appears puzzled, but begins to sputter uncharacteristically as she stands, and he realizes her intent.

"Kids!!" Sakura bellows into the surrounding forests. "Uncle Sasuke is here, and he wants to spar all three of you!!"

Sakura is an evil, evil woman, and I love it.

a_lifestyle January 25 2011, 16:55:38 UTC

THANKS, BB!! Yours really struck me in this challenge and was definitely one of the best, IMO.

WE RITE GUD SUMTIMEZ, YAYZ.

Also, I think that "BAM, DESPAIR" kind of describes at least 75% of what I write. Maybe I need to make an icon of that. XD

skylar_inari January 25 2011, 02:16:51 UTC

Oh ow. This is a beautiful piece--I love the idyllic feel of it--

("But, Dad, what if we hurt you?" Hizashi asks eagerly.

"Well, then, that's my fault for misjudging your strength. No mercy!"

"NO MERCY!" his kids repeat, their expressions gravely serious. and

Kakashi wipes his mouth with the back of his arm. "Oh, I've got that covered. Just ask him to give you a head start--he'll be so excited that you're willingly accepting a challenge, that he'll say yes. I've got a pair of boots with soles that are cut in the shape of hands--"

"Of all the traditions to be passed down," Sakura begins, holding her head in her hands.

--made me laugh out loud, and then it turns so dark and Sakura just retreats from reality to go back to that happy dream she was in and ow. Very well done!

a_lifestyle January 25 2011, 16:57:11 UTC

Inspired by my favorite writing blogger, The Rejectionist, I have a poster above my bulletin board that reads, "NO MERCY" in giant letters. ENCOURAGEMENT FOR THE DAY. XD

Thank you so much!! <3

(The comment has been removed)

a_lifestyle January 25 2011, 16:57:33 UTC

B'awwww, thank you for reading it, Dawnie. <3 <3 <3