[Fic] "A Purpose for Numbers" (1/?)

[a_lifestyle]

Title: A Purpose for Numbers (1/?)
Author: a_lifestyle
Fandom: Gundam Wing (3x6, a little 1x3, others))
Rating: R (Sexin’, Angstin’, Angsty Sexin’…)
Words: 4,316
Summary:

Comments

[masa_reforged]

well, hell.

you know, first thing that struck me when i went into this story was absolute confusion. pure question mark. i couldn't tell if this was post Endless Waltz, an alternate universe. i thought for a second that somehow Trowa had worked to double cross Heero, or then that maybe, I have no idea. question marks. and the biggest one came behind, "why is Trowa coming to Zechs?"

so, i am person who lacks patience, in almost all respects of the word. i can not sit through a story sometimes if there are one or two burning questions at the back of my mind. so i, more or less, jet-set through the first two scenes. i did stop to take note of the counting theme, and i actually found myself wanting more of that. also noticed that, although you have some nice, long, nitty-gritty, detail filled descriptions, what i enjoyed most were the bullet short sentences, the stiletto sharp asides.

well, when i started to get some answers (Heero was dead under mysterious circumstances, and even Relena doesn't know why Trowa came to Zechs), I calmed down, a lot. Got to really appreciating this thing, particularly the dialogue. I fucking love dialogue, and you kept everyone in character, even while delivering a change of pace (Zechs before, then in his talk with Relena, Trowa before, then after Zechs gets back from meeting Relena) that I thought did alot to spice up the whole piece. you had some really good lines in there, and I'll pull them when I'm done rambling about this.

kept the characters pretty much in character (i did think Trowa was a bit soft/insecure in a few parts, but that's understandable given the situation) didn't insist too much on on the psychological undertones, got lots of buttsex in (while keeping the men men, kudos on that), created a full, rich environment within a simple setting. the thing was solid the whole way through, and my only beef would have to be with the shift in focus between Zechs and Trowa during the sex scene (I am one of those fastidious types who will, until the day I die, say that a scene should be written from one character's perspective only). but that's nitpicking, and I really am looking forward to seeing more of this, or whatever you got to dish.

things i liked:
The floor was hardwood and his steps were heavy. Filled the room.
A fragment, sure, but, damn, it has impact! You did stuff like this several times throughout the fic, and I really enjoyed most of them.

The four fingers of his right hand clutched his arm. He had only taken eight steps into the room and stood still as a streetlamp; Zechs didn’t know if the boy could summon the strength to move.
Clear, flowing detail, imagery, and the numbers motif. A good balance throughout, but this part right here was the one that struck me best.

Trowa tensed, spider webs in his neck.
King of imagery line for me.

“Are you a vegetarian?” he asked the dinnerware.
first real showing, to me, of Zechs' dry wit. shows much more later on in the story as you get more dialogue going.

He knew that waking up alone from now on was not an option.
Says a lot without many words. Brevity is the soul of wit because depth is the measurement of brilliance.

He didn’t know what Trowa would do with his day. That was okay.
“We were much more selfish than that.”
can't choose between the two, which i like as the best line overall in the fic.

More than a little upset with myself that I have to re-read this and didn't do a thorough, well-paced read through this first time.

sorry for the long as fuck comment

[a_lifestyle]

Please don't apologize for the length. It took me awhile to work my way through the comment, but that's what I like--a kind of dialogue. Thank you for taking time to read this thing that I've thrust out into the fandom, like, 10 years too late. :D I think that Gundam Wing is very complex and emotional and layered, which is why it terrifies me a bit to write about it. It can be interpreted in many different ways. I like to hear other's points of view.

I remember watching GW for the first time, and many times afterwards, and never with other people, always by myself. So, I never really had anyone else to talk with about the show, until I started writing fic. I'm really interested always in what people have to say about the way that I characterize, even if it's not good things, so I can try to understand different perspective.

And, when I am very excited for a fic, I usually have to read it 2 or 3 times, because I get a little too giddy--so, I understand. :D Thank you, again--I hope the next part lives up to the first.