welcome to the winter of my discontent
i learned a word today in my philosophy class.
weltschmerz.
it is apparently one of those words that there is not a literal translation in english. but its apparently the german word which means world weariness or world pain. uses of the word have sometimes referred to feeling experienced by someone who understands that the physical reality can never satisfy the demands of the mind. the modern meaning of weltschmerz in the german language is the psychological pain caused by sadness, that can occur when realizing that someone's own weaknesses are caused by the inappropriateness and cruelty of the world and (physical and social) circumstances. the modern meaning should also be compared with the concept of anomie, or a kind of alienation.
uh, yeah. never before have i ever read a word that completely described how i felt.
i am exhausted. i know there have been times in my life where i have complained about my problems or felt severely depressed. for the first time, none of this is self-inflicted. almost every sad thing i feel is somehow inflicted on me by the world.
care to read a list? not to make this into a "look at how much more i suffer than you post!" i just feel as if this expression really requires supporting information.
-mike moved units in the army. he will most likely be deployed right after the wedding.
-my brother is a heroin addict. nothing anyone has attempted has worked. every time i talk to
my dad he sounds so sad. that is nothing a child should ever experience because there is
nothing i can do.
-my grandmother had a stroke today. it comes on the heel of another battle with cancer and a
knee replacement and she is truly giving up.
-school sucks. i hate my school and i am starting to really resent my classes. i knew this was
going to be a difficult year in general, but the exhaustion i feel because of my classes is
exacerbated by the problems in my personal life and vice versa. i got the worst grade i
have ever gotten on an exam since high school, and its because im not trying hard enough.
i'm trying to try, but it has been really hard.
-im so broke because of school. it makes everything worse. do i not spend what money i have
poorly? yes. do i care to stop? not really. whether i budget or not i always end up
counting coins for food at the end of the month and it is the worst feeling ever.
-and the other situation. i dont even really have anything to say about that anymore. i would
love to live in a world where the internet doesnt exist and things like Philebrity blogs
dont make me cry on the train. im done fighting and im done worrying about that. its self
destructive.
do i have good things? of course. i love my friends and im very excited about the courses ill be teaching. i just hope i make it that far. at this rate i doubt ill make it to halloween.
weltschmerz.
it is apparently one of those words that there is not a literal translation in english. but its apparently the german word which means world weariness or world pain. uses of the word have sometimes referred to feeling experienced by someone who understands that the physical reality can never satisfy the demands of the mind. the modern meaning of weltschmerz in the german language is the psychological pain caused by sadness, that can occur when realizing that someone's own weaknesses are caused by the inappropriateness and cruelty of the world and (physical and social) circumstances. the modern meaning should also be compared with the concept of anomie, or a kind of alienation.
uh, yeah. never before have i ever read a word that completely described how i felt.
i am exhausted. i know there have been times in my life where i have complained about my problems or felt severely depressed. for the first time, none of this is self-inflicted. almost every sad thing i feel is somehow inflicted on me by the world.
care to read a list? not to make this into a "look at how much more i suffer than you post!" i just feel as if this expression really requires supporting information.
-mike moved units in the army. he will most likely be deployed right after the wedding.
-my brother is a heroin addict. nothing anyone has attempted has worked. every time i talk to
my dad he sounds so sad. that is nothing a child should ever experience because there is
nothing i can do.
-my grandmother had a stroke today. it comes on the heel of another battle with cancer and a
knee replacement and she is truly giving up.
-school sucks. i hate my school and i am starting to really resent my classes. i knew this was
going to be a difficult year in general, but the exhaustion i feel because of my classes is
exacerbated by the problems in my personal life and vice versa. i got the worst grade i
have ever gotten on an exam since high school, and its because im not trying hard enough.
i'm trying to try, but it has been really hard.
-im so broke because of school. it makes everything worse. do i not spend what money i have
poorly? yes. do i care to stop? not really. whether i budget or not i always end up
counting coins for food at the end of the month and it is the worst feeling ever.
-and the other situation. i dont even really have anything to say about that anymore. i would
love to live in a world where the internet doesnt exist and things like Philebrity blogs
dont make me cry on the train. im done fighting and im done worrying about that. its self
destructive.
do i have good things? of course. i love my friends and im very excited about the courses ill be teaching. i just hope i make it that far. at this rate i doubt ill make it to halloween.