Returns and Exchanges
INT. CLOTHING DEPT. STORE - DAY
[A well-groomed middle-aged white woman stands behind the "Returns and Exchanges" counter at an unnamed department store. The counter has a small line of customers, each holding at least one item to either return or exchange for something else. The current customer, an elderly Hispanic woman, hands the Returns and Exchange lady a skirt and a receipt.]
RETURNS AND EXCHANGES LADY: [running the receipt through the register] Ok...ma'am. [hands her money] Your change is $40 [hands her change] and twenty-seven cents. [she smiles at the Hispanic lady]
HISPANIC LADY CUSTOMER: [putting her money away and smiling in kind] Thank you.
RETURNS AND EXCHANGES LADY: [friendly] You're very welcome. Ok, next?
[Up walks a relatively handsome white man in his early 30s. He wears nicely tailored khaki pants and a large, ill-fitting brown jacket with black leather elbow guards. Unlike the other customers, he carries nothing to be returned or exchanged. He appears both angry and uncomfortable, traits the Returns and Exchanges lady immediately picks up on.]
RETURNS AND EXCHANGES LADY: [trying not to frown/snicker at the anachronistic jacket] Good afternoon, sir. How can I help you?
IRATE CUSTOMER: [curt, blank-faced, and sarcastic] I want to return something, and I want to return it now.
RETURNS AND EXCHANGES LADY: [looking for whatever it is he wants to return] Okay...sir. And what would you like to return?
[The customer, holding back his ire, slowly and painfully removes his jacket to reveal the following:]
[The display shocks both the Returns and Exchanges lady and the other customers waiting in line.]
IRATE CUSTOMER: [sarcastic in tone] In case you couldn't tell, I seem to have had an allergic reaction to a shirt I purchased from this very store not three hours ago. Now, when I chose Mervyn's as my shopping destination, I expected nothing but the very best! [as he rants and raves, the Returns and Exchanges lady bites her lips and appears to want to break in and tell him something. However, he won't let her] Now, I don't know what kind of detergents or fabrics you people use, but I've never had this problem before anywhere else!
RETURNS AND EXCHANGES LADY: [attempting to reach her hand out and break into the rant] Sir, if I could just...
IRATE CUSTOMER: [becoming even louder and more irate; interrupting] Now if it was just me having this allergic skin reaction, I might say, "Well, gosh, maybe it's just my skin that's overly sensitive to some type of dye or something," but...well, look at this [turns his head to his right and calls after someone off screen] Davy, get over here and show the lady!
[Up walks the following little boy:]
[Like before, everyone, including the Returns and Exchanges lady, gasps.]
IRATE CUSTOMER: [holding his boy dearly and closely to him] So not only do I want to return these low-quality, cheaply made shirts, I'm going to sue you and your goddamn company for every penny you're worth!! [bangs his fist down on the counter]
RETURNS AND EXCHANGES LADY: [sighs both out of frustration and out of fear] Sir, have you ever bought a dress shirt from a department store before?
IRATE CUSTOMER: What?! What kind of asinine question is that?! Of course I have! [pauses for a split second] Well, my wife has, but it's my hard-earned money!
RETURNS AND EXCHANGES LADY: [nodding; reaches up her hand and, with trepidation, extends it toward the customer] It's just that...[reaches her hand up to the customer's chest] You've got to...[grimaces as she quickly yanks back her hand, which causes the customer to flinch]...remove the pins before you put them on, sir.
[The customer immediately turns red and appears self-conscious]
IRATE CUSTOMER: [after a long pause; now fidgety] Oh...I see. [pauses to think] Well, is it all right if I exchange these for two new ones? I mean, we've barely even worn them, right, Davy??
[LONG CLOSE UP of the father and son's blood-drenched shirts.]
RETURNS AND EXCHANGES LADY: [Her eyes wide; reaches down to grab a piece of paper from her counter, but never stops looking at the customer with a look of shock] Here's a 10% off coupon on your next purchase.
[The customer, still embarrassed, takes the coupon and begins to walk away. However, he stops when he remembers something.]
IRATE CUSTOMER: [still embarrassed] Oh, yeah, just one more thing. Do you think I could get an exchange on these?
[He reaches into his brown, anachronistic jacket and retrieves the following:]
[The Returns and Exchanges lady is left dumbfounded and with her mouth agape.]
[A well-groomed middle-aged white woman stands behind the "Returns and Exchanges" counter at an unnamed department store. The counter has a small line of customers, each holding at least one item to either return or exchange for something else. The current customer, an elderly Hispanic woman, hands the Returns and Exchange lady a skirt and a receipt.]
RETURNS AND EXCHANGES LADY: [running the receipt through the register] Ok...ma'am. [hands her money] Your change is $40 [hands her change] and twenty-seven cents. [she smiles at the Hispanic lady]
HISPANIC LADY CUSTOMER: [putting her money away and smiling in kind] Thank you.
RETURNS AND EXCHANGES LADY: [friendly] You're very welcome. Ok, next?
[Up walks a relatively handsome white man in his early 30s. He wears nicely tailored khaki pants and a large, ill-fitting brown jacket with black leather elbow guards. Unlike the other customers, he carries nothing to be returned or exchanged. He appears both angry and uncomfortable, traits the Returns and Exchanges lady immediately picks up on.]
RETURNS AND EXCHANGES LADY: [trying not to frown/snicker at the anachronistic jacket] Good afternoon, sir. How can I help you?
IRATE CUSTOMER: [curt, blank-faced, and sarcastic] I want to return something, and I want to return it now.
RETURNS AND EXCHANGES LADY: [looking for whatever it is he wants to return] Okay...sir. And what would you like to return?
[The customer, holding back his ire, slowly and painfully removes his jacket to reveal the following:]
[The display shocks both the Returns and Exchanges lady and the other customers waiting in line.]
IRATE CUSTOMER: [sarcastic in tone] In case you couldn't tell, I seem to have had an allergic reaction to a shirt I purchased from this very store not three hours ago. Now, when I chose Mervyn's as my shopping destination, I expected nothing but the very best! [as he rants and raves, the Returns and Exchanges lady bites her lips and appears to want to break in and tell him something. However, he won't let her] Now, I don't know what kind of detergents or fabrics you people use, but I've never had this problem before anywhere else!
RETURNS AND EXCHANGES LADY: [attempting to reach her hand out and break into the rant] Sir, if I could just...
IRATE CUSTOMER: [becoming even louder and more irate; interrupting] Now if it was just me having this allergic skin reaction, I might say, "Well, gosh, maybe it's just my skin that's overly sensitive to some type of dye or something," but...well, look at this [turns his head to his right and calls after someone off screen] Davy, get over here and show the lady!
[Up walks the following little boy:]
[Like before, everyone, including the Returns and Exchanges lady, gasps.]
IRATE CUSTOMER: [holding his boy dearly and closely to him] So not only do I want to return these low-quality, cheaply made shirts, I'm going to sue you and your goddamn company for every penny you're worth!! [bangs his fist down on the counter]
RETURNS AND EXCHANGES LADY: [sighs both out of frustration and out of fear] Sir, have you ever bought a dress shirt from a department store before?
IRATE CUSTOMER: What?! What kind of asinine question is that?! Of course I have! [pauses for a split second] Well, my wife has, but it's my hard-earned money!
RETURNS AND EXCHANGES LADY: [nodding; reaches up her hand and, with trepidation, extends it toward the customer] It's just that...[reaches her hand up to the customer's chest] You've got to...[grimaces as she quickly yanks back her hand, which causes the customer to flinch]...remove the pins before you put them on, sir.
[The customer immediately turns red and appears self-conscious]
IRATE CUSTOMER: [after a long pause; now fidgety] Oh...I see. [pauses to think] Well, is it all right if I exchange these for two new ones? I mean, we've barely even worn them, right, Davy??
[LONG CLOSE UP of the father and son's blood-drenched shirts.]
RETURNS AND EXCHANGES LADY: [Her eyes wide; reaches down to grab a piece of paper from her counter, but never stops looking at the customer with a look of shock] Here's a 10% off coupon on your next purchase.
[The customer, still embarrassed, takes the coupon and begins to walk away. However, he stops when he remembers something.]
IRATE CUSTOMER: [still embarrassed] Oh, yeah, just one more thing. Do you think I could get an exchange on these?
[He reaches into his brown, anachronistic jacket and retrieves the following:]
[The Returns and Exchanges lady is left dumbfounded and with her mouth agape.]