it hurts so bad
Seriously... I am fucked up. I cant even do anything about it. I just don't want to go out and I just want to sit here in my room bc its one place where no one can hurt me. I don't really have any real friends. All I feel like i have is my family. At the times i have been so lost recently they have been the only people who were there for me and the only people who even fuckin noticed how fucked up I've been. But I dont even know if i have that much of a right to get pissed...I should have seen it comming. I always give so much more then I have EVER gotten back. Well fuck all you people. I'm done with helping you and making you feel better and going out because you're down, or telling you to come over bc you need to talk even tho Im doing something, or telling a bf i need to hang with a friend for once and just never getting it back. I just hate myself so much and I dont know why. I hate everything. I always thought that every single person had just a little bit of good in them. Now i think its a complete shock if they have any good in them at all. I am such a misanthrope. I just wanna go to school for medical billing so i can get a job and sit at home or in an office and never really have to deal with people. I just wanna crawl in a deep dark hole and never really come out. But ill keep my hand up and if someone gives enough of a shit you can grab it and try to help.