What I Got
After taking the Landmark Forum Advanced Course, the world DEFINITELY comes in a different light. I take responsibility for everything in my world. "I am my word." Do you get it? I'm not sure if it's Landmark jargon.
I'm very glad I took the Advanced Course. In Landmark Forum, I got a lot. I could make my problems disappear. I talked with my mom. Said: "I love you. Do you love me?" (I was always afraid to ask before.) She said: "I love you, honey." XDD Yaaay~ my mom loves me. And everything that ticked me off about her just disappears. Communication is possible! YES.
It was rather funny because as we were driving home, I caught myself getting mad over nothing. And got over it very fast. XD Basically, she was talking a lot, and then asked, "Oh, where am I going?" Pssh... and I got really mad because I thought: "Why the hell don't you know where you're going?! We're going home! Pay attention because you're driving!" etc etc. Haha, all she did was ask "Where am I going?" :P So I took a big breath, let go of my anger, and just said (with a laugh), "We're going home, mom." Weird how much that voice in my head talks so much, talking as if it knows everything that's going on inside of everyone else's mind. HA. So of course it would take one small question and create this huge world/rant from something small. Oh dear. I'm glad I can ignore that voice.
From the Landmark Forum, I also got to face all my fears and realize that even if they all happen, I still have it in me to reach out and try again. Not that it made my fears go away, but now my fears are meaningless.
From the Advanced Course, I got that I can stand for other people and help them in any way I can. I see my possible almost-certain future is living in my own world, never reaching out to others, being on my own, and nothing would ever make a difference. But by reaching out to others, I can really make a difference with my world.
Of course, playing Miss Jr.-Landmark-Forum-Leader didn't work out so well, as Barry (my Landmark Forum and Advance Course Leader) said. No one likes being held responsible for what they say, as I saw at the Forum. Now I'm confronting, "WHOA, people in my world don't want to be held responsible either." Because then they'd have to be responsible for why they think their life sucks. But I'm saying, "You matter to me. Don't brush me off because I'm here and I care. I'll support you in any way I can." And one of the ways I can is to invite you to the Landmark Forum. But that's not the only thing I can do.
One of BIGGEST points of the Advanced Course was to find the SOURCE of all my excuses, which essentially say "Leave me alone." but personalized. Ooh yay. Personalization. ^^ My "act" (as Landmark calls it) is "(You/I) don't care." But man, when I had to walk onto the stage and declare who I am as a possibility and give up my act, I really confronted my "act". See, the exercise was to walk onstage, be greeted with a round of applause, take in the moment and being with the people in the room, then declare. I was totally READY to take on the stage, it was gonna be so EASY. I mean, it's not like anyone cared what I going to say. [Haha. See it? It's EVERYWHERE for me.] When I walked onto the stage, people applauded me. And they applauded everyone, but all of the sudden I thought, "OMG. PRESSURE." I could feel it in the way my body was curling away from the crowd. They could see it, and cheered harder to support me. And I just cried because I had to confront "They care (about me)." So I cried harder, and stepped forward (into the new future) and said: "Who I am is the possibility of peace and love. The act I am giving up is 'You don't care.' And that is who I am." (insert struggling with sobs) I got more standing applause, lots of high-fives and pats on the back and hand-shaking on my way back to my seat.
After, we discussed what we were passionate with another exercise. The first time was with my partner totally not listening to a word of what I was saying. And I dealt with "they don't care~" and kept stuttering in and out, lots of "umms". Some people said that eventually, they didn't care what they were passionate about. Then we did it again, but the other person had to listen to every single word as if it were golden. And I was so surprised how quick and precise my wording was. With only one "umm", right before I started (when I was making sure I got her attention). I'm not sure I ever said or wrote something that precise before without major editing. What I got: Others' not listening kills my dreams/passions. And it happened before. So I'm taking my chances and telling you my dream.
I want to produce media (movies, tv shows, music) that promote crossing cultural boundaries so people can get into someone else's world and understand where they come from. By doing this, we will create ease in diplomacy and relations between the countries starting with its people (and children), because through media, people let their guards down and let things in.
But that is just the stepping stone that I could stop at. What I REALLY want, am passionate about, and could give my life for is world peace.
Oh man, that's scary. Everytime I say that, all survival instincts kick in to kill that dream. They killed J.F.Kennedy. They killed Martin Luther King, Jr. And Gandhi. And people cry. People hurt others on a "march for peace". They arrest and refuse "free hugs". It's all so weird. Right now, I'm confronting my possible almost-certain future learning irish dancing, working for college soap operas, and getting jobs that come my way and worrying about how money is going to work - I could go on and on. The point is, I'm giving up "I don't care." And now... to be that possibility of peace... *grumble* My survival instincts are kicking in too. Oooh, being human is so interesting. ^^
I'm very glad I took the Advanced Course. In Landmark Forum, I got a lot. I could make my problems disappear. I talked with my mom. Said: "I love you. Do you love me?" (I was always afraid to ask before.) She said: "I love you, honey." XDD Yaaay~ my mom loves me. And everything that ticked me off about her just disappears. Communication is possible! YES.
It was rather funny because as we were driving home, I caught myself getting mad over nothing. And got over it very fast. XD Basically, she was talking a lot, and then asked, "Oh, where am I going?" Pssh... and I got really mad because I thought: "Why the hell don't you know where you're going?! We're going home! Pay attention because you're driving!" etc etc. Haha, all she did was ask "Where am I going?" :P So I took a big breath, let go of my anger, and just said (with a laugh), "We're going home, mom." Weird how much that voice in my head talks so much, talking as if it knows everything that's going on inside of everyone else's mind. HA. So of course it would take one small question and create this huge world/rant from something small. Oh dear. I'm glad I can ignore that voice.
From the Landmark Forum, I also got to face all my fears and realize that even if they all happen, I still have it in me to reach out and try again. Not that it made my fears go away, but now my fears are meaningless.
From the Advanced Course, I got that I can stand for other people and help them in any way I can. I see my possible almost-certain future is living in my own world, never reaching out to others, being on my own, and nothing would ever make a difference. But by reaching out to others, I can really make a difference with my world.
Of course, playing Miss Jr.-Landmark-Forum-Leader didn't work out so well, as Barry (my Landmark Forum and Advance Course Leader) said. No one likes being held responsible for what they say, as I saw at the Forum. Now I'm confronting, "WHOA, people in my world don't want to be held responsible either." Because then they'd have to be responsible for why they think their life sucks. But I'm saying, "You matter to me. Don't brush me off because I'm here and I care. I'll support you in any way I can." And one of the ways I can is to invite you to the Landmark Forum. But that's not the only thing I can do.
One of BIGGEST points of the Advanced Course was to find the SOURCE of all my excuses, which essentially say "Leave me alone." but personalized. Ooh yay. Personalization. ^^ My "act" (as Landmark calls it) is "(You/I) don't care." But man, when I had to walk onto the stage and declare who I am as a possibility and give up my act, I really confronted my "act". See, the exercise was to walk onstage, be greeted with a round of applause, take in the moment and being with the people in the room, then declare. I was totally READY to take on the stage, it was gonna be so EASY. I mean, it's not like anyone cared what I going to say. [Haha. See it? It's EVERYWHERE for me.] When I walked onto the stage, people applauded me. And they applauded everyone, but all of the sudden I thought, "OMG. PRESSURE." I could feel it in the way my body was curling away from the crowd. They could see it, and cheered harder to support me. And I just cried because I had to confront "They care (about me)." So I cried harder, and stepped forward (into the new future) and said: "Who I am is the possibility of peace and love. The act I am giving up is 'You don't care.' And that is who I am." (insert struggling with sobs) I got more standing applause, lots of high-fives and pats on the back and hand-shaking on my way back to my seat.
After, we discussed what we were passionate with another exercise. The first time was with my partner totally not listening to a word of what I was saying. And I dealt with "they don't care~" and kept stuttering in and out, lots of "umms". Some people said that eventually, they didn't care what they were passionate about. Then we did it again, but the other person had to listen to every single word as if it were golden. And I was so surprised how quick and precise my wording was. With only one "umm", right before I started (when I was making sure I got her attention). I'm not sure I ever said or wrote something that precise before without major editing. What I got: Others' not listening kills my dreams/passions. And it happened before. So I'm taking my chances and telling you my dream.
I want to produce media (movies, tv shows, music) that promote crossing cultural boundaries so people can get into someone else's world and understand where they come from. By doing this, we will create ease in diplomacy and relations between the countries starting with its people (and children), because through media, people let their guards down and let things in.
But that is just the stepping stone that I could stop at. What I REALLY want, am passionate about, and could give my life for is world peace.
Oh man, that's scary. Everytime I say that, all survival instincts kick in to kill that dream. They killed J.F.Kennedy. They killed Martin Luther King, Jr. And Gandhi. And people cry. People hurt others on a "march for peace". They arrest and refuse "free hugs". It's all so weird. Right now, I'm confronting my possible almost-certain future learning irish dancing, working for college soap operas, and getting jobs that come my way and worrying about how money is going to work - I could go on and on. The point is, I'm giving up "I don't care." And now... to be that possibility of peace... *grumble* My survival instincts are kicking in too. Oooh, being human is so interesting. ^^