The begining.
So I've decied that while Tom goes away to the oritent.. or the suburb of it.. I'll keep a little journal. This one seemed to be the right one to do it. So just to let it be known, i'll pictures and what i've done that day. and of course, as always thoughts. So for the next 12 days, get used to me.
Today, my 19th birthday.. had to be one of the worst emotional days i've ever had. Tonight was terrible. I can not stress enough how much i just want run back to him. Everything was fine, until the stairs of the school on the corning of my block. We started out by kissing, like normal people do on a beautful night..or just as normal people do. then it happened. i looked up at him and saw the half moon in the background of his face. I absoutly hate half moons. but this particular one, was amazing. just seeing his face in the background of that ugly moon, made it just the more beautiful. thats when i started to slowing drain out the salted water from my face onto his sweater.
I told him i wasnt crying, it was the wind. he knew i was lying. the tears stopped for a few moments when we deiced to go to my house. He carried me bridal style down my block. Once i stood there and saw the tears fall from my eyelashes to the ground and his sweater i could not control anything anymore. my knees started to shake and i didnt know what to do with myself. just thinking about this moment brings the tears back to my eyes. in a few moments i'll have to wipe them again. after more kissing and more hugging, and holding one another so tightly nothing could get between us. the jaws of life couldnt tear us apart.
He gave me his green and black stripped sweater. then the tears fell harder. its insane to think about this night and know that soon enough all will be well again. i just hope it seriously will go well. I started to collect myself knowing that i would have to go inside soon enough. Then i looked at him and it happened. he began to cry as well. then whatever i had collected moments before fell right on the floor and the trembling knees came back and the tight grip we held on one another. i wiped away his tears as he did mine. then it happened. he finally left. both of us left with tear stained faces and more coming down as those stains started to set.
this was only the begining.
After watching him walk halfway down the block and look back at me once, i went to where no one would be able to see.. and crouched down to probably about a foot and a half tall, then wailed. i believe my first words were "oh my god." i sat there and sobbed for a moment. then i called melissa to calm myself down. i knew if i were to have called him the crying would never end and i would never be able to go abck into my house until he returned. she relaxed me and then i went inside.
so now im here, everyone few minutes new tears creep up in the corners of my eyes and fall. my breathing is still impaired. i honestly dont know how i'll be getting threw this week. its going to be one the hardest things i'll ever have to do. and i fucking hate everything now.
i'll be back tomrrow.
-LH.
Today, my 19th birthday.. had to be one of the worst emotional days i've ever had. Tonight was terrible. I can not stress enough how much i just want run back to him. Everything was fine, until the stairs of the school on the corning of my block. We started out by kissing, like normal people do on a beautful night..or just as normal people do. then it happened. i looked up at him and saw the half moon in the background of his face. I absoutly hate half moons. but this particular one, was amazing. just seeing his face in the background of that ugly moon, made it just the more beautiful. thats when i started to slowing drain out the salted water from my face onto his sweater.
I told him i wasnt crying, it was the wind. he knew i was lying. the tears stopped for a few moments when we deiced to go to my house. He carried me bridal style down my block. Once i stood there and saw the tears fall from my eyelashes to the ground and his sweater i could not control anything anymore. my knees started to shake and i didnt know what to do with myself. just thinking about this moment brings the tears back to my eyes. in a few moments i'll have to wipe them again. after more kissing and more hugging, and holding one another so tightly nothing could get between us. the jaws of life couldnt tear us apart.
He gave me his green and black stripped sweater. then the tears fell harder. its insane to think about this night and know that soon enough all will be well again. i just hope it seriously will go well. I started to collect myself knowing that i would have to go inside soon enough. Then i looked at him and it happened. he began to cry as well. then whatever i had collected moments before fell right on the floor and the trembling knees came back and the tight grip we held on one another. i wiped away his tears as he did mine. then it happened. he finally left. both of us left with tear stained faces and more coming down as those stains started to set.
this was only the begining.
After watching him walk halfway down the block and look back at me once, i went to where no one would be able to see.. and crouched down to probably about a foot and a half tall, then wailed. i believe my first words were "oh my god." i sat there and sobbed for a moment. then i called melissa to calm myself down. i knew if i were to have called him the crying would never end and i would never be able to go abck into my house until he returned. she relaxed me and then i went inside.
so now im here, everyone few minutes new tears creep up in the corners of my eyes and fall. my breathing is still impaired. i honestly dont know how i'll be getting threw this week. its going to be one the hardest things i'll ever have to do. and i fucking hate everything now.
i'll be back tomrrow.
-LH.