(no subject)
Part of the reason I love my boyfriend is that he can talk me down from the hysterical things I talk myself into. Like today, when I decide we'll never make it because I don't know what I want to do with my life.
I dont. I used to know. But everything has changed.
It's like...I still know what I want to do, but now I'm endlessly confused on how to get there.
Marine biology? Environmental science? Oceanography? Ecology? Conservation biology?
He knows what he wants, he's got it figured out. I have NO IDEA. I know I'm going to grad school. And I know I'm not going to settle for a job I don't love. But I'm afraid that since John's not going to grad school, he'll find his dream job first and I'll have to settle.
I'm just clueless. Some days I want to settle down with him tomorrow, and other days I feel like if we settle down in 10 years, it will be too soon.
We promised we'd do everything in our power to make sure each other is as happy as we can be within reason. I'm hoping that that means neither one of us will ever have to settle for anything less than our dreams. He can be CIA or DEA or whatever, and I can do whatever amazing thing I finally deicide I want to do, we can live happily ever after and life will be perfect.
But life's not perfect and that scares me.
I love John. I love us together. He makes me happy and I feel like we make each other whole. Dear God, make everything work out in the long run....what I wouldn't give to see into the future to find out if all my dreams and aspirations pan out.
But along that same wavelength, I think I'd chicken out before I was about to look into that crystal ball because I'd be afraid to see that it didn't work out.
I dont. I used to know. But everything has changed.
It's like...I still know what I want to do, but now I'm endlessly confused on how to get there.
Marine biology? Environmental science? Oceanography? Ecology? Conservation biology?
He knows what he wants, he's got it figured out. I have NO IDEA. I know I'm going to grad school. And I know I'm not going to settle for a job I don't love. But I'm afraid that since John's not going to grad school, he'll find his dream job first and I'll have to settle.
I'm just clueless. Some days I want to settle down with him tomorrow, and other days I feel like if we settle down in 10 years, it will be too soon.
We promised we'd do everything in our power to make sure each other is as happy as we can be within reason. I'm hoping that that means neither one of us will ever have to settle for anything less than our dreams. He can be CIA or DEA or whatever, and I can do whatever amazing thing I finally deicide I want to do, we can live happily ever after and life will be perfect.
But life's not perfect and that scares me.
I love John. I love us together. He makes me happy and I feel like we make each other whole. Dear God, make everything work out in the long run....what I wouldn't give to see into the future to find out if all my dreams and aspirations pan out.
But along that same wavelength, I think I'd chicken out before I was about to look into that crystal ball because I'd be afraid to see that it didn't work out.