i'm bringin' insomnia back
it's been getting worse... and i've been putting off going to see a sleep doctor for years...
this january, i am going against my norm and actually making a list of new years resolutions which will include a trip to the sleep doctor, an eye exam, and other fun outings that would be enjoyed by everyone except for myself.
i've been trying to sleep at 1130pm or so every night, but to no avail. i'll either fall asleep, then wake up an hour later, and sporadically wake up throughout the night.. OOOOOR. i sleep, then wake up at 2am and not fall asleep for anywhere between 1 and 3 hours. and u know what's even more shitty? no matter how much sleep i get, the latest i wake up is 930am.
what used to freak out was when i used to wake up in the middle of the night at 314am or 315am on a consistent basis. and for those of you who don't know the background behind that time reference... apparently thats when the spirits are amongst us, hence the coldness we feel in our bodies, etc. actually its a physical/chemical thing that our bodies go through at night, our body temperatures drop at night because our heart is at a more calm pace, pumping less blood into our body. coincidence? i don't think so.. but kinda freaky nonetheless.
most of you know how i do things, but most of you don't know my work ethics... i guess it's my ocd. and with my job title and current position, i think it works to my advantage that i always try to be 2 steps ahead of the game, in the work i have to do, my routine, daily and weekly duties... my brain is on cruise control and it just keeps workin away. is it being proactive? i suppose. i honestly consider it a flaw. that's why i really need a vacation to a tropical destination. i need to totally unwind, sit on a beach and enjoy the sound of waves, shielding my eyes not only from the sun, but the white sand and its brightness.
i can't wait till i get real old.. real old to me is 50yrs old. i hope i'll have enough time to write a book. that's gonna be a life long goal.... i don't wish to be rich, i also am reconsidering the whole having children thing.. i'll keep that topic for another blog though. as cliche as it sounds.. i just hope i'm content with my life, i want to live a simple life, be with the one i love, live on an acre or so of land... still have friendships that are worth hanging onto... u know. the dreamer's dream. minus the million bucks and more debt :D
so ya. lots on my mind. things are changing within me, my thoughts, my views, my attitude... i am slowly refining myself and i'm vowing to those important to me that i WILL become a better person.. not for my sake, nor theirs... just because i know i am a better person than the man i am right now... it'll take some time, but the first step is self realization which i'm halfway through thank goodness.
best of luck to those having exams, it's gonna be a strange holiday for myself since it is the first time in my whole life that i have no house in windsor to spend christmas in. i hope to see most of my closer friends, and i hope to see friends that have fallen away a bit... i'll just sit back with my fools' hope and just wait for the real ones to come back.
cheers y'all.
this january, i am going against my norm and actually making a list of new years resolutions which will include a trip to the sleep doctor, an eye exam, and other fun outings that would be enjoyed by everyone except for myself.
i've been trying to sleep at 1130pm or so every night, but to no avail. i'll either fall asleep, then wake up an hour later, and sporadically wake up throughout the night.. OOOOOR. i sleep, then wake up at 2am and not fall asleep for anywhere between 1 and 3 hours. and u know what's even more shitty? no matter how much sleep i get, the latest i wake up is 930am.
what used to freak out was when i used to wake up in the middle of the night at 314am or 315am on a consistent basis. and for those of you who don't know the background behind that time reference... apparently thats when the spirits are amongst us, hence the coldness we feel in our bodies, etc. actually its a physical/chemical thing that our bodies go through at night, our body temperatures drop at night because our heart is at a more calm pace, pumping less blood into our body. coincidence? i don't think so.. but kinda freaky nonetheless.
most of you know how i do things, but most of you don't know my work ethics... i guess it's my ocd. and with my job title and current position, i think it works to my advantage that i always try to be 2 steps ahead of the game, in the work i have to do, my routine, daily and weekly duties... my brain is on cruise control and it just keeps workin away. is it being proactive? i suppose. i honestly consider it a flaw. that's why i really need a vacation to a tropical destination. i need to totally unwind, sit on a beach and enjoy the sound of waves, shielding my eyes not only from the sun, but the white sand and its brightness.
i can't wait till i get real old.. real old to me is 50yrs old. i hope i'll have enough time to write a book. that's gonna be a life long goal.... i don't wish to be rich, i also am reconsidering the whole having children thing.. i'll keep that topic for another blog though. as cliche as it sounds.. i just hope i'm content with my life, i want to live a simple life, be with the one i love, live on an acre or so of land... still have friendships that are worth hanging onto... u know. the dreamer's dream. minus the million bucks and more debt :D
so ya. lots on my mind. things are changing within me, my thoughts, my views, my attitude... i am slowly refining myself and i'm vowing to those important to me that i WILL become a better person.. not for my sake, nor theirs... just because i know i am a better person than the man i am right now... it'll take some time, but the first step is self realization which i'm halfway through thank goodness.
best of luck to those having exams, it's gonna be a strange holiday for myself since it is the first time in my whole life that i have no house in windsor to spend christmas in. i hope to see most of my closer friends, and i hope to see friends that have fallen away a bit... i'll just sit back with my fools' hope and just wait for the real ones to come back.
cheers y'all.