My husband has a way with words.
And I've never quite been good with words, mainly because when I start using them, I use too many. Somewhere the point gets lost, and I babble more than a creek with a rock bottom.
Everything he said though, is true. And it's on more than just his side. My story?
Mine starts in Philly. That's where I met Pat, and regardless of what anyone thinks, he was probably my first love. I had an infactuation with him, but it wound up being deeper than that. The challenges we set up for each other only proved we were "bros" more than lovers, regardless of the amount of time we may have spent in bed.
In the summer of 2004, Tony Voce entered training camp with the team. He was short, I was tall, and naturally, the option had to be explored. Somehow I took him under my wing, probably because he tucked in nicely, and it became a "relationship". I use that word loosely because it was short lived, and it was more... fun than anything. It wasn't the depths of the relationship I had with Patrick, so I guess you could more so say we were "dating". I found myself between a rock and a hard place with him though. He had gotten a girl pregnant while we were seeing either other, and although I was trying to be the good guy and support him, it was more than what I was ready to deal with.
That's when Josh entered the picture. He waltzed in with his head held high, and a confidence that only a good goon would have. The cocky attitude from the summer fling we shared started to come out, as he realized that I was unhappy. He helped me free myself from the situation with Tony. The only way to describe it would be to say that it was like moving, taking everything you own, and somehow, all the crappy stuff falling off the back of your truck. It was easy, and once in awhile, I would do a drive by, or even check on the stuff that fell out. And he understood that, because of that cocky attitude of his. Myself though? I've never been like that. And you can ask the person that has known me the longest and deepest, Pat, wherever he is. There was a time he knew me inside and out. He may not now, but he knows my roots. So my confidence began to falter when Jen entered our lives. She was a primadonna, and just the kind of girl that Josh used to be interested in. Regardless of our vows, I had questions, which is wrong on my behalf, and I admit that. He wound up signing in San Antonio and I gave up my career to go with him. Jen came out to visit here and there. And then one day, I finally came home to divorce papers, his wedding ring inside the envelope.
Right around then, is when Boyd called. He knew I needed out, as I'd been sitting in my own misery for awhile, and he knew Shane needed a friend and protector for awhile. Who was I to tell Boyd no? He'd been a great Captain to me, and was one of the few that remained in contact after I'd been sent down.
When I showed up at Shane's apt, it was instant friendship. People might call me Yoda, but Boyd has this uncanny sense of being able to set people up. Just as he might have been wrong in his actions to get the man he's married to... it's true love, and who can stand in the way of that? The week that we spent killing off the chili and the brownies was great. It reminded me of the times that I had missed from my first season in Philly. Jimmy, Pat, and Woysie times. Just good natured, playing video games, getting wrecked times. Then the pot started to wear off, and I realized how comfortable I was with Shane. I also realized, that I'd been kissing him. That's not something I did when I was just messing around.
We tried the distance thing, but I was miserable. Playing in Alaska was shit. I had a great time with the guys, don't get me wrong, but.. the days were long, and dark. I talked to Ashlei a lot, and Colby, but nothing was nixing the feeling I had. It wasn't the same as the feeling of giving up the game to go be with Josh. It was the feeling of, "this isn't where I was meant to be." Shane and I went and got hitched, to try and settle that feeling. And Colby, being the best man that he could, literally was the best man. For both of us. But it wasn't working. So I left the game. I then proceeded to be Ashlei's manny for awhile. She was bed ridden and needed help around the house with her pregnancy. And that put me a whole lot closer to Shane. By the time I was done that, I had one clear thought in my head. I wanted what she had. So I went and got it. I supported Shane and we submitted the paperwork to adopt. I took care of transfering it all as we moved from town to town. Then we were contacted about this girl, who did not want to keep her baby, but didn't want to abort it. We knew she was it for us. We moved back to Portland, from Iowa, and kept close to her. She was the lucky star that gave us our Izzy. And the rest, as they say is history.
I tried to keep it as short as possible, but like I said, when I start using words, they don't stop.
So in short, there are only four people that really know my roots, and that I could have ever built my family tree off of. Pat, Colby, Kaner and Shane. Regardless of where those roots are now, or whether they have been severed from my tree, they will always be appreciated for their part.
Shane, I love you. And no matter what, know that the decisions I have made, there is not a single regret behind any of them, because they all lead to you.
Everything he said though, is true. And it's on more than just his side. My story?
Mine starts in Philly. That's where I met Pat, and regardless of what anyone thinks, he was probably my first love. I had an infactuation with him, but it wound up being deeper than that. The challenges we set up for each other only proved we were "bros" more than lovers, regardless of the amount of time we may have spent in bed.
In the summer of 2004, Tony Voce entered training camp with the team. He was short, I was tall, and naturally, the option had to be explored. Somehow I took him under my wing, probably because he tucked in nicely, and it became a "relationship". I use that word loosely because it was short lived, and it was more... fun than anything. It wasn't the depths of the relationship I had with Patrick, so I guess you could more so say we were "dating". I found myself between a rock and a hard place with him though. He had gotten a girl pregnant while we were seeing either other, and although I was trying to be the good guy and support him, it was more than what I was ready to deal with.
That's when Josh entered the picture. He waltzed in with his head held high, and a confidence that only a good goon would have. The cocky attitude from the summer fling we shared started to come out, as he realized that I was unhappy. He helped me free myself from the situation with Tony. The only way to describe it would be to say that it was like moving, taking everything you own, and somehow, all the crappy stuff falling off the back of your truck. It was easy, and once in awhile, I would do a drive by, or even check on the stuff that fell out. And he understood that, because of that cocky attitude of his. Myself though? I've never been like that. And you can ask the person that has known me the longest and deepest, Pat, wherever he is. There was a time he knew me inside and out. He may not now, but he knows my roots. So my confidence began to falter when Jen entered our lives. She was a primadonna, and just the kind of girl that Josh used to be interested in. Regardless of our vows, I had questions, which is wrong on my behalf, and I admit that. He wound up signing in San Antonio and I gave up my career to go with him. Jen came out to visit here and there. And then one day, I finally came home to divorce papers, his wedding ring inside the envelope.
Right around then, is when Boyd called. He knew I needed out, as I'd been sitting in my own misery for awhile, and he knew Shane needed a friend and protector for awhile. Who was I to tell Boyd no? He'd been a great Captain to me, and was one of the few that remained in contact after I'd been sent down.
When I showed up at Shane's apt, it was instant friendship. People might call me Yoda, but Boyd has this uncanny sense of being able to set people up. Just as he might have been wrong in his actions to get the man he's married to... it's true love, and who can stand in the way of that? The week that we spent killing off the chili and the brownies was great. It reminded me of the times that I had missed from my first season in Philly. Jimmy, Pat, and Woysie times. Just good natured, playing video games, getting wrecked times. Then the pot started to wear off, and I realized how comfortable I was with Shane. I also realized, that I'd been kissing him. That's not something I did when I was just messing around.
We tried the distance thing, but I was miserable. Playing in Alaska was shit. I had a great time with the guys, don't get me wrong, but.. the days were long, and dark. I talked to Ashlei a lot, and Colby, but nothing was nixing the feeling I had. It wasn't the same as the feeling of giving up the game to go be with Josh. It was the feeling of, "this isn't where I was meant to be." Shane and I went and got hitched, to try and settle that feeling. And Colby, being the best man that he could, literally was the best man. For both of us. But it wasn't working. So I left the game. I then proceeded to be Ashlei's manny for awhile. She was bed ridden and needed help around the house with her pregnancy. And that put me a whole lot closer to Shane. By the time I was done that, I had one clear thought in my head. I wanted what she had. So I went and got it. I supported Shane and we submitted the paperwork to adopt. I took care of transfering it all as we moved from town to town. Then we were contacted about this girl, who did not want to keep her baby, but didn't want to abort it. We knew she was it for us. We moved back to Portland, from Iowa, and kept close to her. She was the lucky star that gave us our Izzy. And the rest, as they say is history.
I tried to keep it as short as possible, but like I said, when I start using words, they don't stop.
So in short, there are only four people that really know my roots, and that I could have ever built my family tree off of. Pat, Colby, Kaner and Shane. Regardless of where those roots are now, or whether they have been severed from my tree, they will always be appreciated for their part.
Shane, I love you. And no matter what, know that the decisions I have made, there is not a single regret behind any of them, because they all lead to you.