fate has led you through it, you do what you have to do.
a new journal for a new chapter in my life. it's weird, i feel that i my chapters begin and end with the new semesters. maybe a new semester isn't supposed to be a chance to start over. but it is to me. i find that all my journals begin and end as the semesters begin and end. it's my way of moving on from the past. a chance to let go of the person i am and the person i want to be. i did something last night i have been terrified of doing for the last eight months. and it went better than i could have ever imagined, it felt so good to just follow my heart and mend that whole situation for her and myself. i did it and she accepted and i don't think she'll ever know how thankful i am for it. i have been beating down on myself these last eight months because i was ashamed of myself. i was ashamed of the way i handled that whole situation from the very get go, before it even got complicated. i have wanted to apologize to her since november, i was just too scared. scared to face my faults, scared to be venerable, scared of being judged, just scared. but it's done. and i feel like i am one step closer from moving on from that chapter in my life and onto the next. i cried all morning as we shot messages back and forth through myspace, because i was so happy. happy that i finally did what needed to be done, happy that she accepted, and happy that she understood where i was coming from. just happiness, in general, in the form of tears. she appreciated my efforts and i appreciated hers. it feels really good to finally let it go. so thank you for giving up some of your time and allowing me to have that opportunity. seriously.