Somewhere There's Speaking (2/10?)
Title: Somewhere There's Speaking (2/10?)
Media: Fic
Author: a_glass_parade (GlassParade)
Rating: PG-13 to mild R
Pairing: Quinn Fabray/Jeff Pauling (aka Jeff Warbler)
Genre: Romance, AU
Warnings: Mentions of attempted suicide.
Spoilers: While events and references from all three seasons of Glee may be adapted and worked into the story occasionally, it's otherwise fully AU.
Word Count: Currently 9300+
Summary: A mini-sequel to the Kurt/Blaine story 'Nothing's So Loud'. When Quinn flies out to visit Jeff at UC Berkeley, they find out that all it takes is one night to completely change everything you thought you knew you wanted.
Additional Notes: After 'Nothing's So Loud' ended, I was surprised at the number of requests I got to spin Quinn and Jeff off into their own sequel. After a lot of thought, I decided that was indeed a story I could tell. The title of this mini-sequel comes from the song 'Everything You Want' by Vertical Horizon.
“How do I look?” Quinn posed in the doorway in her simple black sundress, an exaggerated parody of a model with one hand on her hip and her lips pushed out way too far. Jeff took one look at her and fell out laughing.
“You got a little duck-lip on your face there,” he pointed out wryly. “But otherwise you look totally awesome.”
“Great.” With a wink, she strolled into the room and went to rummage through her bag. “I just want a scrunchy in case my hair gets all sweaty dancing.”
Jeff nodded and focused on buttoning up his shirt, trying not to ogle his friend as she finished getting ready for the Theta Chi party. Friend, friend, friend, friend, he chanted to himself, determinedly not thinking about how this was the first time he'd seen Quinn in a skirt above the knees since she was a Cheerio. It was more than a little distracting.
“Do you think it'll get chilly?” Now Quinn was poking through her clothing in the closet, a frown on her face. “Damn it, I didn't bring a jacket or anything.”
“I'll just lend you my shirt if it does, it's flannel,” he offered gallantly, and then promptly had to recover from the mental image of Quinn in his shirt...and not much else. Jesus fuck. “No sweat.”
“Best friend ever,” she sighed happily, trotting over to stretch up on her tiptoes and plant a kiss on his cheek. “But then you'll get cold.”
He lifted the lapel of the blue plaid shirt to show her the t-shirt underneath. “Duh, layers, Quinn.”
“Ooh, and pockets, gimme.” She grabbed his belt loop and shoved a tube of lip balm into the hip pocket of his jeans. “I've got money and my ID in my bra, but I figured this would melt all over me if I put it in there, so, hold it, okay?”
“Sure.” He picked up a baseball cap and slipped it on, tugging the bill down over the back of his neck. “Ready?”
She spritzed something flowery smelling into her hair and on her wrists, checked her makeup in the mirror and picked up her sandals. “Yep.”
“Okay, then, my lady, your festivities await.” With a wink, Jeff opened the door and checked the hallway for any stray Resident Advisors. Good. The coast was clear. He ushered Quinn out and down the hall to the back staircase everyone used for their contraband guests. In short order, they were downstairs and crossing the lawn together, laughing at the silliness of it all.
“I don't think college would be this fun if I were an actual student,” Quinn chortled, leaning down to wedge her feet into her strappy little shoes. “All the sneaking around and goofing off and partying, none of the tests or homework. It's kind of perfect. Can I come back and do it again?”
“Anytime,” Jeff replied, a grin breaking out across his face as Quinn started to skip on ahead, humming some cheery little tune he didn't recognize.
“And it’s you and me in the summertime,” she sang, spinning to face him while she danced backwards across the green grass, holding both hands out and wiggling her fingers to beckon him closer, eyes bright and smile mischievous. “We’ll be hand in hand down in the park…”
“It’s October,” he called after her, his smile growing even more out of control. Was it possible to love her any more than he did in this moment? She'd never been so magnetic, so alive and whole and amazing.
“It’s fun,” came the floating reply before she ran lightly back to link her arm in his. “That's what this weekend is supposed to be about, right?”
He laughed and shook his head down at her. “Right. You're always right.”
“That's the truth.” She gave one last squeeze to his arm and let go, running off ahead again. “Hurry up, slowpoke, we're going to be late! Come on, try to catch me.”
Like I ever need an invitation to chase after you, Jeff thought, and blushed.
Theta Chi parties weren't quiet affairs on their best days, but tonight was a particularly noisy throwdown, Jeff observed, bobbing his head along to the Sugar Ray song blaring from the overhead speakers.
“Every mornin' there's a heartache hangin' from the corner of my girlfriend's four post bed,” he burbled, still bobbing his head. Huh. Didn't he hate this song? How come he knew all the words?
Closing one eye, Jeff squinted at the red plastic cup in his hand. Hadn't it just been full? He could see the bottom, a few melting ice chips gasping their last over the imprint of the maker's logo. He wondered if it would be a good idea to fill it up again. Probably not, since he wouldn't be able to confirm how many he'd already had, even at gunpoint.
When he looked back up, he remembered why his cup was empty. Quinn sat on one of the battered couches that littered the fraternity house's living room, and she was surrounded by several of his brothers, all of whom were completely smitten with her and vying for her attention like bees in a hive.
This had been the case since they walked through the door of the house two hours ago. Seth Martin, senior and chapter treasurer, had whisked Quinn away from Jeff as soon as they'd arrived. “This has to be the legendary Quinn Fabray,” he'd boomed, shoving a cup into Jeff's hand so that he could shake Quinn's. “Jeff never shuts up about you, but man, he totally didn't do you justice.”
“Oh -” was all Quinn got out, casting a wide-eyed glance of surprise at Jeff over her shoulder as Seth swept her into the party and out of Jeff's sight. Then he'd been accosted by a group of girls, some he'd dated, some he suspected wanted to date him, and that was the last he'd seen of Quinn for a while. Which was fine. They were adults, they'd been to parties before, they didn't have to be joined at each other's hips. It was just fine.
Except that now Seth was leaning a little too closely into Quinn's personal space for Jeff's liking, his arm draped along the back of the sofa while he whispered something in her ear that made her chuckle and turn pink, keeping her eyes fixed on the guitar in her hands - because of course they'd found one for her to play, thanks to Jeff having told them how fantastic a musician she was. It had taken some coaxing and a number of pina colada jello shots, but she'd finally given in and for the last hour or so had been leading her little audience in a singalong of Billboard's Greatests.
Jeff hadn't realized she'd known some of them, he was so used to her singing angry riot grrl anthems and her own catalog of furious songs about Finn. And she was occasionally throwing in cheeky renditions of some of the old favorites like 'You Oughta Know' and 'Seether', but as everyone got progressively more intoxicated, including her, she slowed down to mellower, sweeter songs, like the one she was playing now.
“Kiss me beneath the milky twilight...lead me out on the moonlit floor...”
“Your friend's got Martin eating out of the palm of her hand,” came a cranky little voice from Jeff's elbow, startling him. He looked down to see his ex-girlfriend Alicia standing there, bottom lip pushed out in a sulky pout. Interesting. Apparently she had a thing for Seth. “Half the frat's at her feet. What's her trick?”
Jeff shrugged, returning his gaze to watch Quinn segue into 'Brass In Pocket'. “She doesn't really have tricks. She's just...Quinn.”
Tugging at the end of her silky red ponytail, Alicia examined it for a moment before tossing it back over her shoulder and sighing. “I don't think I can rock the pink tips. Maybe I should take up guitar?”
“Pft. Don't go changing for guys, Ali. You're awesome.” He nudged her with his elbow until she cracked a little smile. Good. They'd parted on good terms, and he still liked her pretty okay. He wanted her to be happy. “And hey, Quinn's leaving Monday, so it's not like Seth actually has a shot at anything with her. You can put a move on him at the next party, right?” She deserved better than Seth, but hey, if that's what she wanted...
“I guess,” she grumbled, offering him her cup of unidentifiable purple stuff. When he recoiled in horror and shook his head, she shrugged and downed it herself. “An' I can always find someone else to hook up with tonight.”
“If you want, I bet you could,” he agreed absently, leaning his head back against the wall. Quinn had paused in her playing to slug back what looked like a huge Long Island Iced Tea, and Jeff wondered just how much she had had to drink. If it was anywhere near as much as he thought he might have had, they were going to have trouble getting back to the dorm.
“You should take a break from babysitting,” Alicia was saying now, and with effort, he tuned back in. “Come dance. Someone brought a killer mix CD of this house stuff they found, it's like a rave in the back yard. There's even glow sticks.”
Experimentally, Jeff pushed off the wall and swayed through a few dance steps. Nope. “Nuh-uh. You just sprouted an imaginary twin. I think I better keep holding this wall up for a while.”
Much to his surprise, Alicia was suddenly leaning up against him, pressing her body close into his and smirking in a way he remembered very, very well. “You could come just...dance with me. In my dorm room.” She slipped her hand between their bodies and slid it down to palm at the fly of his Levi's. “I remember you're pretty good at that kind of dancing, sober or not.”
This wasn't what he'd meant when he told her to hook up with someone else. Oops. “Ali...” He couldn't be less interested. But he didn't want to be rude. “I'm really not...”
“Don't worry about your friend, she's fine, she's a big girl.” She used her free hand to pull his head down closer to hers, flicking her tongue out to dance along his lips. “Seth'll take care of her. She won't even notice you're gone.”
Gently, he tried to disengage. “I really don't want to leave her alone in a strange place.”
Alicia pushed back and rolled her eyes in exasperation. “Oh, come on, Jeff! Why not? We used to have fun. And Jesus, it's not like she didn't leave you alone.”
“What?” Startled, Jeff jerked his head up to look at the sofa.
Quinn and Seth were gone.
It probably isn't a good idea to cockblock an officer of your fraternity, Jeff reflected as he prowled through the Theta Chi house, but fuck it. As far as he was concerned, the welfare of his best friends would always trump frat brothers, period. And Quinn had a tendency to be very agreeable when she'd been drinking, which was not something Seth Martin had any business finding out.
He would do the same thing if it had been Blaine in this position, he told himself. Obviously this had nothing to do with the fact that he was insanely jealous that she'd agreed to go off with Seth in the first place. Noooo.
They weren't in the backyard or the kitchen or the front yard. Nor were they in either of the side dens where the less social usually congregated to play video games. Hoping against hope, Jeff checked the garage, where a noisy pool tournament was taking place, complete with betting that was actually against campus rules.
Nothing.
With a sinking heart, he realized that they had to be in Seth's room upstairs. And he'd wasted so much time looking for them that there was no telling what the senior had been able to talk Quinn into by now. Or out of. Oh, God.
The memory of Quinn in her little black sundress galvanized him into motion, sending him bolting up the stairs where the upperclassmen had their rooms. Seth's door was at the end of the hall, and the only one that was closed. With a deep breath and no second thoughts whatsoever, Jeff barged right through it.
“What the hell...Pauling!” Seth barked, squinting against the light streaming in from the hallway. “Get out! This is private.”
Jeff ignored him, his focus immediately drawn to where Quinn lay on the bed under Seth, one strap of her sundress drooping down her shoulder and her mouth scuffed pink from kissing. She seemed absolutely delighted to see him. “Jeff! I was just thinking I needed you,” she giggled, waving her hand limply. “Seth kissed all my lip stuff off. And I didn't have any more 'cause you have it so I was gonna come get you but we were having fun. But you're here!”
“Yeah. I'm here. You wanna go?” Jeff stepped forward and stretched out his hand, moving slowly while his eyes adjusted to the gloomy darkness of the room. This wasn't a comfortable situation at all. “I think we should go, so you can sleep the drink off, Quinn.”
“Pauling, give her the stupid lip crap and get out,” Seth snarled, impatience in his voice. “She's having fun, you heard her.”
Jeff stopped. Okay, that was about ten kinds of not okay. Unfortunately, Seth had a good fifty pounds on him and was at Berkeley on a rugby scholarship. Plus he'd been drinking. This had to be handled very carefully and very quickly, because he wanted Quinn out of there.
“Yeah, I did hear her,” he agreed finally, choosing his words with care. “But I know her. You don't. I know if I let her do this while she's wasted, she will kill me in the morning.” This was actually true. He didn't want to get beaten up by Seth, but he'd take it over having to face a hungover, compromised Quinn. He stuck his hands in his pockets. “And, dude, I am sorry. I really am. But she scares me more than you do.”
“Yeah? Because I can make you pay for this.” Seth still had one hand on Quinn's hip, close to her butt, and he started to slip it underneath the hem of her skirt. Jeff began to see red. Rugby jock be damned, that was going too far. “You have no idea what kind of hell I can make your life.”
“I'll take my chances,” Jeff managed to get out around a knot of acid rage in his throat, balling his fists up. “I can live through hell, death's more permanent.” He didn't trust himself to get any closer to the bed, even though he really wanted to just tug Quinn out of Seth's grasp and run. He was afraid he'd punch the upperclassman if he moved even one step nearer. “Quinn?”
“Can we go get pizza? I'm hungry.” Taking the decision out of both their hands, Quinn shoved Seth away and lurched to her feet. “Oooh, or pancakes.”
“We'll find you something,” Jeff promised, slinging an arm around her shoulder and escorting her out of the room without another look at Seth. It was hard not to heave a huge sigh of relief. No one had had to bleed, awesome. “Even if it's just snacks back at my room. I don't think either of us is in any shape to like, go anywhere far.”
“Mm. Fine.” She rolled her eyes and smiled at him, in the next instant grabbing for the banister on the staircase. “Oops.”
“I win that argument, I guess.” He took a better hold of her arm and steered her carefully down through the crowd of partygoers. “I think I better piggyback you back to the dorm. Shoes off.” He still felt a little drunk, but the adrenaline of the confrontation had burned some of it away, enough that he thought he'd be mostly okay carrying her back.
She held on to his arm and pried the sandals off when they got to the front porch. As she straightened back to standing, a stiff breeze kicked up, fluttering her skirt and hair. “Fuck! That's cold.”
“Oh.” Remembering his promise from earlier, Jeff made quick work of unbuttoning his flannel and slipping it over her shoulders. “There. And I'll get us back fast as I can. Jump on.” Crouching down, he waited for her to climb up on his back and wrap her arms snugly around his neck before putting a hand under each of her slender thighs and gripping securely. “Ready?”
“Hi-ho, Silver, away!” she squealed, yanking his baseball cap off his head and slapping it onto her own. Wow, she was totally shitfaced. Jeff held back a laugh - a feat made fairly simple by the fact that he was incredibly distracted by having Quinn pressed up on his back and in his hands.
She kicked her feet idly as he trotted back in the general direction of the dorms. It was usually a ten or fifteen minute walk, but he'd never made the trip with an inebriated girl strapped to his back before. Not that he minded, at least not when it was this girl. Although... “You're feeling okay, right? You're not gonna puke down my back?”
“Nope. Feeling good. Feelin' goooo-oo-oooood.” She hugged at his neck. “I was havin' fun with Seth. Mm. He's a good kisser.”
Well, that took some of the wind out of his sails. “I bet.”
“Kiss me out of the bearded barley, nightly beside the green green grass,” she sang, hiccupping a little. “Hey, we're on green grass.”
“Sure are.” He kept plodding forward, trying to not think about Quinn kissing anyone. He'd gotten pretty good at that over the last few years, but tonight he was still a little drunk and she was cuddly and happy and still singing into his ear, and that made it a little difficult to block out mental images of her kissing Finn...and Seth...and Puck...and the wishful ones of her kissing him.
“You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.” She lapsed into silence, snuggling closer with a sigh, her breath warming the back of his neck. “Wanna know something?”
Always. “Sure.”
“That's the first time I kissed anyone since Finn. Wanted to just do it. Get it over with.”
Oh. Jeff adjusted his grip on her legs, suddenly feeling even more awkward. Great. He'd let his macho jealousy get in the way of something that was important to his best friend. What a fucking asshole. “And it was fun?”
“Well, yeah, I mean, kissing is fun.” He felt her shrug. “Kinda wanted to do more, too.”
Oh, God. He was going to die. He was going to die a profoundly unhappy man. And an asshole. “So I shouldn't have taken you away?” Shit. “I'm sorry, Quinn.”
Another shrug. “Nah. 'S fine. Prob'ly...prob'ly not a good idea for it to be...just some guy.” She rested her cheek on his shoulder and he could almost hear her thinking. “I dunno.”
You couldn't really hug a person when you were carrying them on your back, but Jeff gave it his best shot, squeezing Quinn's knees into his sides. “Do what you want when you want to, Quinn,” he replied softly, ignoring how it sent little pangs through his heart to say it. “All that's ever mattered is you being happy.”
“You're sweet,” she sighed, and then said nothing more. Jeff's sneakers crunched across the dry grass, almost to the end of their journey. The dorms were in sight. He'd get them both some water, some aspirin, stick a trash can by her bed just in case, and then they'd go to sleep. Probably it would be best to leave her in her clothes. If she woke up in the middle of the night sober, she could change them herself if she felt like it.
Life was hard enough without undressing the drunk best friend he'd been in love with for way too long.
Quinn was still silent when he carefully helped her slide down off his back at the rear door of the residence hall and poked his head inside to glance around. No sign of trouble, good. He took her hand in his and guided her carefully up the stairs. It looked like she was sobering up a tiny bit, maybe. At least her walking seemed steadier, a little more deliberate with each step up. Good. This would have been a much more considerably difficult trip if he had to carry her up the stairs.
He opened the door and gently nudged her inside - but before he could flip the lights on, Quinn grabbed his arm. “You're not just some guy,” she whispered with a smile, tossing her sandals aside.
Jeff felt his mouth go dry. “What?”
“You.” One hand came up to touch his cheek, the other to grab a fistful of his t-shirt and pull him close. “You're not just some guy.” She used her grip on his shirt to pull him down, and then the kiss she laid on him almost laid him out flat.
She tasted like pineapple jello and rum and the faintest trace of vanilla lip balm.
“Quinn.” He broke the kiss, pushing her gently back and trying to calm his breathing, to tell his heart to race less. “I don't think...”
“I don't want you to think.” She pulled him down again, her lips brushing against his. “I don't want to think. I haven't done this in a while...” Their noses bumped together, eskimo kisses while she whispered. “Pretty sure it goes better if you don't think.”
The one girl he could never say no to, though he knew he probably should. And if they hadn't both been drinking, if he wasn't too far in love with her, if being so close to her for the last day hadn't rekindled all things he'd ever felt for her and stoked the flames higher, he might say no, might stop her -
But she was kissing him again, her tongue slipping gently in to probe and taste, her lips sucking gently at his, and the whole while her hands stayed fisted in his shirt and she held him so close to her that you couldn't have fit a sheet of paper between them. Jeff just couldn't...he couldn't...
“Quinn,” he pleaded, pulling his head away. “You've been drinking, we've been drinking, we shouldn't...”
“If I wanted to stop you, I'd stop you.” She stepped back and shrugged her shoulders, letting his flannel shirt slide down her arms and fall to the floor. “In case you missed it, I'm not stopping you.”
“But...”
“I want it.” Her voice was blurred but firm, her actions loose and decisive all at once as she tugged at the hem of his t-shirt until he lifted his arms to let her get it off of him. The moonlight streaming through the blinds illuminated her face, her green eyes widening in wonder as she let her fingers trace over his abdomen. “Wow. You were hiding this all these years?”
Jeff's head was spinning with want and need and love and worry...and alcohol. “I don't want -”
“You've never thought about it once?” In an instant her dress was up and over her head, leaving her in a lacy black bra and a pair of star spangled blue cotton panties. Reaching up, she placed her hands on either side of his head and pressed herself up close to him again, opening her mouth under his, to whisper the unbelievable just before kissing him yet again. “Really?”
Only every day. Only all the time.
Quinn's fingers clumsily unbuckled his belt, pulled the button-fly of his jeans open. Jeff managed to kick off his shoes and step out of the jeans without falling over and crushing her, and then they were as close to naked as they had ever been in each other's presence, and oh, God, she was beautiful and smiling and tugging him over to his bed.
“Kiss me...” she sang quietly, a teasing smile on her lips as she pulled him down on top of her.
“I did,” he mumbled, confused and still trying to understand that this was happening. That Quinn was in his arms, that her legs were tangled in with his, that her hips were tilting up to press against him, that there was almost nothing between them.
“No, I kissed you.” Her fingers skimmed through his hair. “I want you to kiss me.”
Jeff paused, cradling her face in his palms, letting his fingertips stroke her temples. “If I do it, I won't stop, Quinn, I want...”
“Jeff...” With a sigh and a sweet smile, she pulled him down until their foreheads touched. “Please.”
He gave up. Or gave in, whichever made it okay to dip his head down and let their lips meet, to let his tongue slip softly against hers. He'd kissed half a dozen girls or more since he'd come to Berkeley, but this was just like kissing for the first time all over again...except better.
Quinn's hand caught at his and brought it up to cover her breast, guiding his thumb to scrape over her nipple, and Jeff let out a groan, rolling his hips to press in to hers as the sensitive nub tightened under his finger. A low chuckle escaped her mouth, she lifted her hips up and pushed more firmly against where he was so hard it almost hurt, and after that...
...after that, no one was laughing, and there were no more words, only quiet groans muffled with more kisses, happy sighs, and falling to pieces in each other's arms.
Something isn't right.
It took him a minute to realize he was curled around a pillow. Jeff had gone to sleep with Quinn wrapped in his arms, but now she was gone and he was hugging a pillow. Confused, he sat up and tossed the pillow aside, blinking until his blurry morning vision cleared.
Quinn was sitting on his roommate's bed, staring out the window with a vaguely blank expression on her face. Her fingers twitched as if flicking ash from an imaginary cigarette.
“I haven't had a cigarette since Ibiza,” she murmured softly, a tiny smile playing on her lips. The sun coming through the glass lit the pink tips of her hair like fire, making a halo around her pretty, pretty face. “This is the first time since then I wish I had one. So I'd have something to do with my hands.” She glanced at her fingers and laughed, short and gentle.
Leaning over the edge of his bed, Jeff groped for his boxers and awkwardly slid them on before getting out of bed and padding over to sit by her. “Quinn.”
She kept looking out the window, but gestured to the end table. “I got you coffee in that funky little vending machine down the hall. Cream. No sugar.”
He reached his hand out toward her shoulder, pulled back right before touching her. “Quinn,” he said again, his heart sinking.
“Don't worry, no one saw me.” He watched her take a deep breath and bite her lip before turning to face him, a glaze of tears dimming the green of her eyes. “Jeff, let's just...can we just...” Catches in her voice punctuated her sentences at odd intervals as she spoke. “Can we go back? To yesterday. The day before. Just...before.”
It stung. Jeff was almost surprised at how much. “You think last night was a mistake?”
“No. Never.” The shake of her head was short but vehement, and ended with her hair settling around to conceal her face as she went on. “I was just...happy, before. Comfortable. I don't want to fuck that up, I don't...” Another deep breath lifted her shoulders and shuddered out in a sigh. “I'm not ready to change who we are into something we could lose. I didn't mean for it...”
Jeff didn't know what to do, what to think or say. It felt like he was trying to grab on to a receding wave that was slipping through his fingers. “But last night...”
“Was amazing.” Quinn lifted her head and shook back her hair. “I just feel...I feel like we should leave it. Just make it a one time thing and go back to how things were. Let's not let it change things.”
But I want to let it change things, he protested mentally, resisting the urge to kiss her until she changed her mind. He knew her so well. When Quinn made her mind up, that stayed made.
He should have known better last night, should have known this would happen, but he'd let ridiculous hope take over. He'd actually thought that maybe it could lead to more like he'd always wanted.
Life wasn't the movies. Why hadn't he remembered that?
Jeff nodded, getting to his feet to look for a clean t-shirt. “Okay.”
“Okay?” The relief in her voice was so clear, so sharp he could almost reach out and touch it, let it cut him. Jeff turned away to hide how much it hurt.
“Yeah. It's great. You're right.” With effort, he nailed a smile onto his face before tugging on a shirt and turning back around. “It never happened.”
Media: Fic
Author: a_glass_parade (GlassParade)
Rating: PG-13 to mild R
Pairing: Quinn Fabray/Jeff Pauling (aka Jeff Warbler)
Genre: Romance, AU
Warnings: Mentions of attempted suicide.
Spoilers: While events and references from all three seasons of Glee may be adapted and worked into the story occasionally, it's otherwise fully AU.
Word Count: Currently 9300+
Summary: A mini-sequel to the Kurt/Blaine story 'Nothing's So Loud'. When Quinn flies out to visit Jeff at UC Berkeley, they find out that all it takes is one night to completely change everything you thought you knew you wanted.
Additional Notes: After 'Nothing's So Loud' ended, I was surprised at the number of requests I got to spin Quinn and Jeff off into their own sequel. After a lot of thought, I decided that was indeed a story I could tell. The title of this mini-sequel comes from the song 'Everything You Want' by Vertical Horizon.
“How do I look?” Quinn posed in the doorway in her simple black sundress, an exaggerated parody of a model with one hand on her hip and her lips pushed out way too far. Jeff took one look at her and fell out laughing.
“You got a little duck-lip on your face there,” he pointed out wryly. “But otherwise you look totally awesome.”
“Great.” With a wink, she strolled into the room and went to rummage through her bag. “I just want a scrunchy in case my hair gets all sweaty dancing.”
Jeff nodded and focused on buttoning up his shirt, trying not to ogle his friend as she finished getting ready for the Theta Chi party. Friend, friend, friend, friend, he chanted to himself, determinedly not thinking about how this was the first time he'd seen Quinn in a skirt above the knees since she was a Cheerio. It was more than a little distracting.
“Do you think it'll get chilly?” Now Quinn was poking through her clothing in the closet, a frown on her face. “Damn it, I didn't bring a jacket or anything.”
“I'll just lend you my shirt if it does, it's flannel,” he offered gallantly, and then promptly had to recover from the mental image of Quinn in his shirt...and not much else. Jesus fuck. “No sweat.”
“Best friend ever,” she sighed happily, trotting over to stretch up on her tiptoes and plant a kiss on his cheek. “But then you'll get cold.”
He lifted the lapel of the blue plaid shirt to show her the t-shirt underneath. “Duh, layers, Quinn.”
“Ooh, and pockets, gimme.” She grabbed his belt loop and shoved a tube of lip balm into the hip pocket of his jeans. “I've got money and my ID in my bra, but I figured this would melt all over me if I put it in there, so, hold it, okay?”
“Sure.” He picked up a baseball cap and slipped it on, tugging the bill down over the back of his neck. “Ready?”
She spritzed something flowery smelling into her hair and on her wrists, checked her makeup in the mirror and picked up her sandals. “Yep.”
“Okay, then, my lady, your festivities await.” With a wink, Jeff opened the door and checked the hallway for any stray Resident Advisors. Good. The coast was clear. He ushered Quinn out and down the hall to the back staircase everyone used for their contraband guests. In short order, they were downstairs and crossing the lawn together, laughing at the silliness of it all.
“I don't think college would be this fun if I were an actual student,” Quinn chortled, leaning down to wedge her feet into her strappy little shoes. “All the sneaking around and goofing off and partying, none of the tests or homework. It's kind of perfect. Can I come back and do it again?”
“Anytime,” Jeff replied, a grin breaking out across his face as Quinn started to skip on ahead, humming some cheery little tune he didn't recognize.
“And it’s you and me in the summertime,” she sang, spinning to face him while she danced backwards across the green grass, holding both hands out and wiggling her fingers to beckon him closer, eyes bright and smile mischievous. “We’ll be hand in hand down in the park…”
“It’s October,” he called after her, his smile growing even more out of control. Was it possible to love her any more than he did in this moment? She'd never been so magnetic, so alive and whole and amazing.
“It’s fun,” came the floating reply before she ran lightly back to link her arm in his. “That's what this weekend is supposed to be about, right?”
He laughed and shook his head down at her. “Right. You're always right.”
“That's the truth.” She gave one last squeeze to his arm and let go, running off ahead again. “Hurry up, slowpoke, we're going to be late! Come on, try to catch me.”
Like I ever need an invitation to chase after you, Jeff thought, and blushed.
Theta Chi parties weren't quiet affairs on their best days, but tonight was a particularly noisy throwdown, Jeff observed, bobbing his head along to the Sugar Ray song blaring from the overhead speakers.
“Every mornin' there's a heartache hangin' from the corner of my girlfriend's four post bed,” he burbled, still bobbing his head. Huh. Didn't he hate this song? How come he knew all the words?
Closing one eye, Jeff squinted at the red plastic cup in his hand. Hadn't it just been full? He could see the bottom, a few melting ice chips gasping their last over the imprint of the maker's logo. He wondered if it would be a good idea to fill it up again. Probably not, since he wouldn't be able to confirm how many he'd already had, even at gunpoint.
When he looked back up, he remembered why his cup was empty. Quinn sat on one of the battered couches that littered the fraternity house's living room, and she was surrounded by several of his brothers, all of whom were completely smitten with her and vying for her attention like bees in a hive.
This had been the case since they walked through the door of the house two hours ago. Seth Martin, senior and chapter treasurer, had whisked Quinn away from Jeff as soon as they'd arrived. “This has to be the legendary Quinn Fabray,” he'd boomed, shoving a cup into Jeff's hand so that he could shake Quinn's. “Jeff never shuts up about you, but man, he totally didn't do you justice.”
“Oh -” was all Quinn got out, casting a wide-eyed glance of surprise at Jeff over her shoulder as Seth swept her into the party and out of Jeff's sight. Then he'd been accosted by a group of girls, some he'd dated, some he suspected wanted to date him, and that was the last he'd seen of Quinn for a while. Which was fine. They were adults, they'd been to parties before, they didn't have to be joined at each other's hips. It was just fine.
Except that now Seth was leaning a little too closely into Quinn's personal space for Jeff's liking, his arm draped along the back of the sofa while he whispered something in her ear that made her chuckle and turn pink, keeping her eyes fixed on the guitar in her hands - because of course they'd found one for her to play, thanks to Jeff having told them how fantastic a musician she was. It had taken some coaxing and a number of pina colada jello shots, but she'd finally given in and for the last hour or so had been leading her little audience in a singalong of Billboard's Greatests.
Jeff hadn't realized she'd known some of them, he was so used to her singing angry riot grrl anthems and her own catalog of furious songs about Finn. And she was occasionally throwing in cheeky renditions of some of the old favorites like 'You Oughta Know' and 'Seether', but as everyone got progressively more intoxicated, including her, she slowed down to mellower, sweeter songs, like the one she was playing now.
“Kiss me beneath the milky twilight...lead me out on the moonlit floor...”
“Your friend's got Martin eating out of the palm of her hand,” came a cranky little voice from Jeff's elbow, startling him. He looked down to see his ex-girlfriend Alicia standing there, bottom lip pushed out in a sulky pout. Interesting. Apparently she had a thing for Seth. “Half the frat's at her feet. What's her trick?”
Jeff shrugged, returning his gaze to watch Quinn segue into 'Brass In Pocket'. “She doesn't really have tricks. She's just...Quinn.”
Tugging at the end of her silky red ponytail, Alicia examined it for a moment before tossing it back over her shoulder and sighing. “I don't think I can rock the pink tips. Maybe I should take up guitar?”
“Pft. Don't go changing for guys, Ali. You're awesome.” He nudged her with his elbow until she cracked a little smile. Good. They'd parted on good terms, and he still liked her pretty okay. He wanted her to be happy. “And hey, Quinn's leaving Monday, so it's not like Seth actually has a shot at anything with her. You can put a move on him at the next party, right?” She deserved better than Seth, but hey, if that's what she wanted...
“I guess,” she grumbled, offering him her cup of unidentifiable purple stuff. When he recoiled in horror and shook his head, she shrugged and downed it herself. “An' I can always find someone else to hook up with tonight.”
“If you want, I bet you could,” he agreed absently, leaning his head back against the wall. Quinn had paused in her playing to slug back what looked like a huge Long Island Iced Tea, and Jeff wondered just how much she had had to drink. If it was anywhere near as much as he thought he might have had, they were going to have trouble getting back to the dorm.
“You should take a break from babysitting,” Alicia was saying now, and with effort, he tuned back in. “Come dance. Someone brought a killer mix CD of this house stuff they found, it's like a rave in the back yard. There's even glow sticks.”
Experimentally, Jeff pushed off the wall and swayed through a few dance steps. Nope. “Nuh-uh. You just sprouted an imaginary twin. I think I better keep holding this wall up for a while.”
Much to his surprise, Alicia was suddenly leaning up against him, pressing her body close into his and smirking in a way he remembered very, very well. “You could come just...dance with me. In my dorm room.” She slipped her hand between their bodies and slid it down to palm at the fly of his Levi's. “I remember you're pretty good at that kind of dancing, sober or not.”
This wasn't what he'd meant when he told her to hook up with someone else. Oops. “Ali...” He couldn't be less interested. But he didn't want to be rude. “I'm really not...”
“Don't worry about your friend, she's fine, she's a big girl.” She used her free hand to pull his head down closer to hers, flicking her tongue out to dance along his lips. “Seth'll take care of her. She won't even notice you're gone.”
Gently, he tried to disengage. “I really don't want to leave her alone in a strange place.”
Alicia pushed back and rolled her eyes in exasperation. “Oh, come on, Jeff! Why not? We used to have fun. And Jesus, it's not like she didn't leave you alone.”
“What?” Startled, Jeff jerked his head up to look at the sofa.
Quinn and Seth were gone.
It probably isn't a good idea to cockblock an officer of your fraternity, Jeff reflected as he prowled through the Theta Chi house, but fuck it. As far as he was concerned, the welfare of his best friends would always trump frat brothers, period. And Quinn had a tendency to be very agreeable when she'd been drinking, which was not something Seth Martin had any business finding out.
He would do the same thing if it had been Blaine in this position, he told himself. Obviously this had nothing to do with the fact that he was insanely jealous that she'd agreed to go off with Seth in the first place. Noooo.
They weren't in the backyard or the kitchen or the front yard. Nor were they in either of the side dens where the less social usually congregated to play video games. Hoping against hope, Jeff checked the garage, where a noisy pool tournament was taking place, complete with betting that was actually against campus rules.
Nothing.
With a sinking heart, he realized that they had to be in Seth's room upstairs. And he'd wasted so much time looking for them that there was no telling what the senior had been able to talk Quinn into by now. Or out of. Oh, God.
The memory of Quinn in her little black sundress galvanized him into motion, sending him bolting up the stairs where the upperclassmen had their rooms. Seth's door was at the end of the hall, and the only one that was closed. With a deep breath and no second thoughts whatsoever, Jeff barged right through it.
“What the hell...Pauling!” Seth barked, squinting against the light streaming in from the hallway. “Get out! This is private.”
Jeff ignored him, his focus immediately drawn to where Quinn lay on the bed under Seth, one strap of her sundress drooping down her shoulder and her mouth scuffed pink from kissing. She seemed absolutely delighted to see him. “Jeff! I was just thinking I needed you,” she giggled, waving her hand limply. “Seth kissed all my lip stuff off. And I didn't have any more 'cause you have it so I was gonna come get you but we were having fun. But you're here!”
“Yeah. I'm here. You wanna go?” Jeff stepped forward and stretched out his hand, moving slowly while his eyes adjusted to the gloomy darkness of the room. This wasn't a comfortable situation at all. “I think we should go, so you can sleep the drink off, Quinn.”
“Pauling, give her the stupid lip crap and get out,” Seth snarled, impatience in his voice. “She's having fun, you heard her.”
Jeff stopped. Okay, that was about ten kinds of not okay. Unfortunately, Seth had a good fifty pounds on him and was at Berkeley on a rugby scholarship. Plus he'd been drinking. This had to be handled very carefully and very quickly, because he wanted Quinn out of there.
“Yeah, I did hear her,” he agreed finally, choosing his words with care. “But I know her. You don't. I know if I let her do this while she's wasted, she will kill me in the morning.” This was actually true. He didn't want to get beaten up by Seth, but he'd take it over having to face a hungover, compromised Quinn. He stuck his hands in his pockets. “And, dude, I am sorry. I really am. But she scares me more than you do.”
“Yeah? Because I can make you pay for this.” Seth still had one hand on Quinn's hip, close to her butt, and he started to slip it underneath the hem of her skirt. Jeff began to see red. Rugby jock be damned, that was going too far. “You have no idea what kind of hell I can make your life.”
“I'll take my chances,” Jeff managed to get out around a knot of acid rage in his throat, balling his fists up. “I can live through hell, death's more permanent.” He didn't trust himself to get any closer to the bed, even though he really wanted to just tug Quinn out of Seth's grasp and run. He was afraid he'd punch the upperclassman if he moved even one step nearer. “Quinn?”
“Can we go get pizza? I'm hungry.” Taking the decision out of both their hands, Quinn shoved Seth away and lurched to her feet. “Oooh, or pancakes.”
“We'll find you something,” Jeff promised, slinging an arm around her shoulder and escorting her out of the room without another look at Seth. It was hard not to heave a huge sigh of relief. No one had had to bleed, awesome. “Even if it's just snacks back at my room. I don't think either of us is in any shape to like, go anywhere far.”
“Mm. Fine.” She rolled her eyes and smiled at him, in the next instant grabbing for the banister on the staircase. “Oops.”
“I win that argument, I guess.” He took a better hold of her arm and steered her carefully down through the crowd of partygoers. “I think I better piggyback you back to the dorm. Shoes off.” He still felt a little drunk, but the adrenaline of the confrontation had burned some of it away, enough that he thought he'd be mostly okay carrying her back.
She held on to his arm and pried the sandals off when they got to the front porch. As she straightened back to standing, a stiff breeze kicked up, fluttering her skirt and hair. “Fuck! That's cold.”
“Oh.” Remembering his promise from earlier, Jeff made quick work of unbuttoning his flannel and slipping it over her shoulders. “There. And I'll get us back fast as I can. Jump on.” Crouching down, he waited for her to climb up on his back and wrap her arms snugly around his neck before putting a hand under each of her slender thighs and gripping securely. “Ready?”
“Hi-ho, Silver, away!” she squealed, yanking his baseball cap off his head and slapping it onto her own. Wow, she was totally shitfaced. Jeff held back a laugh - a feat made fairly simple by the fact that he was incredibly distracted by having Quinn pressed up on his back and in his hands.
She kicked her feet idly as he trotted back in the general direction of the dorms. It was usually a ten or fifteen minute walk, but he'd never made the trip with an inebriated girl strapped to his back before. Not that he minded, at least not when it was this girl. Although... “You're feeling okay, right? You're not gonna puke down my back?”
“Nope. Feeling good. Feelin' goooo-oo-oooood.” She hugged at his neck. “I was havin' fun with Seth. Mm. He's a good kisser.”
Well, that took some of the wind out of his sails. “I bet.”
“Kiss me out of the bearded barley, nightly beside the green green grass,” she sang, hiccupping a little. “Hey, we're on green grass.”
“Sure are.” He kept plodding forward, trying to not think about Quinn kissing anyone. He'd gotten pretty good at that over the last few years, but tonight he was still a little drunk and she was cuddly and happy and still singing into his ear, and that made it a little difficult to block out mental images of her kissing Finn...and Seth...and Puck...and the wishful ones of her kissing him.
“You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.” She lapsed into silence, snuggling closer with a sigh, her breath warming the back of his neck. “Wanna know something?”
Always. “Sure.”
“That's the first time I kissed anyone since Finn. Wanted to just do it. Get it over with.”
Oh. Jeff adjusted his grip on her legs, suddenly feeling even more awkward. Great. He'd let his macho jealousy get in the way of something that was important to his best friend. What a fucking asshole. “And it was fun?”
“Well, yeah, I mean, kissing is fun.” He felt her shrug. “Kinda wanted to do more, too.”
Oh, God. He was going to die. He was going to die a profoundly unhappy man. And an asshole. “So I shouldn't have taken you away?” Shit. “I'm sorry, Quinn.”
Another shrug. “Nah. 'S fine. Prob'ly...prob'ly not a good idea for it to be...just some guy.” She rested her cheek on his shoulder and he could almost hear her thinking. “I dunno.”
You couldn't really hug a person when you were carrying them on your back, but Jeff gave it his best shot, squeezing Quinn's knees into his sides. “Do what you want when you want to, Quinn,” he replied softly, ignoring how it sent little pangs through his heart to say it. “All that's ever mattered is you being happy.”
“You're sweet,” she sighed, and then said nothing more. Jeff's sneakers crunched across the dry grass, almost to the end of their journey. The dorms were in sight. He'd get them both some water, some aspirin, stick a trash can by her bed just in case, and then they'd go to sleep. Probably it would be best to leave her in her clothes. If she woke up in the middle of the night sober, she could change them herself if she felt like it.
Life was hard enough without undressing the drunk best friend he'd been in love with for way too long.
Quinn was still silent when he carefully helped her slide down off his back at the rear door of the residence hall and poked his head inside to glance around. No sign of trouble, good. He took her hand in his and guided her carefully up the stairs. It looked like she was sobering up a tiny bit, maybe. At least her walking seemed steadier, a little more deliberate with each step up. Good. This would have been a much more considerably difficult trip if he had to carry her up the stairs.
He opened the door and gently nudged her inside - but before he could flip the lights on, Quinn grabbed his arm. “You're not just some guy,” she whispered with a smile, tossing her sandals aside.
Jeff felt his mouth go dry. “What?”
“You.” One hand came up to touch his cheek, the other to grab a fistful of his t-shirt and pull him close. “You're not just some guy.” She used her grip on his shirt to pull him down, and then the kiss she laid on him almost laid him out flat.
She tasted like pineapple jello and rum and the faintest trace of vanilla lip balm.
“Quinn.” He broke the kiss, pushing her gently back and trying to calm his breathing, to tell his heart to race less. “I don't think...”
“I don't want you to think.” She pulled him down again, her lips brushing against his. “I don't want to think. I haven't done this in a while...” Their noses bumped together, eskimo kisses while she whispered. “Pretty sure it goes better if you don't think.”
The one girl he could never say no to, though he knew he probably should. And if they hadn't both been drinking, if he wasn't too far in love with her, if being so close to her for the last day hadn't rekindled all things he'd ever felt for her and stoked the flames higher, he might say no, might stop her -
But she was kissing him again, her tongue slipping gently in to probe and taste, her lips sucking gently at his, and the whole while her hands stayed fisted in his shirt and she held him so close to her that you couldn't have fit a sheet of paper between them. Jeff just couldn't...he couldn't...
“Quinn,” he pleaded, pulling his head away. “You've been drinking, we've been drinking, we shouldn't...”
“If I wanted to stop you, I'd stop you.” She stepped back and shrugged her shoulders, letting his flannel shirt slide down her arms and fall to the floor. “In case you missed it, I'm not stopping you.”
“But...”
“I want it.” Her voice was blurred but firm, her actions loose and decisive all at once as she tugged at the hem of his t-shirt until he lifted his arms to let her get it off of him. The moonlight streaming through the blinds illuminated her face, her green eyes widening in wonder as she let her fingers trace over his abdomen. “Wow. You were hiding this all these years?”
Jeff's head was spinning with want and need and love and worry...and alcohol. “I don't want -”
“You've never thought about it once?” In an instant her dress was up and over her head, leaving her in a lacy black bra and a pair of star spangled blue cotton panties. Reaching up, she placed her hands on either side of his head and pressed herself up close to him again, opening her mouth under his, to whisper the unbelievable just before kissing him yet again. “Really?”
Only every day. Only all the time.
Quinn's fingers clumsily unbuckled his belt, pulled the button-fly of his jeans open. Jeff managed to kick off his shoes and step out of the jeans without falling over and crushing her, and then they were as close to naked as they had ever been in each other's presence, and oh, God, she was beautiful and smiling and tugging him over to his bed.
“Kiss me...” she sang quietly, a teasing smile on her lips as she pulled him down on top of her.
“I did,” he mumbled, confused and still trying to understand that this was happening. That Quinn was in his arms, that her legs were tangled in with his, that her hips were tilting up to press against him, that there was almost nothing between them.
“No, I kissed you.” Her fingers skimmed through his hair. “I want you to kiss me.”
Jeff paused, cradling her face in his palms, letting his fingertips stroke her temples. “If I do it, I won't stop, Quinn, I want...”
“Jeff...” With a sigh and a sweet smile, she pulled him down until their foreheads touched. “Please.”
He gave up. Or gave in, whichever made it okay to dip his head down and let their lips meet, to let his tongue slip softly against hers. He'd kissed half a dozen girls or more since he'd come to Berkeley, but this was just like kissing for the first time all over again...except better.
Quinn's hand caught at his and brought it up to cover her breast, guiding his thumb to scrape over her nipple, and Jeff let out a groan, rolling his hips to press in to hers as the sensitive nub tightened under his finger. A low chuckle escaped her mouth, she lifted her hips up and pushed more firmly against where he was so hard it almost hurt, and after that...
...after that, no one was laughing, and there were no more words, only quiet groans muffled with more kisses, happy sighs, and falling to pieces in each other's arms.
Something isn't right.
It took him a minute to realize he was curled around a pillow. Jeff had gone to sleep with Quinn wrapped in his arms, but now she was gone and he was hugging a pillow. Confused, he sat up and tossed the pillow aside, blinking until his blurry morning vision cleared.
Quinn was sitting on his roommate's bed, staring out the window with a vaguely blank expression on her face. Her fingers twitched as if flicking ash from an imaginary cigarette.
“I haven't had a cigarette since Ibiza,” she murmured softly, a tiny smile playing on her lips. The sun coming through the glass lit the pink tips of her hair like fire, making a halo around her pretty, pretty face. “This is the first time since then I wish I had one. So I'd have something to do with my hands.” She glanced at her fingers and laughed, short and gentle.
Leaning over the edge of his bed, Jeff groped for his boxers and awkwardly slid them on before getting out of bed and padding over to sit by her. “Quinn.”
She kept looking out the window, but gestured to the end table. “I got you coffee in that funky little vending machine down the hall. Cream. No sugar.”
He reached his hand out toward her shoulder, pulled back right before touching her. “Quinn,” he said again, his heart sinking.
“Don't worry, no one saw me.” He watched her take a deep breath and bite her lip before turning to face him, a glaze of tears dimming the green of her eyes. “Jeff, let's just...can we just...” Catches in her voice punctuated her sentences at odd intervals as she spoke. “Can we go back? To yesterday. The day before. Just...before.”
It stung. Jeff was almost surprised at how much. “You think last night was a mistake?”
“No. Never.” The shake of her head was short but vehement, and ended with her hair settling around to conceal her face as she went on. “I was just...happy, before. Comfortable. I don't want to fuck that up, I don't...” Another deep breath lifted her shoulders and shuddered out in a sigh. “I'm not ready to change who we are into something we could lose. I didn't mean for it...”
Jeff didn't know what to do, what to think or say. It felt like he was trying to grab on to a receding wave that was slipping through his fingers. “But last night...”
“Was amazing.” Quinn lifted her head and shook back her hair. “I just feel...I feel like we should leave it. Just make it a one time thing and go back to how things were. Let's not let it change things.”
But I want to let it change things, he protested mentally, resisting the urge to kiss her until she changed her mind. He knew her so well. When Quinn made her mind up, that stayed made.
He should have known better last night, should have known this would happen, but he'd let ridiculous hope take over. He'd actually thought that maybe it could lead to more like he'd always wanted.
Life wasn't the movies. Why hadn't he remembered that?
Jeff nodded, getting to his feet to look for a clean t-shirt. “Okay.”
“Okay?” The relief in her voice was so clear, so sharp he could almost reach out and touch it, let it cut him. Jeff turned away to hide how much it hurt.
“Yeah. It's great. You're right.” With effort, he nailed a smile onto his face before tugging on a shirt and turning back around. “It never happened.”