[Reaction/Possible Video Call]seeing_only_redOctober 19 2009, 19:27:28 UTC
[Itachi stares at his Hitomi from where he sits alone on his normal place outside Kisame's home on the porch--because when he had seen whose dream had been broadcasted, he had known he could not watch it in the company of others, sleep or otherwise--and can't help but think this is no more than he deserves. To be able to feel what Sasuke felt, to see it from his brother's eyes--as Sasuke was forced to see everything through Itachi's own in the way Itachi wanted him to--and know that this is what he caused, this is what his obsessive need to make sure Sasuke was strong enough, was hateful enough, that he had broken his brother in a way that no one can ever mend.
He can feel confusion and the lack of everything, as if all emotions have been lost and his mind cannot connect the dots any longer from thought to feeling to act--much like he himself had felt after attempting Tsukuyomi on himself...only worse. Because Sasuke had been trapped this was for weeks, longer, and when he came back there was something missing.
He wonders at the person his brother thought had died--the person Sasuke believed he had once been. Is this what Naruto meant when he spoke of Sasuke finding happiness, of him being able to care? Itachi had known the price of his actions would be steep, that no matter what road he took he would lose and Sasuke would be hurt, but he had always told himself it was not for nothing. What he had intended would save his brother, would make him the hero, and give him the closure he needed--only Itachi no knows he was wrong, that closure does not exist and Sasuke will never be able to move on no matter what Itachi does.
Even should I let you strip me until I'm nothing and bear the sins for us both, it will still never be enough.
Perhaps seeing so deeply into Sasuke's thoughts is even more than Itachi deserves. Because it is private, it is personal, and Sasuke would never forgive him for knowing what he now knows.
Because Sasuke still cared then. Sasuke had still loved him, even as he hated him--even as Itachi broke him.
Itachi feels his breath catching in his throat, the feel of the air from gentle, chilly breeze of the autumn night burning lightly in his lungs.
He reaches up to turn off the Hitomi, because he can't watch it again, can't delve deeper into where he is not welcome, where he should not tread. But instead--as even though his vision has been returned, there is a haziness that he yet to fully dissipate when he stares at objects too long--he presses the call button.
The Hitomi vibrates in his hand as it tries to connect and Itachi recognizes his own mistake and quickly ends the call. He hopes it was not connected long enough for Sasuke to have noticed.]
He can feel confusion and the lack of everything, as if all emotions have been lost and his mind cannot connect the dots any longer from thought to feeling to act--much like he himself had felt after attempting Tsukuyomi on himself...only worse. Because Sasuke had been trapped this was for weeks, longer, and when he came back there was something missing.
He wonders at the person his brother thought had died--the person Sasuke believed he had once been. Is this what Naruto meant when he spoke of Sasuke finding happiness, of him being able to care? Itachi had known the price of his actions would be steep, that no matter what road he took he would lose and Sasuke would be hurt, but he had always told himself it was not for nothing. What he had intended would save his brother, would make him the hero, and give him the closure he needed--only Itachi no knows he was wrong, that closure does not exist and Sasuke will never be able to move on no matter what Itachi does.
Even should I let you strip me until I'm nothing and bear the sins for us both, it will still never be enough.
Perhaps seeing so deeply into Sasuke's thoughts is even more than Itachi deserves. Because it is private, it is personal, and Sasuke would never forgive him for knowing what he now knows.
Because Sasuke still cared then. Sasuke had still loved him, even as he hated him--even as Itachi broke him.
Itachi feels his breath catching in his throat, the feel of the air from gentle, chilly breeze of the autumn night burning lightly in his lungs.
He reaches up to turn off the Hitomi, because he can't watch it again, can't delve deeper into where he is not welcome, where he should not tread. But instead--as even though his vision has been returned, there is a haziness that he yet to fully dissipate when he stares at objects too long--he presses the call button.
The Hitomi vibrates in his hand as it tries to connect and Itachi recognizes his own mistake and quickly ends the call. He hopes it was not connected long enough for Sasuke to have noticed.]
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