I come home, looking for a little bit of sympathy...
This was supposed to be a nice little update about how awesome Homecoming was and how excited I am for my audition Tuesday and the rest of that crap. That was before my heart started breaking. They always said a boy would break my heart. I always knew I'd never let myself get that close. I lied to myself like he's lieing to himself. A boy is breaking my heart in an unconventional way. My best friend is being stupid and stubborn and not seeing what potential he has. He's alluding himslef and it hurts so much. I didn't think something could hurt this bad. I thought I knew him better than that. I thought he knew me better than that. I hate that he looks up to her so much. I hate that she made him drink and I hate that they have access to whatever random prescription drug they took. I hate that he doesn't think getting high is doing something stupid. I hate that I know she started his smoking without having to ask. I hate that he misses it. I hate that he calls me his best friend and then does shit like that. I hate that he wanted me to go with him. I hate that I didn't go. I hate that he broke his promise. I hate that he didn't kiss me. I hate that he never will. I hate that everyone his own age thinks he's an obnoxious ass. I hate that I kind of agree with them. I hate that I don't let myself see how fucked up he is. I hate that he does. i hate that I can't yell at him like I want to. I hate that I could forgive him anything when his arms are around me and he's making me laugh. I hate that my sister loves him. I hate that I love him more. I hate that I let myself get like this. i hate how I sound. I hate that no one understands. I hate that the only one who could rationalizes it. I hate that life's not perfect. I hate that he's breaking my heart. I hate that I'm letting him.