(no subject)
Right. In response to another irritating I-am-so-very-evil-to-Celeste-rumour, I have decided to explain. This will be my last words on the matter because I’m too old, too stressed and too tired to continue with these childish games. If Celeste wants to fight, she can do it on her own. Following this, I would appreciate if no one engaged me on the topic of our dispute or the subsequent fall out.
I have no doubt that the way Celeste interprets or views these events is somewhat (if not completely) different from my own, but as the one cast as the villain (no doubt due to my own winning personality) it’s my right. I will not, however, disclose person information regarding Celeste. It’s not my prerogative, nor is it my intention, to hurt anyone unduly. I am not absolving myself of all guilt because there’s no way that it’s all her fault, but at the same time, I can’t believe that I did it all myself. So, really, all you’re going to get is a general outline.
What occurred was this: Annabelle and I (although it was mostly me) interfered in an affair we felt Celeste needed to deal with expediently. Our intrusion, however, was viewed in a very different light from our intention. While we only wanted to help, Celeste saw it (I believe) as a deliberate attempt on our part to make her life difficult. While our aim was totally different, the method in which we went about it was flawed and I’d apologise to her about that if I could pin her down. I make a distinction, however, between my behaviour and my intention and I will not (and do not feel I need to) apologise for my intent, which was good. This may be, as Celeste says, an example of my inability to admit to mistakes and apologise (for a full list of my failings, consult the above named expert) but I stand by this decision. What I did was wrong. Why I did it was not.
Following this, I believed that we both needed our own space for a while. I wanted Celeste to have time to think for herself and I felt that my own considerable anger (which was directed at her, perhaps unfairly) wouldn’t help. Again, maybe I went about this the wrong way. I didn’t discus my decision with Celeste, I just did it. Shortly afterwards, I began to hear reports that I was, aside from being the biggest bitch in the world (which I won’t even try to contradict) directly responsible for Celeste’s condition (the very same that I had tried to help her with). This enraged me beyond reason. First of all, I have no such inflated opinion of my own worth as to believe I managed to ruin her life completely. Second, where does anyone get off putting that on another person? I may be everything she says, but what does blaming me and failing to take responsibility make her?
Most of you will probably be aware of the number of petty incidents that occurred after this, namely Sarah’s party and the formal fiasco, following which I sent her an (angry) email to explain my own position and suggest that we both just try to enjoy the night. I never received a reply. I didn’t particularly want one. I don’t really want her as an enemy but I’d never trust her as a friend again. While both our behaviours following this incident have been deplorable, I feel I’ve made an effort where she has just tried to make it difficult. I respect her right to feel as she wants, but I don’t understand why she can’t just pretend civility.
There’s probably a hundred other things to say, but I won’t even try. I think it’s just time to put the whole thing to rest. While the continued rumours (and I know who’s spreading them, so please stop) are upsetting, I’m not going to discuss this topic again. That it all.