HP Fic: After the Moon (R; Remus/Sirius)
Title: After the Moon
Rating: R
Category: Hurt-comfort, first time
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Summary: Remus reminisces about first times and happy times. Written in first person, Remus' POV.
I had never been so touched in my life. The day that Sirius, James, and Peter told me that they had learned to become animagi -- animagi -- for me, so that we could all be together during my transformations… well, I was overwhelmed, to say the least.
I didn’t quite believe them at first, but then, when I realized they weren’t just having me on, I was so astonished and awed and humbled. As they gathered around me, laughing at the expression on my face, clapping me on the back and ruffling my hair, I had to fight harder than ever to keep my emotions in check.
I thought I was going to lose the battle but just as my eyes began watering and my chin began quivering, Sirius caught my eye, gave me a little smile, then stepped (quite deliberately, I’ll always believe) backwards, tripping over and falling into his open trunk and screaming, “Gaaaahhhh, fuck!” as the lid flipped forward and smacked him in the back of the head.
If it was a ruse to distract James and Peter from my overly emotional state, I have to say, it worked brilliantly. James actually fell over, on the floor, clutching his arms around his middle and laughing until he was breathless, and Peter couldn’t stop snorting convulsively.
Stifling a snicker myself, but still grinning broadly, I walked over to Sirius’ trunk and grasped both of his hands, pulling him out of the trunk with a firm yank. He bounded to his feet a little too easily and said, “Thank you, Remus. It’s nice to know I have one friend who’ll help me rather than just laugh at my pain.” Then he leaned in closer, smiled, and gave me a little wink.
I think that was the first time I realized just how far Sirius would go to help a mate. What’s a little lump on the head if it saves your friend from utter humiliation? That may have also been the first time I realized exactly what that warm, squirmy feeling in my stomach that I got sometimes when I looked at Sirius, meant. I was pretty sure that I was in love with Sirius Black.
***
We had a week, after they told me about being animagi, before the next full moon. Every night, they would practice, transforming over and over and then over again. As I watched, sitting cross-legged on my bed and applauding for each in turn, my excitement, initially quite high, began to wane. By the night before, all the pleasure I had felt at the thought of being with my friends during the moon was gone, and my stomach was a nervous, writhing wreck, imagining them all there with me for my monthly ordeal.
James and Peter didn’t seem to notice anything amiss. I couldn’t remember ever seeing them quite this excited about anything and their boisterous enthusiasm was making me even more nervous, if that was possible. Peter insisted that his repeated transformations were making him hungry and James agreed that some chocolate cake from the kitchens would be just the thing, so they grabbed James’ invisibility cloak and headed downstairs, their loud voices and laughter ringing in the stairway, then growing steadily fainter as they made their way out.
I felt the bed dip beside me and looked up to see Sirius smiling at me warmly. His voice was soft as he asked, “What’s wrong, Moony?”
For a moment, I considered plastering on a fake smile and replying, 'Nothing’s wrong,' but Sirius was looking at me so intently. I knew that he wouldn’t be fooled, so I decided on honesty instead, shrugged and said, “I don’t know. I’m just getting nervous.”
“Nervous? Why? We won’t let anything bad happen…you know that.”
“I know you won’t, Sirius. It’s not that.”
“What is it then, mate?”
Looking into his eyes, seeing his genuine concern and affection, I decided to try a bit more honesty. “It’s just, I…I’m not…” I took a deep breath and tried again. “I’m not in control afterwards, you know?”
At his blank and uncomprehending look, I continued. “My body, I mean.” I dropped my chin, unable to meet his eyes any longer as I tried to explain. “It’s very…it’s very painful, and when it’s over, I’m a right wreck. Can’t speak right away. I can’t move. I can’t stand, or even sit up.”
“I’ll help you up then,” Sirius said, quickly. “No problem there.”
I chewed my bottom lip for a bit before continuing, my voice so small I could barely hear myself. “When all of you make the transformation back to your human form, you’re wearing clothes. I’ll…I’ll be naked.”
Sirius leaned over to bump his shoulder against mine. “Seen you naked before,” he said cheerfully. “Don’t see where that’ll be a problem. We’ll bring blankets, clothes, whatever you need.”
“Can’t dress myself,” I muttered in a slightly petulant voice. I glanced up to see Sirius smiling at me.
“So, I’ll dress you,” he said, speaking very slowly and clearly as if to a dim-witted child.
Growing a little exasperated with his lack of understanding, I added, a little too loudly, “I’m a mess, Sirius, all sweaty and shaky, cold and clammy. I’m usually dirty and bleeding.” Faced with his apparent indifference to the disgusting and completely helpless state I would be in, I decided to just throw it all out there. My eyes rolled up to stare at the canopy above my bed as I concluded in an irritated voice, “Sometimes I get sick and I often wet myself.”
There. That would send him running. Maybe I could just get them all to agree to leave the room before I began the change to human form.
I felt a warm, strong arm being slung around my shoulders, pulling me in tight to Sirius’ side. “No worries. I’m pretty good with a cleaning charm, yeah?”
My head fell forward and I heaved a great sigh. I recognized defeat when it came calling. Sirius had no inhibitions of his own, so he couldn’t fathom my embarrassment. He was bold and shameless, and he routinely wore his emotions the same way he wore his Gryffindor scarf - wrapped all around his expressive face and out there for everyone to see. He was a good friend, the best, but this was just something he could never understand. “Sirius,” I began, my voice tiny again.
Sirius’ arm tightened, pulling me closer, and he tilted his head until his temple was resting against mine. “And I’ll be sneaky with the charm,” he said quietly. “James and Peter will probably never even notice anything. Our secret, right?”
So he did understand. And somehow, suddenly the thought of Sirius knowing all of my embarrassing secrets didn’t seem as terrifying. I nodded, causing our heads to bump gently together. “Okay, then. Our secret.”
Sirius turned to me, taking my shoulders in his hands and twisting me around to face him. I chanced a look up, and saw that his eyes were filled with something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. There was loads of affection there, I was sure of that, but also a hungry sort of look, a yearning. And there was deep concern tinged with a touch of sadness.
“You worry too much, Remus, about things you don’t need to worry about. I don’t care what kind of state you’re in after the moon. Couldn’t possibly change the way I feel about you.” Sirius blushed suddenly and seemed a little off-balance as if he’d said more than he’d intended. But bold as ever, he looked right into my eyes as he added, “I’ll take care of you. Promise.”
Then he leaned in very slowly, giving me time to back away I suppose, and when he saw that I wasn’t retreating, was in fact, moving forward to meet him halfway, he closed the gap between us and pressed his lips to mine. I pressed back and our lips squashed together, dry and soft, and our noses bumped. We were both still for a moment, just keeping our lips pressed together, then Sirius puckered his lips against mine before releasing them with a little smacking noise.
My heart was thumping so fiercely that I felt a little light-headed. When I opened my eyes, Sirius’ face was so close and he was smiling broadly. “Want to have another go at that?”
I laughed and nodded and this time when we met, lips were parted, mouths dropped open, and slippery tongues explored new territory. It was somewhat messy and wet, neither of us had even a smidge of control or finesse, and it was perfect. It was my first real kiss, and it was everything a first kiss should be and much better than most people’s, I reckoned.
We were moving in for another when we heard voices drifting up from the stairway - James and Peter back from the kitchens. Sirius gave me a quick peck, then reached up to wipe my shiny, wet lips with his thumb, wiping his own mouth on the sleeve of his sweater. Very quickly and quietly he said, “Don’t worry about tomorrow. It’s going to be all right, you’ll see.”
And it was.
***
I awoke the morning after the moon with vague, half-memories of an exhilarating night. I tried to recall details, but the excruciating pain of the transformation was ever-present and soon it was all I could manage to merely stay conscious.
I could hear myself moaning, could hear Peter’s voice, small and frightened. He’s in so much pain. What do we do?
I could hear James’s voice, usually so confident and authoritative, but shaky and uncertain now. I…I don’t know. I wonder if it’s always like this?
I felt my body shifting, being lifted and pulled, then…warmth, comfort. There were strong, hot hands rubbing my bare shoulders and my arms. Sirius’ voice was soft and rumbling in my ear. Bring me that blanket, James. Put a warming spell on it, will you? Peter, you’ve got the firewhisky, right? He’s not ready for any just yet, but keep it handy. I imagine in a few minutes a little nip might take the edge off.
I could hear James and Peter scurrying around and soon a soft, warm blanket was being tucked all around me where I lay, draped across Sirius’ lap. I think James and Peter were glad for the direction and they never asked Sirius how he knew exactly what to do for me.
With the blanket covering us, I could feel Sirius fumbling around and I knew he had been retrieving his wand from his pocket when I heard him whisper the charm, so quietly that I was sure only I had heard. Suddenly I was dry and clean and warm and it eased my discomfort more than I could ever have imagined it would. I managed to open my eyes and tried desperately to tell Sirius ‘thank you’, but my teeth only chattered more loudly together.
“Better?” Sirius asked, quietly, and I managed a tiny nod. He looked so worried, and so sad. I wanted so badly to tell him that I was all right, that I was better than I had ever been this soon after the moon, but my mouth and my voice wouldn’t cooperate. I could feel his hand, bolder now that we were under the blanket, stroking down my side and coming to rest on my bare hip. I sighed and I think he could tell that it was a contented sigh, because his worried expression eased a little and he smiled at me.
We stayed that way for a while, until my shaking had almost completely stopped and I felt up to beginning the arduous task of getting dressed. I hesitated, though, to remove the blanket, and Sirius, who I was convinced was reading my mind by this point, came to my rescue again.
“Hey, James. S’pose you and Peter could make a spot of tea? I’ve got everything in my knapsack downstairs. Brought some biscuits, too.”
“’Course,” James answered, quickly. “Come on then, Peter.” Peter, glad to help in some way, jumped up quickly, following James from the room.
“All right, Mr. Moony,” Sirius said when we were alone. He eased the blanket from my shoulders and gently extricated his body from where it sat, wrapped around mine. I was suddenly cold again, and trembling hard, but he was back in a blink with my clothes, crouching down beside me and rubbing his hands briskly up and down my arms.
He shifted the blanket around until it was draped over my back and shoulders and then began, curiously, slipping thick, warm socks onto my feet. He glanced up, saw my puzzled little frown, and grinned. “Always start with the socks. If your feet are warm, all of you’ll be warm.”
I laughed a little and nodded. “Right. Got it.”
My underwear followed. He was so careful, so gentle as he slipped the cotton fabric up my legs. His eyes were fixated on my cock, and I wasn’t sure if I was more amused or embarrassed. “Are you eyeing my nob?” I asked teasingly.
He looked up, right into my eyes and replied, quite seriously, “Yes. Yes, I am,” but he did have the decency to blush just a little, I noticed.
I tried not to laugh, but an embarrassing little snort escaped. “You’re honest, at least.” That got a huge smile from him, and he leaned forward, quickly pulling my baggy boxers up the rest of the way, easing them over my hips.
Soon, I was completely dressed and Sirius and I sat together in comfortable silence, listening to James and Peter arguing downstairs about how much tea to use. I suddenly remembered something I had wanted to do earlier, but couldn’t.
“Sirius?”
“Mmm?”
“Thank you. For everything.”
He smiled and punched my arm lightly. “Don’t mention it, mate.” Then his brow creased in a little frown. “Just wish there was something more I could do, you know?”
“No, really. Having you here made this morning so much easier than usual. You can’t imagine.”
I knew I was going to be kissed again when his smile returned and he began leaning toward me. His eyes fluttered closed, but I left mine open so that I could see him when he touched his lips to mine.
He pulled back, smiling, and we returned to our companionable silence for a bit before he said, “Moony? I reckon you’re a bit sore, right?”
“Well, yes,” I answered slowly, wondering where his mind was going.
“I s’pose Madam Pomfrey’ll keep you in hospital all day, but you’ll probably be able to spend tonight in your own bed.”
“I suppose,” I agreed.
“Well, I was thinking. Maybe…tonight maybe, I could, you know. Rub your back and stuff, if you think it would help.”
“My back? And…stuff? How would you…where…?” I trailed off, uncertainly.
Sirius flushed a little and said quietly, “I was thinking that after James and Peter are asleep, I could…you know. Come get in your bed?”
My throat was tight and it was hard to swallow. That nervous, squirmy feeling was back in the pit of my gut, but it wasn’t unpleasant. Kind of nice, actually, and next thing I knew I was nodding my agreement. “Okay. Yeah, okay.”
I was graced with another of Sirius’ brilliant smiles and he said, happily, “Okay, then.”
James and Peter arrived with the tea just then, and for the next little while, we all sat around nibbling dry biscuits and sipping appallingly weak tea (shame James hadn’t listened to Peter on that one), and I had never, never been so happy in my life.
I listened raptly to their account of our evening’s adventures that I, unfortunately, couldn’t remember. I laughed, almost to the point of tears, as James described Peter’s attempts to keep up with the pack, resulting in him spending the majority of the night perched atop James’ head, gripping James’ antlers with all the strength in his tiny little rat paws.
I wish we could have stayed just like that, the four of us, forever -- drinking bad tea and telling silly stories and living in our nearly perfect little world. But much too soon, James began nervously reminding us that it was almost time for Madam Pomfrey and that they needed to get down the tunnel and back into the school before anyone noticed them missing.
James and Peter headed into the tunnel first, and their backs were barely turned before Sirius dared, boldly, to press a soft kiss to my lips. “We’ll see you later this morning, then,” he said. “We’ll come visit in the infirmary, bring chocolate, the usual.” He grinned and winked at me, and then he too disappeared down the dark tunnel.
When Madam Pomfrey arrived later, she immediately commented on how much better than usual I seemed. I just smiled and said that the revitalizing potion she had been dosing me with must be working. She looked so pleased and proud that I didn’t feel one little bit guilty about the lie.
***
That night, Sirius came to my bed for the first time, just like he’d said he would. He climbed between the curtains and put a silencing charm around us, though we were so quiet in our nervousness that it was hardly necessary.
He did massage my aching muscles, as promised, but we dropped that pretence pretty quickly and devoted ourselves to some serious snogging. Our kisses grew more skilled as we learned our way around each other’s mouths, and our explorations soon went beyond mere kissing.
We were so innocent. When I think back to that time, when I remember what my friends had done for me, I think of us as much older and more mature than we were, really, but in truth, I was only fifteen, Sirius was barely sixteen, and we were so very innocent.
My first sexual experience with Sirius consisted of us squashing our naked bodies closely together, much as we had first squashed our lips together. At first, we were almost too nervous to move, other than to squirm more closely together, trying to get inside each other’s skin. But nature took its course, and it wasn’t long before we were rubbing and bucking against each other. Too soon, much too soon, we were coming messily against each other’s stomachs and Sirius got to prove once again how handy he was with a cleaning charm.
***
For years, that was our routine, our tradition. I had been ‘Moony’ for some time, affectionately dubbed thus when they first learned of my condition. It was only fitting that the others have an appropriate name, so James became ‘Prongs’, Peter became ‘Wormtail’, and Sirius became ‘Padfoot’. My Padfoot.
The four of us ran together during full moons and when I awoke the next morning, it was always to James with a warm blanket, Peter with firewhisky (and later, after we left Hogwarts and I no longer had Madam Pomfrey to rely on for medication, Peter would bring a proper pain-relieving tonic), and Sirius. Always Sirius.
Sirius was the only one who ever held me, cleaned me, comforted me, dressed me. In time, James and Peter finally realized why Sirius was comfortable doing those things, and why I was comfortable letting him.
There was a touch of awkwardness initially, but James and Peter surprised us both by coming round much sooner than we would have thought, and in the end, we were all drawn closer than ever. It became another secret that only the four of us shared, and later Lily, too.
There would be other secrets. Secrets that weren’t shared, secrets that would rip our happy existence apart. But I don’t want to think on those secrets today. I’m a tired old man now, and today, of all days, I just want to remember the happiness.
You see, today is the anniversary of the very first time my friends, my pack, ran with me under the full moon, and the very first time that Sirius loved me, after the moon.
Rating: R
Category: Hurt-comfort, first time
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Summary: Remus reminisces about first times and happy times. Written in first person, Remus' POV.
I had never been so touched in my life. The day that Sirius, James, and Peter told me that they had learned to become animagi -- animagi -- for me, so that we could all be together during my transformations… well, I was overwhelmed, to say the least.
I didn’t quite believe them at first, but then, when I realized they weren’t just having me on, I was so astonished and awed and humbled. As they gathered around me, laughing at the expression on my face, clapping me on the back and ruffling my hair, I had to fight harder than ever to keep my emotions in check.
I thought I was going to lose the battle but just as my eyes began watering and my chin began quivering, Sirius caught my eye, gave me a little smile, then stepped (quite deliberately, I’ll always believe) backwards, tripping over and falling into his open trunk and screaming, “Gaaaahhhh, fuck!” as the lid flipped forward and smacked him in the back of the head.
If it was a ruse to distract James and Peter from my overly emotional state, I have to say, it worked brilliantly. James actually fell over, on the floor, clutching his arms around his middle and laughing until he was breathless, and Peter couldn’t stop snorting convulsively.
Stifling a snicker myself, but still grinning broadly, I walked over to Sirius’ trunk and grasped both of his hands, pulling him out of the trunk with a firm yank. He bounded to his feet a little too easily and said, “Thank you, Remus. It’s nice to know I have one friend who’ll help me rather than just laugh at my pain.” Then he leaned in closer, smiled, and gave me a little wink.
I think that was the first time I realized just how far Sirius would go to help a mate. What’s a little lump on the head if it saves your friend from utter humiliation? That may have also been the first time I realized exactly what that warm, squirmy feeling in my stomach that I got sometimes when I looked at Sirius, meant. I was pretty sure that I was in love with Sirius Black.
***
We had a week, after they told me about being animagi, before the next full moon. Every night, they would practice, transforming over and over and then over again. As I watched, sitting cross-legged on my bed and applauding for each in turn, my excitement, initially quite high, began to wane. By the night before, all the pleasure I had felt at the thought of being with my friends during the moon was gone, and my stomach was a nervous, writhing wreck, imagining them all there with me for my monthly ordeal.
James and Peter didn’t seem to notice anything amiss. I couldn’t remember ever seeing them quite this excited about anything and their boisterous enthusiasm was making me even more nervous, if that was possible. Peter insisted that his repeated transformations were making him hungry and James agreed that some chocolate cake from the kitchens would be just the thing, so they grabbed James’ invisibility cloak and headed downstairs, their loud voices and laughter ringing in the stairway, then growing steadily fainter as they made their way out.
I felt the bed dip beside me and looked up to see Sirius smiling at me warmly. His voice was soft as he asked, “What’s wrong, Moony?”
For a moment, I considered plastering on a fake smile and replying, 'Nothing’s wrong,' but Sirius was looking at me so intently. I knew that he wouldn’t be fooled, so I decided on honesty instead, shrugged and said, “I don’t know. I’m just getting nervous.”
“Nervous? Why? We won’t let anything bad happen…you know that.”
“I know you won’t, Sirius. It’s not that.”
“What is it then, mate?”
Looking into his eyes, seeing his genuine concern and affection, I decided to try a bit more honesty. “It’s just, I…I’m not…” I took a deep breath and tried again. “I’m not in control afterwards, you know?”
At his blank and uncomprehending look, I continued. “My body, I mean.” I dropped my chin, unable to meet his eyes any longer as I tried to explain. “It’s very…it’s very painful, and when it’s over, I’m a right wreck. Can’t speak right away. I can’t move. I can’t stand, or even sit up.”
“I’ll help you up then,” Sirius said, quickly. “No problem there.”
I chewed my bottom lip for a bit before continuing, my voice so small I could barely hear myself. “When all of you make the transformation back to your human form, you’re wearing clothes. I’ll…I’ll be naked.”
Sirius leaned over to bump his shoulder against mine. “Seen you naked before,” he said cheerfully. “Don’t see where that’ll be a problem. We’ll bring blankets, clothes, whatever you need.”
“Can’t dress myself,” I muttered in a slightly petulant voice. I glanced up to see Sirius smiling at me.
“So, I’ll dress you,” he said, speaking very slowly and clearly as if to a dim-witted child.
Growing a little exasperated with his lack of understanding, I added, a little too loudly, “I’m a mess, Sirius, all sweaty and shaky, cold and clammy. I’m usually dirty and bleeding.” Faced with his apparent indifference to the disgusting and completely helpless state I would be in, I decided to just throw it all out there. My eyes rolled up to stare at the canopy above my bed as I concluded in an irritated voice, “Sometimes I get sick and I often wet myself.”
There. That would send him running. Maybe I could just get them all to agree to leave the room before I began the change to human form.
I felt a warm, strong arm being slung around my shoulders, pulling me in tight to Sirius’ side. “No worries. I’m pretty good with a cleaning charm, yeah?”
My head fell forward and I heaved a great sigh. I recognized defeat when it came calling. Sirius had no inhibitions of his own, so he couldn’t fathom my embarrassment. He was bold and shameless, and he routinely wore his emotions the same way he wore his Gryffindor scarf - wrapped all around his expressive face and out there for everyone to see. He was a good friend, the best, but this was just something he could never understand. “Sirius,” I began, my voice tiny again.
Sirius’ arm tightened, pulling me closer, and he tilted his head until his temple was resting against mine. “And I’ll be sneaky with the charm,” he said quietly. “James and Peter will probably never even notice anything. Our secret, right?”
So he did understand. And somehow, suddenly the thought of Sirius knowing all of my embarrassing secrets didn’t seem as terrifying. I nodded, causing our heads to bump gently together. “Okay, then. Our secret.”
Sirius turned to me, taking my shoulders in his hands and twisting me around to face him. I chanced a look up, and saw that his eyes were filled with something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. There was loads of affection there, I was sure of that, but also a hungry sort of look, a yearning. And there was deep concern tinged with a touch of sadness.
“You worry too much, Remus, about things you don’t need to worry about. I don’t care what kind of state you’re in after the moon. Couldn’t possibly change the way I feel about you.” Sirius blushed suddenly and seemed a little off-balance as if he’d said more than he’d intended. But bold as ever, he looked right into my eyes as he added, “I’ll take care of you. Promise.”
Then he leaned in very slowly, giving me time to back away I suppose, and when he saw that I wasn’t retreating, was in fact, moving forward to meet him halfway, he closed the gap between us and pressed his lips to mine. I pressed back and our lips squashed together, dry and soft, and our noses bumped. We were both still for a moment, just keeping our lips pressed together, then Sirius puckered his lips against mine before releasing them with a little smacking noise.
My heart was thumping so fiercely that I felt a little light-headed. When I opened my eyes, Sirius’ face was so close and he was smiling broadly. “Want to have another go at that?”
I laughed and nodded and this time when we met, lips were parted, mouths dropped open, and slippery tongues explored new territory. It was somewhat messy and wet, neither of us had even a smidge of control or finesse, and it was perfect. It was my first real kiss, and it was everything a first kiss should be and much better than most people’s, I reckoned.
We were moving in for another when we heard voices drifting up from the stairway - James and Peter back from the kitchens. Sirius gave me a quick peck, then reached up to wipe my shiny, wet lips with his thumb, wiping his own mouth on the sleeve of his sweater. Very quickly and quietly he said, “Don’t worry about tomorrow. It’s going to be all right, you’ll see.”
And it was.
***
I awoke the morning after the moon with vague, half-memories of an exhilarating night. I tried to recall details, but the excruciating pain of the transformation was ever-present and soon it was all I could manage to merely stay conscious.
I could hear myself moaning, could hear Peter’s voice, small and frightened. He’s in so much pain. What do we do?
I could hear James’s voice, usually so confident and authoritative, but shaky and uncertain now. I…I don’t know. I wonder if it’s always like this?
I felt my body shifting, being lifted and pulled, then…warmth, comfort. There were strong, hot hands rubbing my bare shoulders and my arms. Sirius’ voice was soft and rumbling in my ear. Bring me that blanket, James. Put a warming spell on it, will you? Peter, you’ve got the firewhisky, right? He’s not ready for any just yet, but keep it handy. I imagine in a few minutes a little nip might take the edge off.
I could hear James and Peter scurrying around and soon a soft, warm blanket was being tucked all around me where I lay, draped across Sirius’ lap. I think James and Peter were glad for the direction and they never asked Sirius how he knew exactly what to do for me.
With the blanket covering us, I could feel Sirius fumbling around and I knew he had been retrieving his wand from his pocket when I heard him whisper the charm, so quietly that I was sure only I had heard. Suddenly I was dry and clean and warm and it eased my discomfort more than I could ever have imagined it would. I managed to open my eyes and tried desperately to tell Sirius ‘thank you’, but my teeth only chattered more loudly together.
“Better?” Sirius asked, quietly, and I managed a tiny nod. He looked so worried, and so sad. I wanted so badly to tell him that I was all right, that I was better than I had ever been this soon after the moon, but my mouth and my voice wouldn’t cooperate. I could feel his hand, bolder now that we were under the blanket, stroking down my side and coming to rest on my bare hip. I sighed and I think he could tell that it was a contented sigh, because his worried expression eased a little and he smiled at me.
We stayed that way for a while, until my shaking had almost completely stopped and I felt up to beginning the arduous task of getting dressed. I hesitated, though, to remove the blanket, and Sirius, who I was convinced was reading my mind by this point, came to my rescue again.
“Hey, James. S’pose you and Peter could make a spot of tea? I’ve got everything in my knapsack downstairs. Brought some biscuits, too.”
“’Course,” James answered, quickly. “Come on then, Peter.” Peter, glad to help in some way, jumped up quickly, following James from the room.
“All right, Mr. Moony,” Sirius said when we were alone. He eased the blanket from my shoulders and gently extricated his body from where it sat, wrapped around mine. I was suddenly cold again, and trembling hard, but he was back in a blink with my clothes, crouching down beside me and rubbing his hands briskly up and down my arms.
He shifted the blanket around until it was draped over my back and shoulders and then began, curiously, slipping thick, warm socks onto my feet. He glanced up, saw my puzzled little frown, and grinned. “Always start with the socks. If your feet are warm, all of you’ll be warm.”
I laughed a little and nodded. “Right. Got it.”
My underwear followed. He was so careful, so gentle as he slipped the cotton fabric up my legs. His eyes were fixated on my cock, and I wasn’t sure if I was more amused or embarrassed. “Are you eyeing my nob?” I asked teasingly.
He looked up, right into my eyes and replied, quite seriously, “Yes. Yes, I am,” but he did have the decency to blush just a little, I noticed.
I tried not to laugh, but an embarrassing little snort escaped. “You’re honest, at least.” That got a huge smile from him, and he leaned forward, quickly pulling my baggy boxers up the rest of the way, easing them over my hips.
Soon, I was completely dressed and Sirius and I sat together in comfortable silence, listening to James and Peter arguing downstairs about how much tea to use. I suddenly remembered something I had wanted to do earlier, but couldn’t.
“Sirius?”
“Mmm?”
“Thank you. For everything.”
He smiled and punched my arm lightly. “Don’t mention it, mate.” Then his brow creased in a little frown. “Just wish there was something more I could do, you know?”
“No, really. Having you here made this morning so much easier than usual. You can’t imagine.”
I knew I was going to be kissed again when his smile returned and he began leaning toward me. His eyes fluttered closed, but I left mine open so that I could see him when he touched his lips to mine.
He pulled back, smiling, and we returned to our companionable silence for a bit before he said, “Moony? I reckon you’re a bit sore, right?”
“Well, yes,” I answered slowly, wondering where his mind was going.
“I s’pose Madam Pomfrey’ll keep you in hospital all day, but you’ll probably be able to spend tonight in your own bed.”
“I suppose,” I agreed.
“Well, I was thinking. Maybe…tonight maybe, I could, you know. Rub your back and stuff, if you think it would help.”
“My back? And…stuff? How would you…where…?” I trailed off, uncertainly.
Sirius flushed a little and said quietly, “I was thinking that after James and Peter are asleep, I could…you know. Come get in your bed?”
My throat was tight and it was hard to swallow. That nervous, squirmy feeling was back in the pit of my gut, but it wasn’t unpleasant. Kind of nice, actually, and next thing I knew I was nodding my agreement. “Okay. Yeah, okay.”
I was graced with another of Sirius’ brilliant smiles and he said, happily, “Okay, then.”
James and Peter arrived with the tea just then, and for the next little while, we all sat around nibbling dry biscuits and sipping appallingly weak tea (shame James hadn’t listened to Peter on that one), and I had never, never been so happy in my life.
I listened raptly to their account of our evening’s adventures that I, unfortunately, couldn’t remember. I laughed, almost to the point of tears, as James described Peter’s attempts to keep up with the pack, resulting in him spending the majority of the night perched atop James’ head, gripping James’ antlers with all the strength in his tiny little rat paws.
I wish we could have stayed just like that, the four of us, forever -- drinking bad tea and telling silly stories and living in our nearly perfect little world. But much too soon, James began nervously reminding us that it was almost time for Madam Pomfrey and that they needed to get down the tunnel and back into the school before anyone noticed them missing.
James and Peter headed into the tunnel first, and their backs were barely turned before Sirius dared, boldly, to press a soft kiss to my lips. “We’ll see you later this morning, then,” he said. “We’ll come visit in the infirmary, bring chocolate, the usual.” He grinned and winked at me, and then he too disappeared down the dark tunnel.
When Madam Pomfrey arrived later, she immediately commented on how much better than usual I seemed. I just smiled and said that the revitalizing potion she had been dosing me with must be working. She looked so pleased and proud that I didn’t feel one little bit guilty about the lie.
***
That night, Sirius came to my bed for the first time, just like he’d said he would. He climbed between the curtains and put a silencing charm around us, though we were so quiet in our nervousness that it was hardly necessary.
He did massage my aching muscles, as promised, but we dropped that pretence pretty quickly and devoted ourselves to some serious snogging. Our kisses grew more skilled as we learned our way around each other’s mouths, and our explorations soon went beyond mere kissing.
We were so innocent. When I think back to that time, when I remember what my friends had done for me, I think of us as much older and more mature than we were, really, but in truth, I was only fifteen, Sirius was barely sixteen, and we were so very innocent.
My first sexual experience with Sirius consisted of us squashing our naked bodies closely together, much as we had first squashed our lips together. At first, we were almost too nervous to move, other than to squirm more closely together, trying to get inside each other’s skin. But nature took its course, and it wasn’t long before we were rubbing and bucking against each other. Too soon, much too soon, we were coming messily against each other’s stomachs and Sirius got to prove once again how handy he was with a cleaning charm.
***
For years, that was our routine, our tradition. I had been ‘Moony’ for some time, affectionately dubbed thus when they first learned of my condition. It was only fitting that the others have an appropriate name, so James became ‘Prongs’, Peter became ‘Wormtail’, and Sirius became ‘Padfoot’. My Padfoot.
The four of us ran together during full moons and when I awoke the next morning, it was always to James with a warm blanket, Peter with firewhisky (and later, after we left Hogwarts and I no longer had Madam Pomfrey to rely on for medication, Peter would bring a proper pain-relieving tonic), and Sirius. Always Sirius.
Sirius was the only one who ever held me, cleaned me, comforted me, dressed me. In time, James and Peter finally realized why Sirius was comfortable doing those things, and why I was comfortable letting him.
There was a touch of awkwardness initially, but James and Peter surprised us both by coming round much sooner than we would have thought, and in the end, we were all drawn closer than ever. It became another secret that only the four of us shared, and later Lily, too.
There would be other secrets. Secrets that weren’t shared, secrets that would rip our happy existence apart. But I don’t want to think on those secrets today. I’m a tired old man now, and today, of all days, I just want to remember the happiness.
You see, today is the anniversary of the very first time my friends, my pack, ran with me under the full moon, and the very first time that Sirius loved me, after the moon.