Dec 27, 2007 09:21
response: yazoo,
classification: public,
response: gemma,
subject: hojo is vexed by your insolence,
subject: whoops sane now,
subject: lol shinra you're so silly,
response: lucrecia,
response: zack,
classification: private message,
subject: hojo faps over lucrecia again,
response: elena,
subject: hojo is intrigued,
response: namine,
subject: what is this guilt you speak of,
response: schuldig,
response: sylar,
subject: hojo's brain feels violated,
response: makubex,
classification: ic,
response: jenova,
subject: purgatorium,
response: cloud
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I am always upset about something or another.
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More so recently. You can't keep it from me for long. You might as well tell me.
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I think I can keep it from you for a bit. Give you something to do instead of stare at walls.
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How cruel. You know me intimately; I think you owe me something back.
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Something back? All right, Hojo. Here is something back for you:
When I choose to draw back and out of your mind, think of the space that will be left by me. Think of the empty area. Never again will you ever meet someone who will know you as intimately as I do. Never again will you find a person who will understand every little quirk, habit, nuance, and thought that you have. Not one more time in your life will someone understand and accepted you as throughly as I do. Never ever will you be able to feel the presence of another with you no matter where you are and what is going on as you do with me now. You will never have this deep a connection to any man, woman, or child again as long as you exist.
How's that?
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... Do you intend to leave me? Or do you believe that I intend to leave you?
You know that I can't leave you unless you wish it, but it appears that that admirably powerful will of yours is beginning to deteriorate. Your hold is weakening. There's something wrong, isn't there? I find myself with regained urges. How much longer will you last?
It's been a long time.
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That, dear Hojo, is not my will breaking down. That's me losing interest in you since you're not exactly being useful or impressive. I had thought you would do something interesting like try to cure the Jenova infected, but what have you done? Nothing.
What will you do when I am gone and you can't feel the comfort of my presence curled around you no matter what you face on the outside?
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Schuldig. I am an improvement in this state, but I can't claim to be nice in any form, I fear.
... However. For what it counts... when they permit me access to the equipment, I will be assisting Lucrecia in her efforts to cure it. You see, when I claimed to have the cure before to strike that deal with you and help Elena, it was a total fabrication.
I know the cells better than anyone, though. Better than Jenova herself, perhaps.
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Yeah, helping her to try to get under her labcoat again. At least we both lied, hmm?
Then who knows? You might not suffer from it when I pull away. I've seen people go mad after long exposure to a telepath. They just couldn't get used to the hole left behind in themselves. Didn't matter how many pills or whatever they tried to pack in it. I've been wrong before. You might do quite well without me.
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Unlikely, and nor would I desire to. I have always appreciated her for her intellect most of all, but it seems she is in a relationship with Strife. Her taste in men is, of course, still terrible.
If you pull away, I would be mad regardless. I am not oblivious to what you've done - not any longer, at least. And what would you have me do? You can hardly remain forever without destroying yourself, and when you leave or lose the capacity to function, I'll fall apart from the absence or my pre-existing sickness. It's a lose-lose situation, frankly.
It seems wisest for you to abandon me now while I am safely confined in Shinra, though I can't deny that the idea is somewhat... unpleasant to me. I don't want to be that man again.
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At least someone appreciates me.
I don't think so, Hojo. You and I are stuck together to the end, no matter how bitter it is. You're not going to be that man again for awhile, at least not until Shin-Ra runs out of drugs to be giving me although I don't think these are working well anymore.
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You'll get no pity from me, Schuldig. You enjoy more appreciation than I do.
... I'm not sure I'm fond of that idea, either. Enough have suffered for me without you throwing yourself on the pyre.
I have my own plan in mind.
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Hmph.
Hojo, if you try to get away from me mentally, I will pounce on you so hard it would make a cat jealous. I'm not sacrificing myself. I don't trust you out there.
Oh? What's that?
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Hee.
It is a sacrifice of sorts, isn't it? To spend your every waking hour doing something as loathsome as this. I don't envy you, but I do respect you.
A secret. At the very least, I have no intention of attempting to destroy the connection, Schuldig. My goal is entirely different.
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Smartarse
I've done much worse for much less of an immediate gain. I've also dealt with much worse. I'll live.
See, now that makes me nervous. You keeping secrets is generally a bad thing, Hojo. Don't make me come in there and find it.
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Someone should be.
Perhaps you should, Schuldig. Though, I think I've gotten rather good at being evasive when I need to be. I hate ruining surprises.
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