Break me down easy on this generic love shit
Who: Equius Zahhak and Lucas Lee
When: Thursday
Where: Lucas's room
Summary: Feelings are hard. Especially when you're not used to having them.
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
( First kiss frog and princess )
When: Thursday
Where: Lucas's room
Summary: Feelings are hard. Especially when you're not used to having them.
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
( First kiss frog and princess )
He's not really surprised to hear a knock at his door, considering there are more than a few people at the facility who have an open invitation to visit Lucas--which is odd, when he thinks about it. Lucas pops Terminator on his shoulder and moves to the door to swing it open--
--and there's no one there. What the fuck.
Until he looks down, anyways.
"Equius?"
Did the kid CRAWL all the way here? Lucas allows himself to look worried for one moment as he bends down and scoops him up by the armpits, ignoring the (what seems to be constant--is this a troll puberty thing?) sheen of sweat.
"Damn, dude." He shuts the door with his foot and sets Equius down so he's sitting on the edge of his bed, before raising an eyebrow. "What's wrong?"
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He's nearly snarling when Lucas plops him down, flushed, and he just glares up at him through his sunglasses, ashamed.
"...Don't do that. Hrrmh."
He hoists his shorts up a bit higher, looking at Lucas's face until he can't take it anymore, and his gaze shifts down to Lucas's knees, instead.
"...I needed to speak with you."
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He looked more upset than tired, really. He's also wearing his own shirt again, the red shirt that Lucas gave to him nowhere to be found. Which is interesting, when just hours earlier he was acting like he was gonna super glue it on his body. Lucas looks at him, noticing the the avoidance of looking him in the face, and tries to sound as gentle as he can.
"....alright. Did something happen..?"
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It takes him a while to respond, his fingers curling in the bedclothes irritably. He doesn't want to talk about this, but a part of him is telling him that he should do it. It'll make him feel better. He'll calm down, and maybe Lucas will be able to tell him what he's doing wrong.
"...Nepeta...was right. I've...I'm not sure what I've done. But it wasn't wise."
He glances up at his face again, then back down to the floor.
"...Aradia does not...return my affections, as I'd hoped."
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"....I thought you said that....yesterday. She really liked the shirt..?"
Granted he didn't know this chick at all, besides their one brief conversation. And he knows that some girls can be fucking nuts, but this is a pretty quick change for what he thought was going on between them.
"Tell me what happened. There's a good chance that....you're maybe seeing it the wrong way, since you're involved. Maybe you need an outsider's perspective." If this was Nepeta, he'd already have an arm around her. But Equius definitely gave him the feeling that closeness wasn't something he wanted or needed right away, and he should wait til he's sure.
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He moves his right hand from the bed to his thigh, rubbing it hard to coax himself to keep talking. It's just so awkward to trust Lucas with his feelings. He's still not entirely sure how he feels about him, or if this is anywhere near a good idea. What if Lucas tells Nepeta...?
He grimaces.
"I told her that I...love her. And she said she didn't feel the same."
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Well. This is...
"...you told her you loved her, and she said....she didn't wanna be with you?"
There were a lot of things happening here, and Lucas felt like he didn't really understand them. But this whole situation, from what he knows about it and the more he keeps finding out...is making him worry. And maybe he's projecting too much of himself at fourteen to what Equius is like present day, but he can't help it.
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He grits his teeth.
"...W-what right does she have? I've been waiting for her for such a long time...I'm doing everything I can to please her...and she's nothing but selfish. Not even considering how long I've pined for her, and all that I've done for her...the sacrifices I've made, the onslaught of verbal assault from the likes of Captor...she...she should be happy, to have a man like m-me. PROUD, that I've chosen her, while Nepeta...suffers..."
He digs his fingernails into his leg, hissing.
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Lucas moves one hand and gently takes Equius's wrist, pulling it away from his leg and putting it on the bedspread.
"That doesn't sound like she doesn't wanna be with you. It sounds like she just...isn't ready to say that particular thing, yet. It doesn't mean...that she isn't happy, or she isn't proud."
He shifts his weight a little awkwardly, turning more towards Equius and sighing quietly.
"I think...it'd be less considerate of her to just...say what you wanna hear, because you've done so much for her. It doesn't mean she never will say it. Just that...when she does it'll be that much more important."
Lucas decides, even though Equius is obviously pissed off, that he should put his hand on his shoulder. So he does. Lightly.
".....I think you might be overreacting. A little."
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He doesn't understand. There's no way he understands. When Equius gets his strength back...he'll barely be able to hold her hand. And if she doesn't love him by then...well, what would stop her from finding some other troll to suit her needs? Someone who would be able to hold her like she wants, and stroke her face, and kiss her softly. Someone like...Sollux, or...anyone at all, for that matter...
Equius glares at the floor. Who could ever love someone like that, after all? Someone who can't even kiss the one he loves? Outside of Nepeta, that is. Nepeta...
He chews at his own tongue.
"I've waited. For so l-long."
His mouth starts to well with blood.
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He remembers, sometimes a little too clearly, the countless days of himself as a kid, wishing so hard for sometime to like him, or care about him, or maybe even love him. Thinking that if he just wanted it bad enough, it would happen for him. And then eventually realizing that it would never happen and just sinking lower into his chair and into his room and into his life. He didn't want that for Equius.
He doesn't move his hand away from his shoulder, though.
"....I think...she knows that. But...she's only been here for a week. Hasn't she..? You have to give her time to...adjust."
Lucas moves Equius's hair off of his shoulder and notices his tensed jaw.
"You've waited alone a long time. But...now that you have her, you don't wanna...sabotage everything instead of waiting with her, for a little while longer....just because you're scared.
Right?"
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He swallows thickly, a trickle of blue blood escaping from his lips, regardless. He looks down at his own hand, then back to his remaining knee. "...I don't. Want to sabotage anything. But what if she decides, after weeks of being with me, that she doesn't feel the same...? What am I to do then?"
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Once the blood is cleared he puts his arms around him. He's been doing this a lot lately. But Equius specifically sought him out, and if he went to find Lucas, then he probably didn't have anyone else to talk to about this.
"...in the unlikely situation that she decides she doesn't wanna be with you, then....it's her loss, I guess. And there's someone better for you. But I think it's gonna work out a different way. As long as you just...go slow. And take the time to have fun and...be happy. Around each other.
Worrying about what might happen'll only make you sick."
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"...I suppose." He sighs. His tongue is sore, now, where he's bitten it. It's his own fault.
He presses his forehead into Lucas's chest.
"...Does Nepeta hate me...? She's...not telling me something."
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