The angry boy a bit too insane

[togana_keiri]

Who: Maka Albarn and Justin Law
When: various times
Where: Justin's room.
Summary: Maka's continued efforts to help Justin after all of his recent traumas.
Rating: pg-pg13, will be updated as necessary
Warnings: Potential swearing, potential references to assault, suicidal thoughts

Comments

4th Wall, right after pulling Justin from the insanity after her failed attempt, 1/10

[togana_keiri]

When she had finally reached him through the waves and waves of madness, Maka collapses legs first in the dirt, silently trying to steady her wavelength. It had been harder this time and she wasn't sure if that was her fault or his fault, or maybe both. She didn't really want to know the answer either way.

For a long while, she's completely silent, simply sitting and waiting, wondering what to say.

[guillotine_beat]

He's shaking, muscles twitching from the past week of unusual exertion and the sudden shock of being forced out of the fusion with the clown. The stump of his leg aches. He is aware of everything right now, painfully so after the way that insanity had blotted out every negative emotion, every physical ache.

Justin cannot raise his head to look at her. His wavelength is all over the place, not settling down into its normal pattern, and he's having difficulty forcing himself calm.

It would be so easy to slip back into insanity, to let go again and just fall and never ever come back. But he's not brave enough to give up on fear, and so he just curls in on himself and shivers.

[togana_keiri]

She watches him for a while longer, unsure, and then crawls towards him and prods him as gently as possible with her wavelength. The contact is short and light, like a feather's touch, not wanting to startle him or make him lash out.

[guillotine_beat]

"Go away," he says, and he tries to shrink his soul down and pull as far away from her as possible without actually moving.

[togana_keiri]

She retracts her soul but she doesn't go away. Maka doesn't have the strength to go away. She keeps waiting for the right words to come but nothing does.

There's the chance of course that he lost or broke the amulet. The chance that this was an accident, but then Maka had had a taste of the insanity herself. She'd felt the temptation and given in. She knew deep down this hadn't been an accident.

Maka doesn't leave and she doesn't speak, but she does move a little closer, slowly, carefully.

[guillotine_beat]

He glances over at her, not making eye contact, just watching.

"I did not want you to save me."

[togana_keiri]

He's met only with silence for a few solid minutes and then a very quiet, "I know."

[guillotine_beat]

"You should not have tried."

[togana_keiri]

"I had to." She doesn't know what else to say.

[guillotine_beat]

"No. You did not."

[togana_keiri]

"You're my friend. I couldn't leave a friend like that." Even, she thinks, if it was what they wanted,

[guillotine_beat]

"I wanted it."

The admission comes far too quickly to be painful. He's just telling the truth, and doesn't care if it's right or wrong. He wanted it, wanted the insanity, wanted to lose himself in something that could erase him.

Things would be so much easier if death were permanent.

"You knew I wanted it, and you placed yourself in danger because you were trying to rescue me from something I did not want to be saved from."

[togana_keiri]

She's silent for a while before working up an answer.

"The things that we want aren't always good for us." After another moment, she adds quietly, "I wanted it too." Probably not to the extent that he did, but for a while, there had definitely been a desire for the release that insanity allowed.

[guillotine_beat]

"Who gave you the right to decide what was best for me? Who gave you the right to stop me?" He's angry, and hurting, and wants to make someone else hurt. Maka is the best possible target.

[togana_keiri]

She flinches.

"You would have hurt other people. You would have hurt yourself. It would have ended eventually anyway."

[guillotine_beat]

"Why do you think I care?" He doesn't care. Not about other people, not about himself. "The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because we come back after we die so why do you think it matters to me if I get hurt?"