I remember every dying whisper, every desperate murmur

[ippotsuko]

Who: Accelerator and Bucky Barnes
When: Sunday
Where: Bucky's room
Summary: Accelerator notices something off at reset and keeps his redirection field up. Knowing he can't do so forever, he goes to see the only person he knows with an electric generator in his arm...and also ends up discussing his many needstotrain misakanetwork theworstclone. 
Rating: PG-13-R I guess
Warnings: Accelerator'

Comments

[bucky_cap]

It's after he's visited Timothy and made sure he's alright. He left for a bit, to let him have some time with other visitors. When Accelerator barges in, Bucky is sitting at his desk, back bent, forehead pressed against a sheet of paper on the surface. There's a bit of writing on it, in a quick, anxious scribble, and the pen has obviously fallen from his hand. He doesn't know what to do, what to think. Chemical lobotomies? Are they serious? From the posts in the observations, conversations with Val and other people, he's guessing they are.

This is it. This might be his last lucid night.

They're going to fuck with his head. They're going to take everything he is, they're going to turn him into something else, they're going to twist his mind to their will just like the goddamn Russians did, and there's nothing he can do to stop it save die, because the chemical is in the air, it's everywhere. This is the end of Bucky Barnes and the beginning of some drooling vegetable, he thinks. A fleeting thought said it would be a good idea to write down some things about himself for later, all the things he wanted to know in '54 when he was no one.

Bucky glances up at Accelerator, expression tired and resigned. "Accelerator? Hey."

[ippotsuko]

"There's shit in the air," his reply seems only mildly annoyed with the situation, but Bucky knows him well enough to know that doesn't necessarily mean there isn't plenty more going on in his head. He taps the black collar around his neck a few times, "I've been redirecting it."

He wastes no time in walking over to the desk and poking Bucky with his cane, "Give me your arm. The metal one." He's not going to ask. He's not going to explain. He's just going to demand. Get the action over with. Think--and talk--afterwards.

[bucky_cap]

"Yeah, I know. Chemical lobotomies... God, this is it for most of us," he says, oddly calm about the whole thing, even though he's panicking inside. There isn't anything he can do to save himself, after all, so why waste the energy? Why panic and breathe more of it in and make it happen faster? He's silently glad Steve isn't here for this, though who knows, he'll probably come back lobotomized when they finally decide to put him back in...

But at least Accelerator has a chance. Maybe it's that long-buried paternal instinct he didn't even know he had that makes him glad that even if he can't survive this, the kid can.

Bucky slides open the panel on his prosthetic just a bit and disconnects the generator from his palm discharge, offering it wordlessly for Accelerator to plug himself into. "You can keep it up indefinitely like this?"

[ippotsuko]

"Hell if I know," he replies, getting himself connected, "But I'm going to try. Worst case scenario, I just hold this shit off for a few hours. I don't care, I'll buy myself as much time as I can."

He leans against the wall, sighing, "Lobotomies should be...permanent. Irreversible. But here they can bring the dead back to life even after they've been completely ripped apart. Digested alive," he knows that one from experience, "It doesn't seem to matter here. Impossible shit is commonplace."

Hopefully, you see where he's going with this.

[bucky_cap]

"Hopefully you can keep it up. Stay plugged in as long as you need." If he can be at least a little useful, all the better. He can't help Timothy, he can't help Yukina, can't help anyone, but he can help Accelerator this time. Bucky glances back down at his notes, picks up the pen in his flesh hand and goes back to trying to write things down.

He pauses, sighing. "I've read every unlocked conversation on the observations post. They're serious this time, the Consortium. It's going to be permanent after this week, and we'll all be fucked by mid-week..."

[ippotsuko]

"Since when he we trust what those fuckers tells us? Anyway, their intention isn't the point. The point is that with whatever the hell they're using to run this place, it probably can be done. Somehow."

He hangs his head, "Even if it's likely that this isn't going to get me anywhere, I'm still going to try. Especially now that they've dragged more of those brats into this."

[bucky_cap]

"Accelerator, Val was acting like she didn't want to do this. It'll make experimentation difficult and make results hard to get. So why would the computer bitch lie about something like this?" He sounds so resigned, so defeated in a way. It makes him nauseous just to think that he's still breathing this stuff in.

"...More brats?" He's confused for a second, unable to think straight, but then it comes to him. The two new Misakas who posted to the network. "More of the clones."

[ippotsuko]

"For the results of this experiment. And she's a computer. Her 'acting' is programmed into her. If she wants to 'act' reluctant, it doesn't mean she is. She'd feel no remorse about tricking us all, anyway," his defiance is...quite different from how defeated he was last week.

"That's right. The fuckers saw fit to drag two more of them in to get tortured," he's trying hard to keep the emotion out of his voice. He's really angry and frustrated by the whole thing, "One of them's supposed to be dead, so it's not like anything we do matters to her anyway."

[bucky_cap]

"I don't know. I just don't know. I don't know if I'll even care after tonight." Have fun with this, Accelerator - for once, you get to see Bucky vulnerable. It's probably something you'll never see again after this week. For once, he really is truly bothered deep, deep down, and not for anyone else's sake; it bothers him that it's happening to him.

Bucky sighs and glances over at him, scooting the chair out from under the desk and motioning Accel toward the beanbag chairs. He might as well get comfortable, at least. "They probably do it because it bothers you. Not that I can blame you for being bothered. You wanna talk about it?"

[ippotsuko]

"I'm sure as hell not giving up my brain without a fight." Seeing Bucky this way is...strange. Unsettling. Not as bad as his return from Haven, but he still doesn't like it.

"What's there to talk about?! They bring in a dead girl and a huge bitch only to lobotomize them. Seems pretty fucking straightforward to me," but he sits himself down into the beanbag chair anyway because it's comfy. Bucky probably already has an idea of how their arrival is affecting him, from how well he knows him and what he's seen of his reactions to Last Order and 10032.

Of course, these two were different. One came with the guilt of having already met her death his hands and other...a ton of issues from their original meeting on the Russian tundra. Her very existence hurt him because she literally only came into existence so she could destroy him.

[bucky_cap]

Dad is a troubled, troubled man. "At least you can fight this. Give 'em hell for me," he says quietly, laying down his pen. What's the point of leaving notes? He's not sure if he'll even be able to read after this. Or if he can, will he want to? Will he care about who he used to be?

If Accelerator cared to take a look at Bucky's notes about himself, all he's written across the page is this: Your name is James Barnes. Everyone calls you Bucky. Your best friend is Steve Rogers, and you have three kids - Timothy, Yukina, and Accelerator. They're why you fight.

But for the moment, at least he can set it aside and focus on Accelerator's clone problems. The distraction is welcomed. "Plenty to talk about, judging from your reaction. This might be the last chance we get to really talk, kiddo." He sighs quietly. "Tell me about 'em? Worst is the one that told you all the clones hated you, isn't she?"

[ippotsuko]

"I'll do what I can...Dad." He says it hesitantly, and it probably seems strange coming out of him of all people. Foreign. It can't be a mere slip of the tongue; because unlike most kids he's never had anyone to assign that name to. Using it is new. Unnatural. But definitely deliberate.

He glances towards the paper, but he's not going to pry. Bucky's private notes to himself are his own. Even if they take his free will, he'll still have that. "What does it matter? Sure, she said that. And soon, her frontal lobe will be destroyed and none of these problems are going to matter at all. Born for no purpose other than destroying me, and then when she gets a chance at a life of her own this happens. Fucking figures."

[bucky_cap]

The word catches him by surprise, as it always does, but it makes him smile a little despite himself. Dad. He still isn't used to that word from Timothy, still isn't used to 'papa' from Yukina, but he never expected Accelerator to say it, too... At least it's something to hold onto as his brain dies.

Bucky wants to reach out and give him a hug, but they can't take chances with his field and the chemical, in case it can be passed through skin contact, so he stays put. "I know you will." And those four words speak volumes about how proud he is.

"It isn't fair, I know. But maybe you can still do something about it. You'll have more time than the rest of us, you're a smart kid. Maybe you can figure this out."

[ippotsuko]

You can see it on his face, that he's still not sure of what to think of what he just said. But he tried it. And he's going to have to live with whatever comes from that.

"...I have to. I have to be able to do something. I always...find a way to do something."

[bucky_cap]

Well, he won't have to live with it for much longer, Bucky thinks, since his own brain is turning to mush. Who the hell knows if he'll even remember this? But he wants to remember it for as long as he can.

"I'm sure you'll figure something out. And even if there's nothing to figure out... I know you'll try. I'm proud of you, kiddo."

[ippotsuko]

He doesn't want to let that happen. He really doesn't...

"...There's nothing to be proud of. #9982 is proof of that." He shoots a glance at the floor, burying his face in his hands. Digging his nails into his skin out of frustration.