Still they're invincible, still they're immune to all our herbicidal battering.

[couldbdangerous]

Who: Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Kenzi
When: Wednesday
Where: Places.
Summary: Sherlock was fairly certain that if there were a railroad running through the facility, Kenzi would manage to get herself tied to the tracks.
Rating: Yeah, I dunno. R just in case.
Warnings: The usual.

Comments

[couldbdangerous]

"You're in a tree and you expect John to be able to help you?" Sure, she couldn't see it, but Sherlock was wearing his incredulous face anyway. "Attempt to divert me all you like; I know who you're really after. The tall one. Still not interested."

Did she hear that rummaging around, though? That was Sherlock fetching crowbar and knife with much sighing. "In any case," he went on, "he's busy. I'm perfectly capable of cutting you out of a tree by myself. Just you and I again, that should please you. Did you think I would forget the way you threw yourself at me the other night? On my bed, even, you naughty thing. I know, you can play coy all you like but I can read you like a book."

He wasn't even bothering to use his sarcastic voice, just letting the words spill evenly and matter-of-factly out of him, because if he could he may as well attempt to get some fun out of all of this. If she used even one more exclamation point somewhere in the next string of texts, he'd consider his tease successful. Never, ever a bad time for games. He looked at John, shaking his head, and pointed at the door, eyebrows quirking up. Coming along?

Well, if nothing else, it could be quite funny.

[doctorsoldier]

Threw herself at Sherlock in bed? He knew there had been a kiss -- which was amusing -- but maybe that went a little too far? Even if she was just trying to mess with Sherlock. The man didn't care for being touched and having a Kenzi-Monster suddenly rubbing against him-- Oh, all right. John was amused again. No harm done. He kept his mouth closed and got up slowly, leaving his aloe plant behind. He'd get back to it.

Like an obedient dog, John trotted after Sherlock only to frown as they neared the cafeteria.

It was dangerous in there. The Biodome would be worse. What was Kenzi thinking!? ... Probably nothing.

[onteamdyson]

That wasn't even-- that's not how it-- aughghghghg.

SHUT UP AND HELP ME YOU DICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! should have texted him directly. hate you. dying.

Hopefully that was enough exclamation points to satisfy his need to tease. Despite the humour in her texts, she was actually starting to worry. The cut on her leg wasn't deep at all, but it had been caused by a thorn and was starting to itch. She feared it could be a sign of poison or death or-- wow. Plants trying to kill her gave her a wicked sense of deja vu.

The last time she'd been faced with autonomous vines they'd been attached to a nasty fae called a wight and she wanted to use Kenzi as fertilizer. These vines seemed content with holding her against a tree, squeezing her a bit, and totally mocking her. Bastards. Green, leafy bastards!

[couldbdangerous]

Sherlock would have concurred with 'probably nothing'. Honestly, if it hadn't been so utterly ridiculous a situation he'd probably have been genuinely annoyed at the fact that they were left picking up the pieces of her mistake and putting themselves at risk to do it.

"You know very well that if you'd texted him directly I'd only have cut in," he responded evenly. "You can't possibly expect me to sit out an opportunity to laugh at you for being thick. What were you doing, anyway? I should like to see you try to make it sound anything less than criminally ill-advised."

Was he deliberately trying to disguise the fact that they were on their way? Yep, pretty much, because Sherlock and being a bit of a prick went hand in hand. Particularly where Kenzi was concerned. It was how they related to one another. Bit difficult to disguise the sound of the Biodome doors scraping open a few inches, catching on vines and rustling leaves. Sherlock peered in somewhat apprehensively. She went in here, really, after looking through and seeing what it was like?

No, there was really no way to make that sound any sort of logical or reasonable. He shot John a look and adjusted the grip on his crowbar, setting his shoulder against the door to give another shove and open it far enough for them to squeeze through.

[doctorsoldier]

That was it. John decided that he liked the desert far more than he liked the jungle. The sheer amount of humidity that struck them both as the door was shoved open almost made him gag. It was foetid. It was alive. It was spectacular and frightening. John actually hesitated.

Why Kenzi? Why? John could answer that question, but it wouldn't be very nice.

He was sweating within moments of moving passed Sherlock and blinked at the various, monstrous, plants that filled the biodome. Nothing made sense. Tropical plants with fruit trees? Evergreens? It was as if the place had just erupted with every plant known to man.

It was beautiful. And frightening. And John had this feeling that they were being watched.

[onteamdyson]

Not far from the entrance, Kenzi's sword was stuck in the ground. She'd dropped it when the vines grabbed her up. Useless piece of crap...

It should be obvious why she went in there. Nothing had happened, she heard there was fruit, she got hungry, and then she got cocky. No one was keeping an eye on her and she got bored. Sherlock and John, of all people, should know how dangerous boredom can be.

And then she saw the movement of the foliage and the tops of their heads and whatever fear she had melted away. That stupid jerk, he was messing with her the whole time!

keep going straight 20 steps idek soooo close sword is on ground leg is asleep SO HUNGRY

[couldbdangerous]

Idek? What was that supposed to mean? Right, Sherlock was just going to ignore that bit because the rest, at least, was intelligible. 20 steps. Was that 20 steps for his legs, or 20 steps for her tiny little ones? Honestly, whatever happened to using specific measurements? Was it so very difficult?

He didn't actually ask any of those questions, mostly because making noise in this place seemed... anathema. Even if it was only plants moving and slithering about them, he was loath to disturb them with his own sounds. At least for now. He moved slowly. Some of these bloody things shot barbs, as they'd learned, so he disturbed the foliage in front of him with his crowbar as they walked, eyes bright and alert as they sought to take in everything as quickly as possible. His stride was slightly clipped, muscles tense, weight distributed as evenly as possible at every point in his stride, all just in case he needed to move suddenly.

Sherlock was, of course, also keeping a watchful eye ahead and above, though that task became moot when his eyes alighted on the sword. He nudged John on the shoulder and snorted, nodding towards it, and flicked the audio feed on his communicator off. And there she was, in all her ridiculousness. He stretched up, extending the crowbar by its furthest handle to press it gently against her cheek and carefully hook it underneath the vine wrapped across her mouth... and paused, looking down at John.

"You know," he said musingly, "I'm not entirely sure we should take this one off at all. It's rather an improvement over the usual."

Sorry ladies, crap tags from me today.

[doctorsoldier]

John crossed his arms over his chest and peered upward, licking his lips as if in contemplation. "I'll have to defer to you," he said with a sly smile. "She did contact you and must value your services more than mine." Oh Kenzi, well done! John didn't even look like he was trying to keep himself from laughing either. He really wasn't that good at poker, but when having a laugh on a mate, he could keep his cool. "Should we cut her down at all? Seems a waste of time."

and then I was super late...

[onteamdyson]

Kenzi might not have been able to speak, but she was glaring daggers at the two men. It was her typical 'this isn't funny, you jerks' look and they'd probably seen it a dozen times. She struggled against the vines in order to kick Sherlock with no luck whatsoever. She was stuck tight and very unhappy.

Thankfully, she did have one free arm and, after dropping her facilliberry to the ground, she was able to give Sherlock the finger! So ladylike. What a joy to be around. They would surely save their friend with no question at all after THAT display!

John, however, did not get flipped off. Nope. John got the saddest Kenzi puppy eyes on the planet. Looooook! Look how sad and helpless she is! It's so not funny, John! Not even a little bit!

<3

[couldbdangerous]

"Definitely a waste of time. That terribly uncouth display only proves it. And look," he said brightly, picking up her dropped mobile, "now she can't bother me anymore! We could get up to all sorts of fun with this, you know. No, hang on, stop kicking, just got to announce your fierce and undying love for me to the network at large first." He pretended to type, crowbar tucked under one arm, expression concentrated.

"It's precisely that sort of love, you know," he said to John confidingly, glancing up at him briefly. "Can't be contained. She's got to shout it -- via text, of course, because she knows that's my preferred method of communication; an hommage, of sorts, if you will -- shout it to the entire facility. If there were mountaintops and she weren't currently tied to a tree, why, she'd climb them and proclaim it there, but given the current situation she's making do. As needs must."

Sherlock was very nearly tempted to do it, too, just to teach her that leaving her communicator unattended and out of reach was a rather poor idea. As he was a benevolent and merciful master, however, he refrained, opting instead to carry on his commentary with John. "She was just going to ask me to marry her, but she's something of an old-fashioned romantic at heart, you know. All this playing at self-sufficiency and competence is just a ploy to hide her sensitive, lonely inner self from those who might abuse it. But she trusts me, you see, and she'd really much rather I propose to her. As the man ought. Roses and candlelight and all that mess."

Re: <3

[doctorsoldier]

Sherlock was joking and John managed to get behind it for all of ten seconds before his eyebrows moved progressively higher up on his forehead and his lips drooped downward. He'd turned into some cartoon representation of himself and it was understandably a little silly or maybe frightening to see.

"Sherlock." Warning one when it came to Kenzi no longer bothering him. "Sherlock." Punctuated in John's cheeks this time and over Kenzi's supposed love. "Sherlock!" That was frustration and the next words that came out of his mouth were simply ridiculous. "No one's marrying you unless it's me!"

Roses and candlelight optional.

[onteamdyson]

Hahahahaha. Sherlock got in trooooouble. Kenzi smirked from behind her mouth-vine and waited. She was losing feeling in her everywhere thanks to the poor circulation and really, REALLY wanted down.

She also wanted to beat the snot out of Sherlock for being such a JERK! If he actually typed anything and put it on the network, she was chopping something off. Preferably a limb John wouldn't miss too much.

Also, that leg was really starting to itch.

[couldbdangerous]

"Well obviously," Sherlock said, frowning at John. It was a joke. Really, the man must have more sense than that. "I haven't gotten to the part where I reply with my enthusiastic and very public rejection. I've this lovely list of reasons we'd never work out, many of them having to do with the fact that she's a git who managed to get herself tied to a tree for no good reason and most of the rest having to do with all the ways in which you're far superior and so sorry, but no, and never, and good riddance."

He gave a bow and a flourish before straightening up, slipping Kenzi's communicator into his pocket for safekeeping, and pulling his crowbar out from under his arm. He stretched up again, balancing himself carefully, and slipped the cold metal back under the vine covering Kenzi's mouth. Not keen on removing it, no, but he figured John would prefer it if he didn't end up hanging her in the middle of his strategic vine removal. He looked over at the man in question while he carefully loosened the plant's grip. No easy task. The tensile strength of those stems was really quite impressive.

"I know, you know. No reason to get upset over me having a bit of a laugh, and yes, if that's you asking." He gave a brisk tug of the crowbar. The vine gave but didn't snap. He sighed irritably. "Right, that's going to take bloody ages. If you climb up and cut her down I'll catch her. Probably. If she's very nice. Down to the shoulders first, up from the feet after that, not too quickly."

He looked up at Kenzi, wearing his most serious face. "If you kick me I will not only let you fall, but I will also step on you when you're down, comprends-tu?"

[doctorsoldier]

John's mouth hung open for a moment before he shook his head and made a few choice faces which translated into something about engagement and crazy homocidal machines and Kenzi in a tree before he glanced over the trunk. It was climbable. John was a tough bloke. He had grown up climbing trees and getting dirty.

So, up he went, slow at first, but he was forty years old and people would just have to forgive that. He frowned at the way that Kenzi was trussed up and climbed a bit further.

"Shit. What did you do to yourself? Sherlock, catch her. This leg is pretty bad." And with that, John went hacking at the vine.

Bad move. The vine wasn't happy with being hacked! Or maybe it just didn't like half arsed marriage proposals.

[onteamdyson]

Thank GOD. The vine was off her mouth. Still around her entire body, but away from her mouth and now she could talk and--

This is it. This was the day Sherlock can finally say he's been screamed at in Russian by a tiny girl tied to a tree. Kenzi had to have gone on for a good three minutes, letting out string after string of curses, hateful words, and threats much too fast for the translator to catch. All in flawless Russian. Flawless, ANGRY Russian.

"Jooooooohn, he's such a giant jerkface stupidhead! I should have called Temari. She would have silently made fun of me and had me down in three seconds. Do you know how hard it is to text with your THUMB? Really hard." She was not done with that poutyface. John was always the more sympathetic one. If there was any love around here, John had all of it.

She glared down at Sherlock with her tirade over. "I won't kick you." Yet. Just wait until she's down.

And then the freaking vines were freaking out. "Oh hell, not again. I don't do tentacles, you stupid plant! knock it the shit off!"

[couldbdangerous]

This was not, actually, the first time Sherlock had been screamed at in Russian. Not remotely. Nor was it the first time he'd been screamed at by Kenzi, so really, the whole experience was rather dull. He sighed and examined his own fingernails instead, scraping a bit of dirt out from underneath one, frowning at the others... yes, there she was, still going. He yawned widely.

"Well," he said when she'd finished, sounding distinctly unimpressed and hooking his crowbar through several of the binding vines to keep them from tightening too much, "I will admit you've some lung power, if nothing else. I suppose that does come in handy when people inevitably give in to the urge to strangle you."

He gave a particularly violent tug, levering the bar between the tree and the vines. Again they gave, but he was fairly certain he could hang from the end of the crowbar and still achieve relatively little by way of anything useful. At least what John was doing seemed to be working. More or less. Sherlock set himself up to catch Kenzi, ideally legs first like they'd planned, though the vines seemed to have other ideas.

Well, as long as he didn't end up flat on his back he supposed he could consider it a successful catch.