I Used to Be So Wicked, Yeah; But Now I am So Sweet.

[wasnotthecat]

Who: Gideon and precanon!Ramona.
When: Late late tonight.
Where: Up on a nondescript but particularly high rooftop overlooking the city.
Summary: Gideon has danced around it for as long as he can; but let's face it. He's done some fucked up things. And if he wants to have a chance at all with making things work on his second chance, his usual

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[wasnotthecat]

"Yeah, it's--nice."

He regrets breaking the contact the second she speaks up again. He's already considering just playing this off. He could do it--and he could probably get away with it.

Until she talks with one of her exes.

And gets the whole story from someone that's not him.

Even Gideon can see how terribly that would pan out. He tells himself that this is the best way. He's a big guy--he can take responsibility or his actions, or so he thinks. Never mid the fact that admitting to his own faults was never something he was good at to begin with.

"I just--kind of have a lot on my mind right now. But that's why we're talking, now," he muses, turning around to face her. "So... yeah. As it turns out, I guess I wasn't all I chalked up to be for you. Like--I know we had talks about me being too busy with work for you. Or leaving you at parties. But--I guess I didn't take it seriously enough. Because somewhere down the road, you eventually end up... leaving me."

He pauses, wringing his hands together.

"Have you been, uh, considering that... at all yet? Be honest."

[dabbled]

Ramona pushes her hair out of her face, tucking a few strands behind her ear. She glances over at him while he talks, frowning considerably.

"We've had the talks," she says, her voice quiet.

Then her boots become more interesting to look at. Now that he mentions it - if she were to say she hasn't considered at least taking a break, she'd be lying.

[wasnotthecat]

Gideon nods, and when she stares at her boots it gives him the confirmation he needs. He slumps a little bit, jamming his hands into his pockets. He wants to go right over there, sit down next to her and try to offer an excuse--oh baby, it wasn't like that, it wasn't as bad as you're making it out to be--but he squashes the desire down. He has to.

Because he's seen the raw pain and hate that he instills in her in the future. Even someone who is as evasive as him can't misplace those types of emotions. He swallows and keeps going.

"--Yeah. Well, you... you leave me. But like-- I had no idea why, really. I mean--we had the talks, so I thought we were cool. I thought you were happy. But one day I come home and you've cut your hair and you're holding a letter and already disappearing into subspace without saying goodbye--"

The words are tumbling from his mouth quickly, now, and there's no shortage of hurt behind them. He's trying to keep from blaming her for how things turned out.

It's hard.

[dabbled]

She doesn't know what to do with her hands. First they go for her pockets. Then she just wraps her arms around herself, kicking at the ground beneath her feet.

It all sounds ridiculous to her. But she's run before. And if things got even worse with Gideon, she'd probably run from him too.

"Yeah..." she trails off, eyes widening as she continues to stare downward, trying to let his words sink in. Then with a shrug of her shoulders, she sighs. She's got nothing.

[wasnotthecat]

"Yeah," he repeats dully, a little bit disappointed in her lack of response. But--then again, he can't really blame her. This hadn't happened to her yet. She had no idea how to respond because she hadn't been in the situation.

"Well, needless to say. Losing the best thing that ever happened to me--I didn't take it well. I pretty much got completely sloshed--like, hopelessly drunk off my ass. As in like--amazing I didn't keel over from alcohol poisoning. And you know how being inebriated leads to, uh, impaired judgment... and the internet was right there! I mean, I swear, it seemed like such a good idea at the time."

Except, explaining it back to her all sounds kind of fucking stupid.

[dabbled]

Looking up at him, she sets her jaw. "Yeah. I know what happens when you drink. Just what the hell did you do, Gideon?" Straight to the point with that one.

[wasnotthecat]

"--I uh." Beat. "I might have maybe put up a drunken add on Craigslist? I swear to God I don't even remember doing it, everything was so fuzzy--" and he pauses again, mentally kicking himself. No lies. "--I mean, I remember doing it. I basically put out an add to... form a league of your exes and... control your future love life?"

Okay, yeah, that does sound stupid.

"I swear on my label, though--I wasn't actually expecting any of your exes to reply. Or want to go along with it."

That much was true at least.

[dabbled]

Give her a minute. The urge to deck you in the face is strong, Graves.

[wasnotthecat]

He'll give you all the time you need. He's fighting his own urge--that pesky need to make an excuse is awful strong right now. In the past, he would have tried to turn this around back on her--What the hell did you do to them that would make them want to go along with this, anyways?-- but he's trying to be above that now.

So he just kind of scuffs the ground awkwardly with the toe of one of his converses.

"--Yeah. It--bad move. I know. I just--keep in mind I was hopelessly smashed?"

[dabbled]

"Total jerk move on your part," she grumbles. "Smashed or not."

But. If what he said about her leaving him like that is true? Then, she can't possibly be upset with him. Because - that was really bitchy of her. Really bitchy. And unreasonable.

"So." Sigh. "Instead of talking, or - making things better, I just leave. And you get drunk off your ass and turn to the internet."

Pause.

"We are so pathetic."

[wasnotthecat]

Gideon flinches when she calls him a jerk, fulling expecting the ranting rage to come tumbling his way now. But when it doesn't happen, he looks up and blinks at her. And takes a step closer, gesturing sort of vaguely.

"That's... pretty much the gist of it. But that wasn't the end of it, because you eventually started dating this guy named Scott after running off to Toronto. And-- I got jealous. Incredibly so. And the League wanted to fight, so... I let them. Sent them after your new boyfriend."

[dabbled]

"I always knew you were the mature one," she replies, her words laced with sarcasm. Snorting at her own joke, she moves away from him and sits down, careful not to look him in the eye. She can't. "I'm sorry. Insensitive."

Pulling her knees in close, she rests her chin on them and frowns. "I guess I kinda deserved it. For leaving you like that."

[wasnotthecat]

This would normally be the part where Gideon starts to lay on the guilt. Starts to take advantage of her vulnerability and pin the problems on her. But he just can't do that anymore--not in good consciousness. Not after claiming that he had been trying to change. And not after seeing how badly he had hurt her.

And frankly, the thought of having to accept responsibility for something like this scares him a little. He doesn't really know how to deal with the knowledge that he screwed up.

"--No. You're right. It was stupid and childish of me. I guess I just figured--you'd be crazy not to come back to me. I thought it would only be a matter of time, so the League wouldn't even matter because we'd be together again before too many of them could fight Scott. But--you didn't. You didn't and things just kept getting worse and worse and I just kept getting more and more desperate."

[dabbled]

Ramona looks back at him. "Look at you, owing up to your mistakes like that," she teases him with a slight smile. "You really did change. Even if it took a catastrophe to happen."

[wasnotthecat]

"I wish it didn't," Gideon admits. "When Scott and I finally fought, I was pretty far gone. So obsessed with keeping him from you. I had convinced myself that he wasn't good enough you--that I was the only person who was. When everyone else in the League had been defeated and my turn came around, I fought for you, Ramona. I really fought for you. But--in the middle of the fight you started to leave again. Starting fading into subspace the same way you did when you left me. And I just--snapped."

He's stepping away from her, now, averting his eyes and trying to seem like as much of a kicked puppy as he can manage.

[dabbled]

"Jealousy happens. It just needs to be kept in check, I guess." She shrugs. "I appreciate your fighting for me, though. Even if... I didn't actually witness it happening."

Pause.

She knows she shouldn't say this, but.

"I guess that Scott guy totally fought for me, too. It's admirable on all counts. For the both of you."