Synchronizing Watches

[splendid_evil]

Who: Open to anyone who wants to poke him.
When: Friday afternoon
Where: The cafeteria
Summary: Miharu's gone to get some food. He's not exactly the most sociable thing in the world, and he's just lingering about spacing out.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Possible angst/ disturbing concepts. Idk.

Comments

[another_miharu]

This facility was small, and rather crowded. He recognized Miharu's ki by now. He could have easily picked the boy out, no matter how bad his eyesight had gotten, how far his senses had fallen. It was easy. It was familiar. It made Miharu rather easy to avoid this week.

Not that it was something that he particularly wanted to do, or even preferred, but more out of necessity. He didn't know what on Earth to say to the boy. He felt embarrassed, he felt scared of what Miharu might say. He felt a little sick, when he thought of how he had let himself do something like that, so easily. It made him burn and twinge in new ways, not comfortably.

But he had his doll. He'd found his doll. Sebastian had taken it, and he'd... He'd been making Yoite nervous. Yoite didn't trust anyone, as a rule, and Sebastian pushed even what little trust Yoite had available. He didn't know what he was capable of. He'd NEEDED to get that doll, for Miharu. He had to fix... something.

So when he'd finally allowed himself to enter the cafeteria, it had been quick, before he could talk himself out of it. Like a ghost, like old times, it was like he had just appeared. He stood across the table from Miharu, holding out the doll at arm's length, without a word.

[splendid_evil]

He wasn't expecting to see Yoite. Yoite was worried about what had happened, and Miharu was too to a lesser extent. It was just a couple of kisses. That's what he kept telling himself. When he saw the doll held out to him though... His mask almost broke, lips parted slightly in a mockery of surprise. He hadn't even thought about his doll. though fear had seized him more than once at the strange- sometimes threatening sensations he'd experienced. He'd said nothing.

"My doll." Where was Yoite's? He would be safe though, right? He hoped. Miharu reached out to take the strange looking thing, and licked his lips.

"Where'd you find it?"

[another_miharu]

Yoite didn't care about his own doll. They couldn't control movements. They didn't reveal anything about him that would be potentially important. So far as he could tell, they only made you feel whatever was happening to the doll. The worst he could come to expect was pain, and it wasn't something that particularly scared him. But Miharu's-- He'd had enough. His doll was important to find.

There was a moment where his heart seized, where he was entirely sure that Miharu wasn't going to take the doll, possibly just because Yoite had touched it. But he did, take it. Yoite breathed out a slow sigh of relief.

"A man had it. His name is Sebastian. It wasn't his doll, so I took it."

[splendid_evil]

"You've been gone a lot." He knew Sebastian. Sebastian was scary. He wouldn't admit to that. He had to continue with his mask of self destructive indifference.

Miharu's lips twitched- the equivalent of a frown, and he looked at the doll in his hands. He wondered if Sebastian had fought- if Yoite had been hurt. He hated it when Yoite hurt himself while fighting for Miharu's sake. He wanted them to be a team.

"Ah... Thank you for getting it, Yoite."

[another_miharu]

"I know I have. Please don't... thank me."

His hands twitched a bit agitatedly at his sides, and it was very difficult to find much reason to not bolt, right then. He felt so much like he was overstepping his boundaries with Miharu, just by standing right across from him here, at this table.

He hesitated a few seconds, hands carefully balling into fists. His gaze was kept very low, notably averted from Miharu's. "You-- want me to be gone more. Again," he guessed, carefully, without budging. Generally, when you'd done something wrong-- you stayed out of sight. It kept you off the mind of the other person, and it made them less angry.

[splendid_evil]

"No. I don't." Miharu's response didn't carry the sharp tone that he felt it should. He shrugged and sat the doll on the table in front of him before looking back at Yoite. He always thought like that. What was new? His gaze was blank.

"Why do you think that?" He honestly wondered what the older boy would say. Would he even dare to bring what had happened up? Miharu remembered how it felt. Kissing had been nice. Maybe it was only because it was Yoite, but he didn't care. The young shinobi pushed against himself in his mind, trying to open up and trying to let himself feel what he knew he felt. It wasn't easy, and the process was slow.

[another_miharu]

'I don't'? But. Yoite's eyebrows furrowed, confusedly, but he didn't look up from where his gaze was fixed onto the edge of the table, careful not to look at Miharu. He didn't want him to leave. But why? For some strange reason, Yoite thought to the kanji Miharu had carved into his arm, the characters that had left bright white scars on his skin.

One of Yoite's hands finally moved up to wipe at his mouth, hurriedly, at the memory of what had happened last week. He kept doing that, like a nervous tic. His throat felt thick, and his fingers were getting a bit of shake to them. He didn't answer for a few long seconds, fingers pulling distractedly at his bottom lip.

"Dirty, Miharu, I'm-- so--"

daghsladghaslfj I just noticed this as 'read' in my inbox. orz

[splendid_evil]

"You've been using it. How are you feeling?" Yoite knew what that code by now. How long? Is time almost up?

Miharu didn't want him to feel dirty. He had never been that in the younger ninja's eyes. It was hard. He didn't know how to change his mind. Instead, he just looked at the Kira-user, his expression betraying nothing.

"What's dirty, Yoite?"

IT'S COOL I just thought you didn't love me :'|

[another_miharu]

"I have. But I'm fine," Yoite said, nearly instantly after Miharu had spoken. His hands carefully opened and closed, his eyes stayed averted towards the floor and away from Miharu. He did feel tired. He felt ill. He wasn't sure it was just because of a cold or something. Maybe he was just sick to his stomach.

What's dirty. What's dirty? He honestly didn't know? Yoite's hands balled into the sides of his jacket, hanging on tighter. "What I did, was so-- I-I shouldn't have ever--"

I love you! I dooo. ;-;

[splendid_evil]

"The kiss. You're worried because we kissed." Miharu shook his head, almost amused.

"I liked it." He said. "I wouldn't have let you if I didn't."

It was true. He loved it, had wanted more to some extent. Something about feeling so close to someone... Especially to Yoite.

... ;; I can't stay mad atchoo ;D

[another_miharu]

He nodded quickly, in a frigid kind of nod, his lips snagging into his bottom lip. 'Liked'? 'Liked'. His hands were tightening again, but he wasn't moving otherwise. He was lying. No, he was-- confused. He was thinking of how they had felt that week. It had been very different.

"Don't say things like that, I--" He felt a bit too small for his skin, like he wanted to sink into the floorboards for a good long while, somewhere where his stomach wasn't churning quite so much. "'Affection' a-and. And 'friendship', 'l-l--'" He didn't finish the last word, letting out a hard breath. "Kisses are things like that. Nice things."

:3

[splendid_evil]

"They are nice things. That's why I like them. And I don't like anybody but you, Yoite." He said. Miharu felt... Old. Tired.

He looked down at his hands and shook his head. If Yoite didn't want that... Miharu didn't need it. Wasn't familiar with the whole thing. He hadn't been himself. But he'd be willing to try it again. Maybe.

"I really did like it. Kissing you."

[another_miharu]

Was he lying? It wasn't a lying voice. He just sounded like Miharu. But he had to be lying. There was just no-- He couldn't even fathom--

Yoite felt terrified, his heart hammering in his chest, his hand suddenly rubbing fervently against it to try to calm himself. "Things were so-- so different, then. They felt--"

Whatever they felt like, he didn't elaborate on, just let out a long breath and shut his eyes. "What a... bothersome thing. Why would you like something like that t-touching, that. Closeness? With something like me, i-it's useless, it's ugly, Miharu--" His finger twisted into his sweater, carefully. "You can't like something like that, you can't."

[splendid_evil]

This time, Miharu felt like the one who had done something wrong. He had trouble hiding it on his features, had trouble swallowing down the hammering of his heart.

"I'm sorry." It was all he could think to say, even though he wanted to say more- wanted to make Yoite stop hating himself so much.

[another_miharu]

Oh, now he felt even more terrible. Miharu's voice changed, and it hurt a little.

What he really wanted to do was reach out again, touch his shoulder and be just like he had the week before, when he was reassuring and helpful. He immediately squelched the idea, and settled for-- daring to move a little closer, to crouch just beside the table, not even in a chair. He felt all confused; what a strange mood. His head tilted against the edge of the table.

"You shouldn't apologize, Miharu. Not to me."

[splendid_evil]

"You're the only person I apologize to, Yoite." He meant that. Reached out and touched the top of Yoite's head through his hat.

"Don't hurt yourself, okay? Not even by thinking too hard." Especially if he was getting sick again. He couldn't have the Kira-user overexerting himself. Miharu couldn't handle him dying again. Not again. Not on his watch.