All through the night I'll be watching over you
Who: Tasuki reikaku_bandit & Kankuro dance_mypuppets
When: Saturday morning-ish
Where: A convenient corner of the clinic?
Summary: Kankuro is an idiot, Tasuki is worried and refuses to admit exactly why.
Rating: PG-13 (even more swearing than usual, wut?)
Warnings: Tasuki's mouth when he gets upset? High levels of cute?
[If there'd been anyone brave enough to joke with the bandit in his current temper they might've accused him of trying to wear a hole in the floor. As it was most people stayed clear, even Reishun had only briefly risked his wrath before moving on to find someone more sympathetic to her boredom. Tasuki scowled at the wall across from him with its peeling painted jungle motif, pausing for probably the hundredth time to lean back against one wall, not more than two feet from the bed Kankuro was currently laid out in. He only let his flick briefly to his friend's bandaged form, scowl deepening, before he lifted his gaze again, looking out at the main room beyond the little side alcove Kankuro's bed had been tucked away in.
Tasuki couldn't be sure but he imagined the semi-private space was in part due to Kankuro's status among the ninja that were mostly in charge here. He was the Kazekage's brother after all, though the larger part was probably due to the dim filtered light in the little corner. The harsh sunlight from the main windows would likely have been extremely painful for him with the current state of his face. One eye remained unmarred but who was to say the poison would have missed entirely? They'd merely have to wait until the puppeteer awoke to be certain.
The pause in the bandit's pacing was as short lived as the many before that. He pushed away from the wall, grumbling under his breath and resuming his stalking of the foot of Kankuro's bed. As the time wore on it became harder and harder for Tasuki to hold onto his anger. He channeled everything into anger. He always had. Anger was simple. Anger was something he knew how to handle. It was hot and fierce and comforting in it's own way. Something steady and familiar that kept him afloat when he would surely drown if left to deal with the conflicting emotions he refused to acknowledge even now.
He was scared... it did not happen often, it was not something he knew how to deal with. Fear was as foreign to him as the very ocean Kankuro had saved him from only with this there was no one to give him a hand up, no one to throw him a lifeline. He could be furious with himself for being afraid, angry for being unable to admit that he was scared, angry with Kankuro for weaseling his way close enough that he had the power to make Tasuki feel the one thing he prided himself on being above, and furious at the ninja for abusing that power with stupid heroics like this.]
Damned idiot
[He scowls back at the bed again, continuing his pacing, only pausing long enough to aim a vicious kick to the wall. Judging from the number of scuff marks on said wall it is hardly the first such outburst.]
[Kankuro hovered at the edge of consciousness - had occasionally drifted close enough to waking to be dully aware of a presence in the room, to even register a familiar voice speaking, muttering, grumbling. But he continued to lie still, blood loss and weakness weighing down his body until it seemed he was a creature of lead, incapable of movement. So he drifted, partially aware, hovering on the verge between unconsciousness, sleep, and wakefulness.
Awareness tugged at him, though, more and more strongly with the passing of time, until it seemed that his leaden body had regained a little softness, a little motion. The pacing footsteps in the room became clear, as did the quiet voice occasionally muttering -- and every now and then, a dull thud that seemed to defy possible explanations from his hazed mind. Curiosity nagged at him. This is a good time to wake up, isn't it? To find out what that noise is? But he hesitated, unsure. He felt so comfortable like this, warm and heavy, drifting on an airy cloud of nothingness.
Another thud, another mutter, and he pushed through the final tendrils of fog, one eye opening just a little, just enough to become aware of a light that was comfortably dim. Where was he again?]
[Tasuki went right on pacing making a few more passes before taking up that spot, leaning against the wall again.]
...the fuck ya hafta go an do tha fer? Goddamn stubborn idio-
[Once again Tasuki only let his gaze move to Kankuro's face for a fleeting moment, more fear preventing him from letting his eyes linger. Fear that this time the faint signs of life in the ninja might be gone, fear that he'd ruin his hard won bandit facade and do something ridiculous like start crying. Reishun was one thing but... to get all worked up over his friends like that? He didn't want the ninja to see that kind of weakness, especially not when he'd be in need of strength and support right now.
But this time he found his gaze returning to the bandaged face, eyes drawn to the dark sliver of Kankuro's good eye. He pushed away from the wall, ranting cut short as he took a hesitant step forward.]
Eh? K-Kankuro? Ya awake, buddy? [He almost winced at the hushed, tone of his voice. All the emotions he'd spent the morning pretending didn't exist obvious in his words. Fear, guilt, worry, and a dozen other things he had no name for but now they were accompanied with a faint thread of hope as well.]
[A blur of fiery gold-orange came into his field of view, and Kankuro blinked slowly, trying to bring his sight into better focus.]
Tas'ki...?
[His voice was a hoarse mumble, his throat parched despite the humidity. But he managed to get out the name, and his eye opened a little wider this time, looking up at Tasuki and at least mostly focusing.]
Where...?
[He realized he could only see out of one eye -- there was something on his face on the other side, his left eye was covered up, what was this? Carefully, he tried to raise a hand to touch his face. His arm felt so heavy, as though it were filled with weights that wanted to drag it back down to the mattress, but he needed to know.]
My eye...?
[A faint, short lived, smile tugs at his lips when the ninja speaks, for reasons he dare not examine it lightens his mood greatly to have his name be the first thing on Kankuro's lips. He crosses the short span to the bed quickly, carefully reaching for that inquisitive hand before it makes it to the bandages. His touch is light but insistent, bringing Kankuro's hand down and away. He lets that hand settle on the ninja's stomach, far enough down that it is away from the wounds on his chest but close enough that Tasuki can keep his own hand over Kankuro's.]
Hey.... yer back in the clinic ya big idiot.
[He keeps his tone almost as gentle as his touch, though that familiar rough growl is still present in the name calling. Slowly the bandit crouches beside the bed, a weak smile on his face in an attempt to reassure his friend.]
Ya made a mess a yerself, man... the fuck were ya thinkin?
[He wants to be angry. He wants so much to be angry but the relief that Kankuro actually woke up chases away the last vestiges of his anger. The hand that rests over Kankuro's squeezes lightly, trying to offer comfort, reassurance.]
[Kankuro's hand twitches under that touch, possibly a little annoyed at being thwarted, but he's still too tired and out of it to feel the emotion with any particular strength. His eye closes again as he thinks, and then he gives a slow nod.]
Right. The lizards... Gaara.
[He opens that eye again and looks up at Tasuki. There are a lot of questions he needs to ask, but he's having trouble sorting through them all.]
How bad is it?
[His hand turns over under Tasuki's, so that they rest palm to palm. The contact feels nice, and in Kankuro's state, he really can't think much beyond that. He's not interested in meanings all that much right now, just in experiences. His eye is bandaged, and he can feel bandages on his chest, but he remembers little of the actual attack.]
[Tasuki shakes his head, lowering his eyes. When he looks up again that tentative smile is gone, replaced with a sad, sympathetic expression. It's not pity, he doesn't believe in pity, but merely that empathy that makes him who he is. He watches Kankuro for a long moment, unsure just what to say. It is not a conscious act, he's too busy searching for the right words to even notice, but his fingers curl around Kankuro's hand, pressing their hands more tightly together.]
Nowhere near as bad as it coulda been? [Another weak fleeting smile but he doesn't even pretend to make that one seem genuine. He sighs, lowering his head again, unable to look at his friend while he speaks.]
Yer chest is pretty fucked up. Tha's gonna be one helluva battle scar, man.... and... they got the poison out pretty quick so... yer eye's gonna heal but 's gonna take time...
[He lets out a soft snort, something that is halfway between amusement and a scoff.]
Yer not gonna be able ta wear yer paint fer awhile though.
[Fucked up chest, Kankuro can handle that. He gives a little rough laugh at that.]
Already got a scar there... bigger one, not a big deal.
[But then Tas gets to the paint, and whoa, that's a big damn deal in Kankuro's world. His hand tightens reflexively, clenching with as much strength as he has around Tasuki's. Which is honestly not much, but still. He's squeezing.]
No paint? But... I need it... Gotta have something...
[His free hand flies up to the unbandaged side of his face, rubbing over bare skin, and he hisses quietly. At least he's with Tasuki, someone he trusts... and someone who knows at least part of the story, actually. The part of why he wears the paint, though not the whole of why he is so vehement about not resembling his father.]
[Tasuki's eyes immediately move back to Kankuro's face, that scowl of his settling in quickly. He drops out of his crouch, shifting his weight onto his knees so he doesn't have to worry about balancing himself as he reaches up, snatching Kankuro's other hand away, just in case. That comfortable anger flaring up as he jerks the ninja's hand down to the bed, a quiet snarl escaping him.]
Paint? [Yes, that is a somewhat derogatory tone there but behind the anger there's obvious hurt.] Ya almost fuckin' died an yer worried 'bout yer goddamn paint? D'ya even know how fuckin'- [He cuts off the words with a growl before he says something stupid, something he's trying valiantly not to admit to himself let alone to Kankuro but if nothing else would loosen his tongue anger and spite most certainly would.]
[In his drugged, slowed state, Kankuro's got no real way of defending against the grab; he just blinks up at Tasuki, looking vaguely surprised. Anger... and something else? It takes a few seconds for him to process the hurt that's there as well.]
I...
[He searches for a reasonable response. Almost died? He hadn't really thought about it in that context... he'd just done what he had to do to keep Gaara from being hurt. He's not used to coming this close to death, really -- only once before, and then it had been so overshadowed by what happened to Gaara, and he was back up and running long before Gaara was, and... just everything. If he'd expected anything, he'd expected treatment closer to that.]
It's my face. Need something on it.
[And inwardly, he's just... a little shocked. But his hand is still holding Tasuki's as tightly as he can.]
[But hurt and fear are two things that are so very easy to feed into anger and anger is manageable so that is exactly what he does. He glares at Kankuro, eyes narrowed fiercely and he releases the hand he'd been holding down. Let the idiot rub at his face then, fine just fine. That hurt that had been so obvious a moment ago all but vanishes beneath the wave of anger but those golden eyes might be a little brighter than usual, especially in the dim light, bright... and wet.]
Yer face...IF YA WERE THA WORRIED 'BOUT YER DAMN FACE MAYBE YA SHOULDN' OF PUT IT IN FRON OF A GODDAMN LIZARD YOU IDIOT
[The bandit snarls, fist clenching as he glares at Kankuro, furious at him without any real reason. He just knows that he's spent the last few days frustrated and worried sick only to have the ninja ignore all of his warnings. Now he finally gets to see him again, after hours of worrying and having the shit scared out of him and the only thing Kankuro seemed concerned with was his fucking paint.]
Fucking HELL, Kankuro ya just about had yer goddamn face gnawed off and all yer worried 'bout is THAT!? Yer PAINT is yer great big concern? D'ya have any idea how fuckin worried I been!? Spent the last twenty-fuckin-four hours wonderin whether or not ya were gonna be fuckin' dead the next time I fuckin' look up and now yer worried about some goddamn fuckin' MAKEUP!?!
[By the time his rant starts to wind down, not because he's not still angry but because he has no words to convey just how much that hurts, he finally seems to realize that he's holding Kankuro's hand. He pushes himself to his feet, yanking his hand back and snarling at the ninja again. Tears cling to damp lashes and he stands there next to the bed, fists clenched, eyes squeezed shut, head turned away, fighting down the urge to fuckin put something on the ninja's face for him... something like his fist. He manages to control himself, barely, spinning on his heel and slamming his fist into the wall hard enough for the drywall to give beneath the force. He stands there for a moment, trying to calm his breathing, shoulders shaking a little with shuddering breaths that he will swear to every deity in existence are due to anger and nothing to do with any of the far more dangerous emotions under that safe blanket of fury.]
YA FUCKIN' IDIOT!
[Kankuro's entirely unprepared for the sudden deluge of anger; he lays flat in bed, unbandaged eye wide in shock as Tasuki shouts at him. He's accustomed to Temari's anger, yes, but that's nothing compared to this display of temper, and he's not fully awake enough to process the enormous amount of subtext hovering between those shouted lines. But some things do get through. Tasuki's crying. He saw that. Tears on that face... that bothers him.]
Tasuki...
[Bare-faced, bandaged, weak, lying there in bed with barely even the strength to lift a hand, he looks very different from the theatrical, confident, painted puppeteer. The shock and concern on his face are open and obvious, and he reaches a hand out toward Tasuki hesitantly, although it falls after a moment.]
[Tasuki stares hard at the wall for a moment, turning to glance over his shoulder when he hears his name from the ninja. He sees that hand and the expression and he winces, turning away again. Dammit he was supposed to be being supportive, comforting his friend in his time of need and all that shit. What the fuck was wrong with him? He lets out a shaky sigh, forcing himself to relax a little. It takes a concerted effort but he finally calms down enough to turn around, though he keeps his head down to hide any sign of the tears that still linger on his face and eyelashes.
He stops next to the bed, risking a glance at Kankuro's face before turning to perch on the edge of the bed, not really sitting so much as leaning against the edge, his hands fisting on the edge of the mattress. He hisses a quiet breath, releasing his grip with the hand he'd just hit the wall with and resting it lightly on top of the mattress, perhaps a bit closer to Kankuro's own hand than is strictly necessary. He won't take the ninja's hand again but his own is there, close and easily accesible almost like an invitation.]
Sorry, man....... why the hell couldn' ya listen? [He's back to that quiet tone from before though there is a weary edge to it, defeat evident in his voice.]
I listened. [Kankuro's voice is still quiet and hoarse, but there's a subtle shift in it -- Tasuki's outburst made an impression on him.] I just... hell. I couldn't. It was gonna attack Gaara. And... I couldn't fail him again.
[As he's getting more and more awake -- and he is about as damn awake as he's gonna get, after that -- he's remembering more of what happened.] Tasuki...
[He pauses. Expressing his emotions openly is hard for him sometimes, and right now, with his bare face, he feels very exposed already. But Tasuki's anger, Tasuki's obvious pain, got through to him.] I'm sorry. I am sorry. I... wasn't trying to get myself killed.
[And his hand slips quietly to Tasuki's, fingers just brushing against the back of his hand at first, a little contact to try and reinforce how genuine his words are, and then gently settling over Tasuki's.] I didn't... want to make you worried.
[Tasuki scowls down at the floor, gritting his teeth to force down another outburst. Listened? Bullshit. The ninja hadn't listened to him or Gaara, he'd been too wrapped up in his own guilt to give their words any consideration.]
Fail 'im- [He rolls his eyes, turning to look towards the foot of the bed at that. A quiet scoff escaping before he can stop it but he's trying to stifle that anger a little bit, biting down on the words. At first he's not even sure he should believe Kankuro's words, ready to accuse him of false apologies just to get the bandit to calm the fuck down. But that light touch quiets his anger a little and this time it is Tasuki who turn his hand under Kankuro's, shifting so he can thread his fingers through the ninja's. He takes a long moment to try to calm himself but he's not good at fighting the anger so even when he finally turns to actually look at Kankuro his expression is still tense, not angry exactly but not too far from it.]
Fine... but yer still a goddamn idiot.
[Kankuro stares down quietly at their hands, at Tasuki's fingers interlaced with his. He likes it, and at the moment, he's not interested in analyzing that liking too deeply. It's good, and that's all he needs to know.]
Sure. 'M an idiot. Still had to... [He sighs softly.] I failed him too many times already.
[The whole story is far too long to tell Tasuki right now, but it just needs to be said -- that Kankuro was acting for reason, not just out of impulse. His fingers tighten a little on Tasuki's, a small squeeze to communicate... something he can't even begin to put into words at this point. An apology, an explanation, quiet gratitude for just being there. He lingers still for a moment, then shifts and tries to push himself into a sitting position. The movement tugs uncomfortably at his chest and he grimaces.]
Urrgh! [He throws up his free hand, head falling back with a growl of frustration but he does not release Kankuro's hand. The contact, gentle and quiet compared to everything he's feeling, anchors him somehow, helps him keep that anger that he can usually trust so fully from making him say something that might well and truly damage their friendship.] damn fuckin' stubborn...
[The meaning behind that little squeeze is not lost on Tasuki. He may have no subtlety of his own but, when it's a matter of emotions, he picks up on a lot more than one would expect. His hand tightens around Kankuro's though when the ninja tries to sit up, eyes going wide for a moment before he scowls again.]
Stop bein' fuckin' stupid, dammit! Lay still 'efore ya hurt yerself! [Loathe as he is to relinquish that contact he tugs his hand away from Kankuro's quickly standing to slide a supportive arm behind the ninja's shoulders.] The hell're ya tryin' ta do?
Sit up. Duh. [Really, wasn't that obvious?] Makes my neck hurt... looking up at you. [That arm behind his shoulders helps a lot; he can lean into that as he tries to scoot himself up, keeping the full strain off his chest muscles.] 'Sides. Feel too weak lying down like that.
[It's more than a stubbornness issue; it's also a ninja thing. Being in a weak position bothers him, and sitting up would make him feel a little steadier, more in-control. He can still feel where Tasuki's hand was twined with his, though, even though the bandit let go. It's like his nerves are still tingling softly from it, aware. He flexes his hand slightly, as though simply testing his current level of dexterity.]
[Tasuki still thinks it's stubborn but he understands it. He sighs a little, shaking his head even as he brings his free hand up to his chest, unbuckling the strap for his tessen's sheath. It's a little tricky to do one handed but he manages, dropping the weapon onto the bed next to Kankuro as he shifts again. He moves carefully, lifting the ninja up a bit more so he can slide in behind him, one leg folded under him, back pressed against the wall.]
Dunno if ya noticed but we ain' 'zactly got a lotta pillows ta work with, man.
[So it won't solve the issue of getting a crick in his neck, in fact this way he won't be able to look at the bandit at all, but, by Tasuki's reasoning, he should be resting his eyes anyway. He removes the support from Kankuro's shoulders, slowly letting the ninja lean back against him.]
Izzat better?
[Well, he can't look at Tasuki now, but leaning up against him... that feels good. Kankuro can close his eye, and just settle, feeling safe. Perhaps oddly so, considering he's still very injured, almost too weak to move, thirsty, hungry, and drugged... but the deep instinct tells him he's all right just as he is right now. He's safe, he can relax and rest as much as he needs. Tasuki is there, and the tessen lying mutely on the edge of the bed gives the instinctively wary ninja the certainty that if something does happen -- because things happen -- he won't be reliant on his own weakened self for defense.]
Yeah. It's good. Thanks... [He tries to twist enough to look up at Tasuki, his one eye opening again.] How long've you been here...? [He thinks Tasuki said something about it during his rant, but he didn't quite catch it. Not tracking 100% yet.]
[As Kankuro settles in against him Tasuki pulls the leg he's not sitting on up to nudge the tessen a little closer, reaching out just to ensure he can grab it quickly without jostling the ninja. Once he's content with its position he relaxes against the wall, head falling back with a quiet sigh. It's not the most comfortable position ever but just being able to relax after so much time being so high strung is a welcome relief. With Kankuro leaning against him, a steady warm presence, his own worries are quieted. His friend is alive and awake and safe. He tilts his head, glancing down at his tessen for reassurance. Yes, safe and he's going to make sure it stays that way, dammit. When he feels that subtle shift as Kankuro tries to look up at him he scowls, lifting his head away from the wall to look down at the ninja.]
Thought ya said yer neck hurt lookin' up at me, hmm?
[He lifts his hand to the unbandaged side of the ninja's face, turning his head back to what should be a comfortable position. His hand starts to drop back to his side when it occurs to him that the stubborn idiot will probably not be so easily deterred. He snorts softly, lifting his hand to rest on top of Kankuro's head, arm leaning lightly on his shoulder. It takes him a moment to respond to the question, almost dangerously comfortable. With his paranoia eased the last 24 hours are catching up with him fast, and the high running emotions since Kankuro woke are only making the toll heavier.]
Gaara dropped ya off here yesterday mornin'.... I ain' left ya 'lone
Mm. [Tasuki's not the only one getting drowsy; Kankuro's not going to be awake much longer, his thin energy nearly expended by this brief period of wakefulness. He lets his head rest on Tasuki's shoulder, the unbandaged side of his face pressing against the fabric of his clothes. It's a sign of trust, that -- his covered eye out toward the room, trusting Tasuki to see anything that needs to be seen. He's safe.]
You should rest... 's a long time to be awake. [And his voice is dropping down into a mumble. But he suddenly worries that Tasuki will misinterpret.] Rest here, I mean. Don't leave...
[If he weren't so tired and out of it, he'd never have said such a thing so openly. As it is, the last two words slip out, seemingly without his consent. But he doesn't take them back.]
'm fine...[The bandit starts a little, blinking hard and trying to shake off the exhaustion dragging at him. He lifts his head, scowling out at the room but slowly, despite his best intentions he collapses back against that wall again. When Kankuro turns his face in against Tasuki's shoulder the bandit's hand drags through his hair. A faint smile tugs at Tasuki's lips for a moment and he moves his fingers lazily through the ninja's short hair, enjoying the sensation and certainly in no frame of mind to realize that he is, in fact, petting his friend.]
Ain' goin' nowhere... gotta keep ya from... bein' stupid... [The hand that had been resting beside him on the bed shifts, coming up around the ninja, fingers twisting in the blanket as he clings protectively to Kankuro.] fuckin' idiot
[Congratulations, Tasuki, you just discovered Kankuro's great weakness. Those fingers combing through his hair all but flip a switch labeled 'relax' in the back of his brain; he leans into the motion, eye closed as he just soaks up the attention.]
Won't go anywhere... stay here, 's comfy... [His voice drifts into a mumble as sleep overtakes him again, his drowsy brain not even questioning the implications of falling asleep on Tasuki like this. He's comfortable, Tasuki is warm and petting him, he feels safe, he knows he did his job... everything is just completely right in Kankuro's world.]
[Now if only he were awake enough to realize he's discovered this weakness. Those fingers slow in their motion though, the bandit starting to drift off as well. He blinks a few times, reminding himself that he's supposed to be watching over Kankuro, keeping him safe. Sleeping is definitely not conducive to guard duty but he just can't seem to force his eyes open for more than a second.]
mmmhmmm.........'s comfy..... [The words are barely even a mumble and the red head is asleep before they leave his lips, hand still resting in Kankuro's hair, that faint smile still on his face.]
When: Saturday morning-ish
Where: A convenient corner of the clinic?
Summary: Kankuro is an idiot, Tasuki is worried and refuses to admit exactly why.
Rating: PG-13 (even more swearing than usual, wut?)
Warnings: Tasuki's mouth when he gets upset? High levels of cute?
[If there'd been anyone brave enough to joke with the bandit in his current temper they might've accused him of trying to wear a hole in the floor. As it was most people stayed clear, even Reishun had only briefly risked his wrath before moving on to find someone more sympathetic to her boredom. Tasuki scowled at the wall across from him with its peeling painted jungle motif, pausing for probably the hundredth time to lean back against one wall, not more than two feet from the bed Kankuro was currently laid out in. He only let his flick briefly to his friend's bandaged form, scowl deepening, before he lifted his gaze again, looking out at the main room beyond the little side alcove Kankuro's bed had been tucked away in.
Tasuki couldn't be sure but he imagined the semi-private space was in part due to Kankuro's status among the ninja that were mostly in charge here. He was the Kazekage's brother after all, though the larger part was probably due to the dim filtered light in the little corner. The harsh sunlight from the main windows would likely have been extremely painful for him with the current state of his face. One eye remained unmarred but who was to say the poison would have missed entirely? They'd merely have to wait until the puppeteer awoke to be certain.
The pause in the bandit's pacing was as short lived as the many before that. He pushed away from the wall, grumbling under his breath and resuming his stalking of the foot of Kankuro's bed. As the time wore on it became harder and harder for Tasuki to hold onto his anger. He channeled everything into anger. He always had. Anger was simple. Anger was something he knew how to handle. It was hot and fierce and comforting in it's own way. Something steady and familiar that kept him afloat when he would surely drown if left to deal with the conflicting emotions he refused to acknowledge even now.
He was scared... it did not happen often, it was not something he knew how to deal with. Fear was as foreign to him as the very ocean Kankuro had saved him from only with this there was no one to give him a hand up, no one to throw him a lifeline. He could be furious with himself for being afraid, angry for being unable to admit that he was scared, angry with Kankuro for weaseling his way close enough that he had the power to make Tasuki feel the one thing he prided himself on being above, and furious at the ninja for abusing that power with stupid heroics like this.]
Damned idiot
[He scowls back at the bed again, continuing his pacing, only pausing long enough to aim a vicious kick to the wall. Judging from the number of scuff marks on said wall it is hardly the first such outburst.]
[Kankuro hovered at the edge of consciousness - had occasionally drifted close enough to waking to be dully aware of a presence in the room, to even register a familiar voice speaking, muttering, grumbling. But he continued to lie still, blood loss and weakness weighing down his body until it seemed he was a creature of lead, incapable of movement. So he drifted, partially aware, hovering on the verge between unconsciousness, sleep, and wakefulness.
Awareness tugged at him, though, more and more strongly with the passing of time, until it seemed that his leaden body had regained a little softness, a little motion. The pacing footsteps in the room became clear, as did the quiet voice occasionally muttering -- and every now and then, a dull thud that seemed to defy possible explanations from his hazed mind. Curiosity nagged at him. This is a good time to wake up, isn't it? To find out what that noise is? But he hesitated, unsure. He felt so comfortable like this, warm and heavy, drifting on an airy cloud of nothingness.
Another thud, another mutter, and he pushed through the final tendrils of fog, one eye opening just a little, just enough to become aware of a light that was comfortably dim. Where was he again?]
[Tasuki went right on pacing making a few more passes before taking up that spot, leaning against the wall again.]
...the fuck ya hafta go an do tha fer? Goddamn stubborn idio-
[Once again Tasuki only let his gaze move to Kankuro's face for a fleeting moment, more fear preventing him from letting his eyes linger. Fear that this time the faint signs of life in the ninja might be gone, fear that he'd ruin his hard won bandit facade and do something ridiculous like start crying. Reishun was one thing but... to get all worked up over his friends like that? He didn't want the ninja to see that kind of weakness, especially not when he'd be in need of strength and support right now.
But this time he found his gaze returning to the bandaged face, eyes drawn to the dark sliver of Kankuro's good eye. He pushed away from the wall, ranting cut short as he took a hesitant step forward.]
Eh? K-Kankuro? Ya awake, buddy? [He almost winced at the hushed, tone of his voice. All the emotions he'd spent the morning pretending didn't exist obvious in his words. Fear, guilt, worry, and a dozen other things he had no name for but now they were accompanied with a faint thread of hope as well.]
[A blur of fiery gold-orange came into his field of view, and Kankuro blinked slowly, trying to bring his sight into better focus.]
Tas'ki...?
[His voice was a hoarse mumble, his throat parched despite the humidity. But he managed to get out the name, and his eye opened a little wider this time, looking up at Tasuki and at least mostly focusing.]
Where...?
[He realized he could only see out of one eye -- there was something on his face on the other side, his left eye was covered up, what was this? Carefully, he tried to raise a hand to touch his face. His arm felt so heavy, as though it were filled with weights that wanted to drag it back down to the mattress, but he needed to know.]
My eye...?
[A faint, short lived, smile tugs at his lips when the ninja speaks, for reasons he dare not examine it lightens his mood greatly to have his name be the first thing on Kankuro's lips. He crosses the short span to the bed quickly, carefully reaching for that inquisitive hand before it makes it to the bandages. His touch is light but insistent, bringing Kankuro's hand down and away. He lets that hand settle on the ninja's stomach, far enough down that it is away from the wounds on his chest but close enough that Tasuki can keep his own hand over Kankuro's.]
Hey.... yer back in the clinic ya big idiot.
[He keeps his tone almost as gentle as his touch, though that familiar rough growl is still present in the name calling. Slowly the bandit crouches beside the bed, a weak smile on his face in an attempt to reassure his friend.]
Ya made a mess a yerself, man... the fuck were ya thinkin?
[He wants to be angry. He wants so much to be angry but the relief that Kankuro actually woke up chases away the last vestiges of his anger. The hand that rests over Kankuro's squeezes lightly, trying to offer comfort, reassurance.]
[Kankuro's hand twitches under that touch, possibly a little annoyed at being thwarted, but he's still too tired and out of it to feel the emotion with any particular strength. His eye closes again as he thinks, and then he gives a slow nod.]
Right. The lizards... Gaara.
[He opens that eye again and looks up at Tasuki. There are a lot of questions he needs to ask, but he's having trouble sorting through them all.]
How bad is it?
[His hand turns over under Tasuki's, so that they rest palm to palm. The contact feels nice, and in Kankuro's state, he really can't think much beyond that. He's not interested in meanings all that much right now, just in experiences. His eye is bandaged, and he can feel bandages on his chest, but he remembers little of the actual attack.]
[Tasuki shakes his head, lowering his eyes. When he looks up again that tentative smile is gone, replaced with a sad, sympathetic expression. It's not pity, he doesn't believe in pity, but merely that empathy that makes him who he is. He watches Kankuro for a long moment, unsure just what to say. It is not a conscious act, he's too busy searching for the right words to even notice, but his fingers curl around Kankuro's hand, pressing their hands more tightly together.]
Nowhere near as bad as it coulda been? [Another weak fleeting smile but he doesn't even pretend to make that one seem genuine. He sighs, lowering his head again, unable to look at his friend while he speaks.]
Yer chest is pretty fucked up. Tha's gonna be one helluva battle scar, man.... and... they got the poison out pretty quick so... yer eye's gonna heal but 's gonna take time...
[He lets out a soft snort, something that is halfway between amusement and a scoff.]
Yer not gonna be able ta wear yer paint fer awhile though.
[Fucked up chest, Kankuro can handle that. He gives a little rough laugh at that.]
Already got a scar there... bigger one, not a big deal.
[But then Tas gets to the paint, and whoa, that's a big damn deal in Kankuro's world. His hand tightens reflexively, clenching with as much strength as he has around Tasuki's. Which is honestly not much, but still. He's squeezing.]
No paint? But... I need it... Gotta have something...
[His free hand flies up to the unbandaged side of his face, rubbing over bare skin, and he hisses quietly. At least he's with Tasuki, someone he trusts... and someone who knows at least part of the story, actually. The part of why he wears the paint, though not the whole of why he is so vehement about not resembling his father.]
[Tasuki's eyes immediately move back to Kankuro's face, that scowl of his settling in quickly. He drops out of his crouch, shifting his weight onto his knees so he doesn't have to worry about balancing himself as he reaches up, snatching Kankuro's other hand away, just in case. That comfortable anger flaring up as he jerks the ninja's hand down to the bed, a quiet snarl escaping him.]
Paint? [Yes, that is a somewhat derogatory tone there but behind the anger there's obvious hurt.] Ya almost fuckin' died an yer worried 'bout yer goddamn paint? D'ya even know how fuckin'- [He cuts off the words with a growl before he says something stupid, something he's trying valiantly not to admit to himself let alone to Kankuro but if nothing else would loosen his tongue anger and spite most certainly would.]
[In his drugged, slowed state, Kankuro's got no real way of defending against the grab; he just blinks up at Tasuki, looking vaguely surprised. Anger... and something else? It takes a few seconds for him to process the hurt that's there as well.]
I...
[He searches for a reasonable response. Almost died? He hadn't really thought about it in that context... he'd just done what he had to do to keep Gaara from being hurt. He's not used to coming this close to death, really -- only once before, and then it had been so overshadowed by what happened to Gaara, and he was back up and running long before Gaara was, and... just everything. If he'd expected anything, he'd expected treatment closer to that.]
It's my face. Need something on it.
[And inwardly, he's just... a little shocked. But his hand is still holding Tasuki's as tightly as he can.]
[But hurt and fear are two things that are so very easy to feed into anger and anger is manageable so that is exactly what he does. He glares at Kankuro, eyes narrowed fiercely and he releases the hand he'd been holding down. Let the idiot rub at his face then, fine just fine. That hurt that had been so obvious a moment ago all but vanishes beneath the wave of anger but those golden eyes might be a little brighter than usual, especially in the dim light, bright... and wet.]
Yer face...IF YA WERE THA WORRIED 'BOUT YER DAMN FACE MAYBE YA SHOULDN' OF PUT IT IN FRON OF A GODDAMN LIZARD YOU IDIOT
[The bandit snarls, fist clenching as he glares at Kankuro, furious at him without any real reason. He just knows that he's spent the last few days frustrated and worried sick only to have the ninja ignore all of his warnings. Now he finally gets to see him again, after hours of worrying and having the shit scared out of him and the only thing Kankuro seemed concerned with was his fucking paint.]
Fucking HELL, Kankuro ya just about had yer goddamn face gnawed off and all yer worried 'bout is THAT!? Yer PAINT is yer great big concern? D'ya have any idea how fuckin worried I been!? Spent the last twenty-fuckin-four hours wonderin whether or not ya were gonna be fuckin' dead the next time I fuckin' look up and now yer worried about some goddamn fuckin' MAKEUP!?!
[By the time his rant starts to wind down, not because he's not still angry but because he has no words to convey just how much that hurts, he finally seems to realize that he's holding Kankuro's hand. He pushes himself to his feet, yanking his hand back and snarling at the ninja again. Tears cling to damp lashes and he stands there next to the bed, fists clenched, eyes squeezed shut, head turned away, fighting down the urge to fuckin put something on the ninja's face for him... something like his fist. He manages to control himself, barely, spinning on his heel and slamming his fist into the wall hard enough for the drywall to give beneath the force. He stands there for a moment, trying to calm his breathing, shoulders shaking a little with shuddering breaths that he will swear to every deity in existence are due to anger and nothing to do with any of the far more dangerous emotions under that safe blanket of fury.]
YA FUCKIN' IDIOT!
[Kankuro's entirely unprepared for the sudden deluge of anger; he lays flat in bed, unbandaged eye wide in shock as Tasuki shouts at him. He's accustomed to Temari's anger, yes, but that's nothing compared to this display of temper, and he's not fully awake enough to process the enormous amount of subtext hovering between those shouted lines. But some things do get through. Tasuki's crying. He saw that. Tears on that face... that bothers him.]
Tasuki...
[Bare-faced, bandaged, weak, lying there in bed with barely even the strength to lift a hand, he looks very different from the theatrical, confident, painted puppeteer. The shock and concern on his face are open and obvious, and he reaches a hand out toward Tasuki hesitantly, although it falls after a moment.]
[Tasuki stares hard at the wall for a moment, turning to glance over his shoulder when he hears his name from the ninja. He sees that hand and the expression and he winces, turning away again. Dammit he was supposed to be being supportive, comforting his friend in his time of need and all that shit. What the fuck was wrong with him? He lets out a shaky sigh, forcing himself to relax a little. It takes a concerted effort but he finally calms down enough to turn around, though he keeps his head down to hide any sign of the tears that still linger on his face and eyelashes.
He stops next to the bed, risking a glance at Kankuro's face before turning to perch on the edge of the bed, not really sitting so much as leaning against the edge, his hands fisting on the edge of the mattress. He hisses a quiet breath, releasing his grip with the hand he'd just hit the wall with and resting it lightly on top of the mattress, perhaps a bit closer to Kankuro's own hand than is strictly necessary. He won't take the ninja's hand again but his own is there, close and easily accesible almost like an invitation.]
Sorry, man....... why the hell couldn' ya listen? [He's back to that quiet tone from before though there is a weary edge to it, defeat evident in his voice.]
I listened. [Kankuro's voice is still quiet and hoarse, but there's a subtle shift in it -- Tasuki's outburst made an impression on him.] I just... hell. I couldn't. It was gonna attack Gaara. And... I couldn't fail him again.
[As he's getting more and more awake -- and he is about as damn awake as he's gonna get, after that -- he's remembering more of what happened.] Tasuki...
[He pauses. Expressing his emotions openly is hard for him sometimes, and right now, with his bare face, he feels very exposed already. But Tasuki's anger, Tasuki's obvious pain, got through to him.] I'm sorry. I am sorry. I... wasn't trying to get myself killed.
[And his hand slips quietly to Tasuki's, fingers just brushing against the back of his hand at first, a little contact to try and reinforce how genuine his words are, and then gently settling over Tasuki's.] I didn't... want to make you worried.
[Tasuki scowls down at the floor, gritting his teeth to force down another outburst. Listened? Bullshit. The ninja hadn't listened to him or Gaara, he'd been too wrapped up in his own guilt to give their words any consideration.]
Fail 'im- [He rolls his eyes, turning to look towards the foot of the bed at that. A quiet scoff escaping before he can stop it but he's trying to stifle that anger a little bit, biting down on the words. At first he's not even sure he should believe Kankuro's words, ready to accuse him of false apologies just to get the bandit to calm the fuck down. But that light touch quiets his anger a little and this time it is Tasuki who turn his hand under Kankuro's, shifting so he can thread his fingers through the ninja's. He takes a long moment to try to calm himself but he's not good at fighting the anger so even when he finally turns to actually look at Kankuro his expression is still tense, not angry exactly but not too far from it.]
Fine... but yer still a goddamn idiot.
[Kankuro stares down quietly at their hands, at Tasuki's fingers interlaced with his. He likes it, and at the moment, he's not interested in analyzing that liking too deeply. It's good, and that's all he needs to know.]
Sure. 'M an idiot. Still had to... [He sighs softly.] I failed him too many times already.
[The whole story is far too long to tell Tasuki right now, but it just needs to be said -- that Kankuro was acting for reason, not just out of impulse. His fingers tighten a little on Tasuki's, a small squeeze to communicate... something he can't even begin to put into words at this point. An apology, an explanation, quiet gratitude for just being there. He lingers still for a moment, then shifts and tries to push himself into a sitting position. The movement tugs uncomfortably at his chest and he grimaces.]
Urrgh! [He throws up his free hand, head falling back with a growl of frustration but he does not release Kankuro's hand. The contact, gentle and quiet compared to everything he's feeling, anchors him somehow, helps him keep that anger that he can usually trust so fully from making him say something that might well and truly damage their friendship.] damn fuckin' stubborn...
[The meaning behind that little squeeze is not lost on Tasuki. He may have no subtlety of his own but, when it's a matter of emotions, he picks up on a lot more than one would expect. His hand tightens around Kankuro's though when the ninja tries to sit up, eyes going wide for a moment before he scowls again.]
Stop bein' fuckin' stupid, dammit! Lay still 'efore ya hurt yerself! [Loathe as he is to relinquish that contact he tugs his hand away from Kankuro's quickly standing to slide a supportive arm behind the ninja's shoulders.] The hell're ya tryin' ta do?
Sit up. Duh. [Really, wasn't that obvious?] Makes my neck hurt... looking up at you. [That arm behind his shoulders helps a lot; he can lean into that as he tries to scoot himself up, keeping the full strain off his chest muscles.] 'Sides. Feel too weak lying down like that.
[It's more than a stubbornness issue; it's also a ninja thing. Being in a weak position bothers him, and sitting up would make him feel a little steadier, more in-control. He can still feel where Tasuki's hand was twined with his, though, even though the bandit let go. It's like his nerves are still tingling softly from it, aware. He flexes his hand slightly, as though simply testing his current level of dexterity.]
[Tasuki still thinks it's stubborn but he understands it. He sighs a little, shaking his head even as he brings his free hand up to his chest, unbuckling the strap for his tessen's sheath. It's a little tricky to do one handed but he manages, dropping the weapon onto the bed next to Kankuro as he shifts again. He moves carefully, lifting the ninja up a bit more so he can slide in behind him, one leg folded under him, back pressed against the wall.]
Dunno if ya noticed but we ain' 'zactly got a lotta pillows ta work with, man.
[So it won't solve the issue of getting a crick in his neck, in fact this way he won't be able to look at the bandit at all, but, by Tasuki's reasoning, he should be resting his eyes anyway. He removes the support from Kankuro's shoulders, slowly letting the ninja lean back against him.]
Izzat better?
[Well, he can't look at Tasuki now, but leaning up against him... that feels good. Kankuro can close his eye, and just settle, feeling safe. Perhaps oddly so, considering he's still very injured, almost too weak to move, thirsty, hungry, and drugged... but the deep instinct tells him he's all right just as he is right now. He's safe, he can relax and rest as much as he needs. Tasuki is there, and the tessen lying mutely on the edge of the bed gives the instinctively wary ninja the certainty that if something does happen -- because things happen -- he won't be reliant on his own weakened self for defense.]
Yeah. It's good. Thanks... [He tries to twist enough to look up at Tasuki, his one eye opening again.] How long've you been here...? [He thinks Tasuki said something about it during his rant, but he didn't quite catch it. Not tracking 100% yet.]
[As Kankuro settles in against him Tasuki pulls the leg he's not sitting on up to nudge the tessen a little closer, reaching out just to ensure he can grab it quickly without jostling the ninja. Once he's content with its position he relaxes against the wall, head falling back with a quiet sigh. It's not the most comfortable position ever but just being able to relax after so much time being so high strung is a welcome relief. With Kankuro leaning against him, a steady warm presence, his own worries are quieted. His friend is alive and awake and safe. He tilts his head, glancing down at his tessen for reassurance. Yes, safe and he's going to make sure it stays that way, dammit. When he feels that subtle shift as Kankuro tries to look up at him he scowls, lifting his head away from the wall to look down at the ninja.]
Thought ya said yer neck hurt lookin' up at me, hmm?
[He lifts his hand to the unbandaged side of the ninja's face, turning his head back to what should be a comfortable position. His hand starts to drop back to his side when it occurs to him that the stubborn idiot will probably not be so easily deterred. He snorts softly, lifting his hand to rest on top of Kankuro's head, arm leaning lightly on his shoulder. It takes him a moment to respond to the question, almost dangerously comfortable. With his paranoia eased the last 24 hours are catching up with him fast, and the high running emotions since Kankuro woke are only making the toll heavier.]
Gaara dropped ya off here yesterday mornin'.... I ain' left ya 'lone
Mm. [Tasuki's not the only one getting drowsy; Kankuro's not going to be awake much longer, his thin energy nearly expended by this brief period of wakefulness. He lets his head rest on Tasuki's shoulder, the unbandaged side of his face pressing against the fabric of his clothes. It's a sign of trust, that -- his covered eye out toward the room, trusting Tasuki to see anything that needs to be seen. He's safe.]
You should rest... 's a long time to be awake. [And his voice is dropping down into a mumble. But he suddenly worries that Tasuki will misinterpret.] Rest here, I mean. Don't leave...
[If he weren't so tired and out of it, he'd never have said such a thing so openly. As it is, the last two words slip out, seemingly without his consent. But he doesn't take them back.]
'm fine...[The bandit starts a little, blinking hard and trying to shake off the exhaustion dragging at him. He lifts his head, scowling out at the room but slowly, despite his best intentions he collapses back against that wall again. When Kankuro turns his face in against Tasuki's shoulder the bandit's hand drags through his hair. A faint smile tugs at Tasuki's lips for a moment and he moves his fingers lazily through the ninja's short hair, enjoying the sensation and certainly in no frame of mind to realize that he is, in fact, petting his friend.]
Ain' goin' nowhere... gotta keep ya from... bein' stupid... [The hand that had been resting beside him on the bed shifts, coming up around the ninja, fingers twisting in the blanket as he clings protectively to Kankuro.] fuckin' idiot
[Congratulations, Tasuki, you just discovered Kankuro's great weakness. Those fingers combing through his hair all but flip a switch labeled 'relax' in the back of his brain; he leans into the motion, eye closed as he just soaks up the attention.]
Won't go anywhere... stay here, 's comfy... [His voice drifts into a mumble as sleep overtakes him again, his drowsy brain not even questioning the implications of falling asleep on Tasuki like this. He's comfortable, Tasuki is warm and petting him, he feels safe, he knows he did his job... everything is just completely right in Kankuro's world.]
[Now if only he were awake enough to realize he's discovered this weakness. Those fingers slow in their motion though, the bandit starting to drift off as well. He blinks a few times, reminding himself that he's supposed to be watching over Kankuro, keeping him safe. Sleeping is definitely not conducive to guard duty but he just can't seem to force his eyes open for more than a second.]
mmmhmmm.........'s comfy..... [The words are barely even a mumble and the red head is asleep before they leave his lips, hand still resting in Kankuro's hair, that faint smile still on his face.]