010 Loz [accidental video]
[Loz is curled up against the wall on his bed. He is shirtless and barefoot, as if he laid down to sleep and hadn't bothered yet to put on his coat and his boots. His knees are drawn up to his chest and the tribble is cradled in his hands, a tiny ball of fluff. He's cried himself out over the observation, though he's still sniffling and his eyes look raw-red around the edges. He's talking to no one in particular. No inhibitions means his internal monologues leak out. He's not talking to the tribble, he's just talking to the room. No more internalizing thoughts.]
I'm not worthless am I? Mother still loves me, doesn't she? I am not worthless...I'm not....I'm tough and and I'm strong.
[but he broke his arm last week trying to prove how strong he was and with the shattered bones came shattered confidence]
No...no I'm not. I am not beautiful or clever or strong like my brothers. The doctors are right. I am worthless to my mother. I couldn't save Kadaj and now he's broken an' I dunno what to do for him. I couldn't save Yazoo and now that I'm here he's gotta watch my back all the time. I made a promise to stay away from Cloud 'cause he gets hurt every time he tries to come back to us. An'..Sephiroth...[he shudders] I'm scared of him. I'm sorry, Mother. [he sniffles, petting the tribble] I'm really not worth anything. I could have stayed dead and given up my cells. Why didn't I? I would have made them stronger and gotten rid of myself in the process. An' I wouldn't have made a fool of myself and gotten hurt last week. I'm just a big, dumb, ugly worthless clump of DNA an' I want to go home, even if I have to be dead when I go there. I hate this place! I hate--
[he is apparently momentarily distracted by the tribble, which has cuddled up to his neck and is purring. The big remnant shivers and reaches to pet it, seemingly soothed by its presence This seems to be enough to divert his attention for long enough for the feed time out]
I'm not worthless am I? Mother still loves me, doesn't she? I am not worthless...I'm not....I'm tough and and I'm strong.
[but he broke his arm last week trying to prove how strong he was and with the shattered bones came shattered confidence]
No...no I'm not. I am not beautiful or clever or strong like my brothers. The doctors are right. I am worthless to my mother. I couldn't save Kadaj and now he's broken an' I dunno what to do for him. I couldn't save Yazoo and now that I'm here he's gotta watch my back all the time. I made a promise to stay away from Cloud 'cause he gets hurt every time he tries to come back to us. An'..Sephiroth...[he shudders] I'm scared of him. I'm sorry, Mother. [he sniffles, petting the tribble] I'm really not worth anything. I could have stayed dead and given up my cells. Why didn't I? I would have made them stronger and gotten rid of myself in the process. An' I wouldn't have made a fool of myself and gotten hurt last week. I'm just a big, dumb, ugly worthless clump of DNA an' I want to go home, even if I have to be dead when I go there. I hate this place! I hate--
[he is apparently momentarily distracted by the tribble, which has cuddled up to his neck and is purring. The big remnant shivers and reaches to pet it, seemingly soothed by its presence This seems to be enough to divert his attention for long enough for the feed time out]