(no subject)
I posted this picture to remind myself that skinny is not the only beautiful that exists. I read somewhere once that Serena wears a size 14…I could honestly see that for her lower half but even if that’s inaccurate, she is nobody’s size 4.
Recently I’ve felt inundated with this whole stereotypical “black” beauty…you know the drill…light skin. Long, straight hair. Big breasts. Ass. Thighs and light eyes are a plus. And yes, that is a type of beauty. But there are so many other types.
And it frustrates me, when I wonder how many other women and girls are like me…who, aside from wanting to lose weight for health reasons also are doing it for aesthetics but then feel overwhelmed with the certainty that barring an eating disorder*, we will never have the frames of Meagan Good, Rihanna, or ___insert other hot chick here___
I have neither delusions nor desire to be as muscled as Serena, & quite honestly my arms and torso/stomach area will probably never be that thin, but I keep her in mind as another version of beauty.
Onto the next one…
Changing the time I go to the Fitness Camp from mornings to evening was definitely a good look. And even just after day 3, I already see positive results. 1) I can do a little bit more each day. 2) I feel more energized both physically and mentally. 3) I feel more like I’ve made a real commitment to my health.
I feel renewed and revitalized and ready to immerse myself into socializing and enjoying life… I have quite a few free or cheap activities planned for this weekend. The Detroit ballrooming class, if they’re back this weekend…some free jazz film at Studio 281, and some poetry writing workshop I found about via www.meetup.com there’s also a spades get together I found out about from the same site. I am also church hunting. My mom tells me that my cousin Sonya is church hunting too, so I’ll call her tomorrow and see if we can’t hunt together this Sunday…
I e-mailed the International Rescue Coalition to see if I can do volunteer ESL lessons… There are also 2 organizations dealing with young girls that I am also going to see if I can work with (1 is Linda’s)…
Lastly…I really need to make the move and start interviewing to be a sub and/or Para-pro. I’m stalling on that for a couple reasons, but the main one is that I have to pay for a background test/screening and I won’t have funds to do that until 2 weeks from now. It’s also kind of tricky… to make myself available to supply teach or be a parapro, I’d have to work less hours at my current job. But I can’t exactly afford to do that at the moment. But if I could teach/parapro from 7-2 or 3 5 days a week…and then do ETS 8-12 hours a week, I would definitely be ok. Especially adding in loan and grant money.
There are lots of ESL positions open. I would much rather teach autistic children than do ESL…I may not even get a teaching job right away…I’m going to look in APS, DeKalb, Decatur, Clayton, & Cobb…
I’ve (re)learned that letting go can be so easy, once you really decide to do it. I just had to remember that my future holds so much more promise than anything I’ve yet lived.
I still feel kinda rootless in terms of family but I’m thankful for the family I do have here.
I can live with my non-existent romantic prospects. I find it difficult, however, to deal with the complete lack of male presence in my life. If Michael doesn’t call me in some reasonable amount of time (2 weeks-ish) I’m pretty sure I will call him…maybe? I wanna be so happy like YAY I got another old friend back, but maybe not.
Things I will do when I get paid:
1) Find a new bank. I’m definitely keeping my BOA open but I would like to put the majority of my funds in a local bank
2) Pay for things: Car insurance…bill…heat fixed…light bill…cable...
3) Pay for other things…
it’s funny because the idea of having a lot of material possessions makes me feel weighed down. Even when I was in college, in refund check heaven, I spent most of my money on good times. So like now…I need a bed for my mattress & frame…but I don’t actually feel like I really need one. My bed is comfortable as hell. The mattress foundation is quite sturdy. And a wooden bed just seems like more shit to have to worry about when I move. It’s 1 of those things that I would most likely buy for the sake of other people…because you’re “supposed” to have a bed. But I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. But I do wanna buy wall mirrors and some type of black, wooden shelving thing for my living room. Ok enough babbling.
*clearly not implying that they or any other naturally thin woman has eating disorder, but some women are just not naturally thin and practicing some form of starvation is the only way they will get there.