(no subject)
Ok so what does a person do when they start to feel like their losing themselves? I dont know, Im so lost right now. Im unsure about everything in my life. I dont like for people to know when Im feeling down but theres nothing I can do about that. There are so many things that I wish I could talk about. Damn.... I almost feel like putting it all down right here just so it can be out, but I cant risk that. I cant risk peoples lives. I would rather live with this as one big secret the rest of my life than to have someone I love suffer. But what the fuck am I thinking... I cant live with this it will kill me.... sometimes.... hmm I really dont know what to say, I mean as much as I would just want to write what I feel its just not coming that easy. Ok well I know that all these people want to do is just help me but they just dont understand. And yea I know "what ever it is, dont worry " but hey I cant do that, if you only knew then maybe yes your advice would be worth something to me. Even if you just wanted to make me feel better. Please its really not helping so I like it alot better if you just didnt say anything. And I'll try to handle it better. Really I will... Im not going to say that all these years i was doing good on the inside (I mean in my head) but atleast I was able to hide it... and Im not saying that thats good either but the people I love werent getting hurt. And now I feel like they are. Im sorry to hurt you, but Im only doing what I know I can do. Or what I think is the only way. Well I've never been the type to write alot crap about my life. This doesnt make things better for me tho. I really want to say I miss someone right now but I cant do that, if they know whats good for them then they will try to stay away from me or they will end up dying with me. And thats the last thing I want and need.... I dont think I could live with myself knowing that my unhappiness ruined someone I love....