Wow.
Long time no update.
I just spent a good two hours reading & contemplating on each and every one of my entries in this thing; it's amazing, really, how I've changed over the year and a half I've been (on/off) writing here. If it weren't for this livejournal, I wouldn't have realized as deeply how much happier I am lately & how much improvement my self-being has undergone. I was so.. down. And yet, looking back on those entries, I seemed like just the happiest little thing. I felt I needed to hide my feelings, even from my own livejournal- what you're supposed to rely on to vent out your true feelings.
During this past year or so, I have really learned so much about myself as well as those around me. I've learned that it's crucial to, at one point, stop wanting to be someone you're not, and start wanting to be that someone that you are. You can't change everything about yourself, and some things, whether you like it or not, you're simply stuck with. I feel as if I tried to control everything, & set myself up for disappointment when it dawned on me that not everything in life goes your way. I've learned more to cope with disappointment; I've learned not to dwell on it and to simply MOVE ON. Something that I cannot fail to mention is that I would not be breathing today if it were not for Abigail Rose Whittemore. In her, I see my hero. I see the girl that I run to in hopes of a happier tomorrow. I see the one being that I can talk to for five seconds and walk away having learned a valuable lesson. She is my oxygen.
So many of my views on life have changed so drastically it's almost ridiculous. I was living in this fantasy world where everything was sheltered from me, so I was told what to believe. Having experienced my first year of high school, I was more closely exposed to those types of issues, and therefore saw more clearly what it would BE like. Looking back, I almost want to slap myself for having been so ignorant, or rather, slap the girl that I was. Really, I tried to make it out so that I was so open-minded, but I was infact just the opposite.
I just feel I have grown so much as an individual- from every aspect. I feel I've improved as a friend, a daughter, a sister, a citizen, a care-taker, and something I never thought I'd be- a girlfriend. This leads to the largest change that I have undergone, in my opinion.
A year ago, I would never have thought I were comfortable enough with MYSELF to give someone all of my heart as well as the ability to so easily hurt me. I never would have supposed that I could become so close to any guy to the point where I can totally be myself around him, because I wasn't comfortable with who that self-being was. The irony of it, to me, is that the REASON I'm more comfortable with it now is BECAUSE of him. He has shown me so much about myself, as well as about what true love is. I don't care how 'young' we are, or how long we've walked upon this Earth's crust. We are in love. And this is a feeling that I NEVER though I would feel today. I have found the one guy that I see myself with. The ONE guy that makes me feel things that only that special someone can make one feel. He is perfect. Perfect exists now.
I'm amazed.
I just spent a good two hours reading & contemplating on each and every one of my entries in this thing; it's amazing, really, how I've changed over the year and a half I've been (on/off) writing here. If it weren't for this livejournal, I wouldn't have realized as deeply how much happier I am lately & how much improvement my self-being has undergone. I was so.. down. And yet, looking back on those entries, I seemed like just the happiest little thing. I felt I needed to hide my feelings, even from my own livejournal- what you're supposed to rely on to vent out your true feelings.
During this past year or so, I have really learned so much about myself as well as those around me. I've learned that it's crucial to, at one point, stop wanting to be someone you're not, and start wanting to be that someone that you are. You can't change everything about yourself, and some things, whether you like it or not, you're simply stuck with. I feel as if I tried to control everything, & set myself up for disappointment when it dawned on me that not everything in life goes your way. I've learned more to cope with disappointment; I've learned not to dwell on it and to simply MOVE ON. Something that I cannot fail to mention is that I would not be breathing today if it were not for Abigail Rose Whittemore. In her, I see my hero. I see the girl that I run to in hopes of a happier tomorrow. I see the one being that I can talk to for five seconds and walk away having learned a valuable lesson. She is my oxygen.
So many of my views on life have changed so drastically it's almost ridiculous. I was living in this fantasy world where everything was sheltered from me, so I was told what to believe. Having experienced my first year of high school, I was more closely exposed to those types of issues, and therefore saw more clearly what it would BE like. Looking back, I almost want to slap myself for having been so ignorant, or rather, slap the girl that I was. Really, I tried to make it out so that I was so open-minded, but I was infact just the opposite.
I just feel I have grown so much as an individual- from every aspect. I feel I've improved as a friend, a daughter, a sister, a citizen, a care-taker, and something I never thought I'd be- a girlfriend. This leads to the largest change that I have undergone, in my opinion.
A year ago, I would never have thought I were comfortable enough with MYSELF to give someone all of my heart as well as the ability to so easily hurt me. I never would have supposed that I could become so close to any guy to the point where I can totally be myself around him, because I wasn't comfortable with who that self-being was. The irony of it, to me, is that the REASON I'm more comfortable with it now is BECAUSE of him. He has shown me so much about myself, as well as about what true love is. I don't care how 'young' we are, or how long we've walked upon this Earth's crust. We are in love. And this is a feeling that I NEVER though I would feel today. I have found the one guy that I see myself with. The ONE guy that makes me feel things that only that special someone can make one feel. He is perfect. Perfect exists now.
I'm amazed.