(no subject)
Tonight was strange. exhausting. messed up. did I mention strange?
On my way home, after watching a rather sloppy HBO movie about Edith Piaf with my first mate, I started thinking about how tired I was. How EXHAUSTED I was, am. How everything around me is changing so drastically and how I'm not doing anything naturally productive about it.
This basically lead to a major break down. I haven't had a breakdown like this in a while, it shook me in every corner. It was one of those that you have to pull over and just scream like someone came over and chopped off a limb, or how you would if your mother died. I wanted to die, I felt like I was about to die.
the weird thing though, I didn't feel like I was about to have this at all. No build up, 20 minutes before I was fine, laughing at how terrible the movie was with a dear friend and enjoying myself. What caused this? I'm so bewildered by everything at the moment. I'm hungry, but I threw up on the side of the road?
Maybe this is my breaking point. The point where I realize I've gone too far with not saying enough about what's going on in my life.
or maybe I'm being a puss and need to slap myself in the face and stop acting like a child.
who knows?
On my way home, after watching a rather sloppy HBO movie about Edith Piaf with my first mate, I started thinking about how tired I was. How EXHAUSTED I was, am. How everything around me is changing so drastically and how I'm not doing anything naturally productive about it.
This basically lead to a major break down. I haven't had a breakdown like this in a while, it shook me in every corner. It was one of those that you have to pull over and just scream like someone came over and chopped off a limb, or how you would if your mother died. I wanted to die, I felt like I was about to die.
the weird thing though, I didn't feel like I was about to have this at all. No build up, 20 minutes before I was fine, laughing at how terrible the movie was with a dear friend and enjoying myself. What caused this? I'm so bewildered by everything at the moment. I'm hungry, but I threw up on the side of the road?
Maybe this is my breaking point. The point where I realize I've gone too far with not saying enough about what's going on in my life.
or maybe I'm being a puss and need to slap myself in the face and stop acting like a child.
who knows?