similes, metaphors, ranting, raving, dying so don't worry about it.
i feel like i don't really need to breathe anymore almost as if it's an arbitrary thing and I'm not really feeling the need to sustain anything. If there is anything to sustain it isn't for me. It's like I'm keeping someone else alive in my body that isn't me and they are just as lost about what to do with themselves.
This isn't a rant about what I want or why I don't know what I want to do, it's more of I don't feel like I"m living. I'm living to the point where I'm just making it past the hours of the day and then suffering moreso at night. I'm not living the way I want to where I learn something new or I make a difference, or I go somewhere that makes me feel content like another page has just been turned.
I know that I'm going to San Francisco and that the only thing really keeping me going at the moment, but right now? I'm so upset with myself and how I'm carrying on each day. Go to work, come home, work out, "sleep". nothing ever changes. I know one needs to cross the bridge and pay the toll before reaching any goal, but why can't we ride unicycles and juggle flaming knives while crossing? Who says I can't do interesting and daring things while I'm working my ass off for SF?!
I"m sick and I don't know what to do. I told my mother in secrecy and she went and told Fred. not okay. This is why I don't tell them what happens in my life. they know maybe 1/8th of what goes on and where I go and what I do. That one little part they do know about is family affair, soon everyone finds out about it. I'm scared about what's wrong with me and what scares me more is that I don't know if our insurence will cover it and I certainly don't have the money for it.
I don't think they take me as seriously as I hoped.
This isn't a rant about what I want or why I don't know what I want to do, it's more of I don't feel like I"m living. I'm living to the point where I'm just making it past the hours of the day and then suffering moreso at night. I'm not living the way I want to where I learn something new or I make a difference, or I go somewhere that makes me feel content like another page has just been turned.
I know that I'm going to San Francisco and that the only thing really keeping me going at the moment, but right now? I'm so upset with myself and how I'm carrying on each day. Go to work, come home, work out, "sleep". nothing ever changes. I know one needs to cross the bridge and pay the toll before reaching any goal, but why can't we ride unicycles and juggle flaming knives while crossing? Who says I can't do interesting and daring things while I'm working my ass off for SF?!
I"m sick and I don't know what to do. I told my mother in secrecy and she went and told Fred. not okay. This is why I don't tell them what happens in my life. they know maybe 1/8th of what goes on and where I go and what I do. That one little part they do know about is family affair, soon everyone finds out about it. I'm scared about what's wrong with me and what scares me more is that I don't know if our insurence will cover it and I certainly don't have the money for it.
I don't think they take me as seriously as I hoped.