Resolutions.
Well New Years has come and gone, and I bet you’re wondering what my resolutions are going to be. I’m going to let you in on a little secret, I don’t have any. I never keep them anyways.
I mean seriously, have you ever kept a single New Years resolution in your entire life? I’m betting that the chances are somewhere between, “No” and “I lied about them.” But that doesn’t mean you’re lazy by any means, you’ve probably just got a lot of other things going on in your life.
So unless you wimped out and had your resolution as “keep breathing correctly”, there’s a good possibility that you may have forgotten about your resolution.
But you can take solace that you’re not the only one. Studies are showing that 97% of resolutions won't be kept.
But why is that though? It’s my opinion that you people are setting your goals too high. Most resolutions when compared to the person’s life who makes them, are paramount to saving the world on a daily basis, or destroying it if you like to have fun.
The vast majority of you are probably committing to something you should be doing anyways, like going to the gym. Some of you might resolve to spend more time with your family. Some other common resolutions are, to quit drinking/smoking, to learn something new, and my personal favorite “to enjoy life more.”
All of these seem like things you should be doing on a daily basis as it is. It shouldn’t take one day a year, and a bandwagon mentality to get you to stop eating at McDonalds everyday after you down a 40, and smoke a carton of Pall Malls. That’s just common sense. I mean seriously, if you need a New Years resolution to “enjoy life more”, maybe you should’ve asked for a cliff for X-mas, and thrown yourself off of it.
All of the above mentioned resolutions are great ways to change your life, but in reality, they’re gonna suck real bad when it comes time to make them happen. And herein lies the problem. When something is hard, people tend to give up, myself included. So it would make sense to make your resolutions fun…..right?
So here then, are a few fun resolutions, and ways to make existing resolutions a bit more bearable.
- If you’re already saying, “that’s what she said” at every opportunity you get, tone it down a bit, and save them up for when it’s really gonna make a good joke. (this is actually my resolution)
- If you’re not saying, “that’s what she said”, maybe you should start. It’s a hilarious way to keep the day moving along.
- If you’re dead set on making going to the gym your resolution, make sure you find some fun motivation while you’re there. I would suggest that every time you go, find the absolute fattest person you can find, and workout next to them during your entire session. It’ll be like having your own personal funhouse mirror to motivate you. If they don’t look like you, maybe you could toss a wig on them or something.
- If you’re worried about balding this year, go big or go home and just shave all your hair off anyways. Maybe you grow a beard, or keep a 5 o’clock shadow constantly. Maybe you change your name to McClane.
- If you’re tired of being overweight, but for whatever reason can’t get to the gym, put that weight gain powder in your co-workers food/drink everyday for a year. You’ll feel better by comparison.
- If you’re trying to quit something, like smoking, or the never-ending battle with the beast, give yourself an incentive. For example, every day you go without a cigarette, you get to take a trip somewhere. This could be the bathroom, the basement, or even your neighbor’s house. Wherever it is, make sure you enjoy it!
- If you’re going to learn something, make sure you learn something interesting. No one will care if you learn to speak Spanish, in fact it’ll just make them jealous that they can’t. Instead, learn something that will make people either respect you, or fear you, or both. People respect a newly christened black belt just itching to try out his five finger palm of death move. Conversely, people respect and fear the person that learns all of the goings-ons that go down in his/her work place, i.e. who’s sleeping with who, who’s getting the axe in the next round of layoffs.
- Maybe you’ve resolved that you need a personal guru in your life. Maybe Peyton Manning’s got some good life lessons. You know, 6’5”, 230-pound quarterback, laser rocket arm. You love him.
So there’s a few for you to use. Whatever you make a resolution for, be sure you enjoy it.