time stood still
i've missed all the chances to say what i really want, what i really mean, and come off as genuine and sincere. sometimes purposely. mostly of inaction plain and simple. if i don't move, inertia will not guide me down the wrong path, and for this fear of failure i am doomed to the impotence of indecision. at some point it mattered to me enough to hate myself for it, to beat myself up for it, to feel the guilt mixed in with the shy, antisocial demeanour. over the course of time, it gradually ceased to matter enough to get me riled up inside. in true meta-paradigm fashion, my problem contributed to the negation of my problem. now instead of thinking what if..., i just smile to myself. what if time stood still? but oh, it does.