guilt-free

[a_clear_job]

growing up as a kid, a teenager, and even a young adult, i have always tried to be frugal because i didn't have a wealthy upbringing when i was younger, and so i came to appreciate characteristics like practical, and long-lasting, and hand-me-downs. i only recently realized that i have reached a point in my life where i can afford to indulge in

Comments

[a_clear_job]

thanks for the vote of confidence. it is really nice to see such a positive response to my assertions. especially since it is a difficult thing to talk about. and i often feel like what kind of a moron am i, thinking i have it so bad; there are people starving, sleeping on the streets. so i feel silly saying "i grew up sort of, well, poor", because it's all relative, you know? i've always had a roof over my head. i've never gone hungry. and maybe that's why the guilt doesn't go away so easily, and i have to work hard at believing that i deserve some indulgences.

the perfect example of that is what isn't on the list. oh, i could have gone hogwild and made a list a mile long, of all the things i've ever dreamt about or wished about having (and some of them i could maybe even afford now). but still in the back of my head, like a censor, is the voice that says "if you're gonna indulge, at least make it something practical." hence why my list is so short and easily-rationalized. like, i need a new computer monitor, because i have an old CRT that uses a lot of energy. and i need new guitar and bass amps and fx processors, because i'm planning to play live again in the near future (actually, this rationale could apply to the powerbook too).

so yeah. still gotta work a bit on the guilt.