a few days away from 9 months (36 weeks)
30 days. that's all that's left until my due date. just 30 days. i am both saddened at this, and very anxious.
in fact, i'm so anxious that i had an anxiety attack yesterday. something i haven't felt since i've been pregnant. i freaked out. about the birthing process itself mostly, if i was going to make it to the hospital on time (we live pretty far from it), if i was going to be able to handle it, what if there were complications, what if he isn't in the right position, what if i go into labor this early, will i know that i'm going into labor, will we have enough money, will i be able to get things ready for him in time, where am i going to bring him home to, how will i deal with josie and the baby, what about my mom... the list just goes on and on. i cried for like 2 hours. took a bath and cried some more. david kept getting upset at me because i couldn't talk without crying, so i couldn't explain to him what was going on with me. he brought me burger king to make me feel better.
friday, i went to a pre-yard-sale at katie's house. colleen gave me a whole ton of maternity clothes (which i am in desperate need of now), and they also donated a huge amount of clothes to use too. i bought a dresser, night stand and bookshelf for $15 bucks from Debbie too so i would have a place to put all his clothes.
then saturday, i went to work as usual and donna was back. i can't stand working without donna being there, she just makes things go so much smoother. i had a hard time because my hearing went again. gina says it's wax too. maybe i'll go get them professionally cleaned. i got extremely tired too. i think next saturday is going to be my last one at the shelter. i'm ready to have my saturday's back for a while. donna was worried i wouldn't come back after maternity leave, but you know, i'd rather work one day the the shelter than nothing at all. i love being there. so of course i'll go back.
i'm also enjoying my wednesday birthing classes too. they are alot of fun for me; i get to be around other girls who are due around the same time and our teacher is hilarious. last week, she got this big foam crotch and set it down in front of her and pushed a baby doll through it, making noise and huffing and puffing the whole time. i was laughing so hard. she's a really neat lady and i like what she has to say. i trust her alot. david has been going with me too, and this last session he finally felt comfortable enough to ask questions and talk with the instructor.
i've cut my hours back to part time now. i go in at 12 instead of 8. and colleen has been more than happy to help me out with that. she really understanding.
i really need the break. even just a half day there wears me out so badly, and makes my ankles swell so painfully. i also feel like i have more time for myself now too. i feel like i can get the laundry done, do my hair, get online and update, and all without pushing myself. i can relax about it.
oh, and in other news. david and i have almost officially decided on the name. david still has his heart set on Justice, and i am still not budging from Gauge. so... Gauge Justice. a compromise. though David really wants it to be Justice Gauge and we'll just call him Gauge. so we are not 100% decided. he has begun to talk to my belly and call him Gauge now, which makes me smile.
thought i'd throw in a picture too. this is the only one of me in a bathing suit. from almost a month ago.
in fact, i'm so anxious that i had an anxiety attack yesterday. something i haven't felt since i've been pregnant. i freaked out. about the birthing process itself mostly, if i was going to make it to the hospital on time (we live pretty far from it), if i was going to be able to handle it, what if there were complications, what if he isn't in the right position, what if i go into labor this early, will i know that i'm going into labor, will we have enough money, will i be able to get things ready for him in time, where am i going to bring him home to, how will i deal with josie and the baby, what about my mom... the list just goes on and on. i cried for like 2 hours. took a bath and cried some more. david kept getting upset at me because i couldn't talk without crying, so i couldn't explain to him what was going on with me. he brought me burger king to make me feel better.
friday, i went to a pre-yard-sale at katie's house. colleen gave me a whole ton of maternity clothes (which i am in desperate need of now), and they also donated a huge amount of clothes to use too. i bought a dresser, night stand and bookshelf for $15 bucks from Debbie too so i would have a place to put all his clothes.
then saturday, i went to work as usual and donna was back. i can't stand working without donna being there, she just makes things go so much smoother. i had a hard time because my hearing went again. gina says it's wax too. maybe i'll go get them professionally cleaned. i got extremely tired too. i think next saturday is going to be my last one at the shelter. i'm ready to have my saturday's back for a while. donna was worried i wouldn't come back after maternity leave, but you know, i'd rather work one day the the shelter than nothing at all. i love being there. so of course i'll go back.
i'm also enjoying my wednesday birthing classes too. they are alot of fun for me; i get to be around other girls who are due around the same time and our teacher is hilarious. last week, she got this big foam crotch and set it down in front of her and pushed a baby doll through it, making noise and huffing and puffing the whole time. i was laughing so hard. she's a really neat lady and i like what she has to say. i trust her alot. david has been going with me too, and this last session he finally felt comfortable enough to ask questions and talk with the instructor.
i've cut my hours back to part time now. i go in at 12 instead of 8. and colleen has been more than happy to help me out with that. she really understanding.
i really need the break. even just a half day there wears me out so badly, and makes my ankles swell so painfully. i also feel like i have more time for myself now too. i feel like i can get the laundry done, do my hair, get online and update, and all without pushing myself. i can relax about it.
oh, and in other news. david and i have almost officially decided on the name. david still has his heart set on Justice, and i am still not budging from Gauge. so... Gauge Justice. a compromise. though David really wants it to be Justice Gauge and we'll just call him Gauge. so we are not 100% decided. he has begun to talk to my belly and call him Gauge now, which makes me smile.
thought i'd throw in a picture too. this is the only one of me in a bathing suit. from almost a month ago.