"I don't get no respect!"
I can't believe Rodney Dangerfield died last night. I just assumed he'd be around forever. It's so sad...and on my birthday. No, I don't care about that but I don't know....'that's what old people do. they die.' I was never a big fan, but he was a good guy. He probably made fun of himself more than anyone in history.
Diana told me I'm a pushover and that I'm too nice. No one wants to be a pushover but I don't know how to stand up for myself or say 'no'. I'm not even that nice. Anyway, Aaron brought in Tupac lyrics for the class to go over and correct. He paired me w/Bob. It was funny b/c he's so shy and he's like "Uh "Soon as I stepped on the scene, I'm hearing hoochies screamin"...I'm pretty sure that should be "I heard hoochies screamin" Ahhh, it was funny. Guess you had to be there. There were guys in the hallways in suits handing out little bibles for free. They had boxes of them. It was scary. They gave me one and I want to throw it away but I'm afraid I'll go to hell. I don't believe in god or hell but I don't know, so anyone who wants a free bible, you're in luck.
One day as I came home early from work I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."
When I was a kid I got no respect. When my parents got divorced there was a custody fight over me ... and no one showed up.
I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Oh, when I was a kid, when my parents went shopping, they always took me with them - that way they could park in a handicapped section.
With girls, I don't think right. I had a date with one girl, she had mirrors all over her bedroom. She told me to come over and bring a bottle. I got Windex.
I'm trying a new diet now. The diet is Viagra and prune juice. I tell ya, I don't know if I'm coming or going.
Oh, when I was a kid I was poor. We were so poor, when my father died; they asked my mother, "Paper or plastic?"
I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
When I was a kid I got no respect. I worked in a pet store. People kept asking how big I get.
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.
My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah...my wife broke up with her boyfriend.
I went to look for a used car. I found my wife's dress in the back seat.
Diana told me I'm a pushover and that I'm too nice. No one wants to be a pushover but I don't know how to stand up for myself or say 'no'. I'm not even that nice. Anyway, Aaron brought in Tupac lyrics for the class to go over and correct. He paired me w/Bob. It was funny b/c he's so shy and he's like "Uh "Soon as I stepped on the scene, I'm hearing hoochies screamin"...I'm pretty sure that should be "I heard hoochies screamin" Ahhh, it was funny. Guess you had to be there. There were guys in the hallways in suits handing out little bibles for free. They had boxes of them. It was scary. They gave me one and I want to throw it away but I'm afraid I'll go to hell. I don't believe in god or hell but I don't know, so anyone who wants a free bible, you're in luck.
One day as I came home early from work I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."
When I was a kid I got no respect. When my parents got divorced there was a custody fight over me ... and no one showed up.
I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Oh, when I was a kid, when my parents went shopping, they always took me with them - that way they could park in a handicapped section.
With girls, I don't think right. I had a date with one girl, she had mirrors all over her bedroom. She told me to come over and bring a bottle. I got Windex.
I'm trying a new diet now. The diet is Viagra and prune juice. I tell ya, I don't know if I'm coming or going.
Oh, when I was a kid I was poor. We were so poor, when my father died; they asked my mother, "Paper or plastic?"
I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
When I was a kid I got no respect. I worked in a pet store. People kept asking how big I get.
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.
My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah...my wife broke up with her boyfriend.
I went to look for a used car. I found my wife's dress in the back seat.