maybe this took too long.
after having the one of the weirdest weekends of my life. i have come to the conclusion of what i want and who i want to be.
We finally talked and finished business that was left unfinished for far to long. We closed doors that were left open. I am happy. I still care and i guess i always will. i love you, but im not in love with you. I feel conifident this is for the best. I can finally move on.
I realized i cant move on with my life and be happy, if i hold grudges and spend time hating what i cant take back or change. I made peace with my mom and dad. We are all actually on talking terms. and its so strange getting along with them. But i love it. I forgive everyone.
I decided i want to be a less judemental person. I want to be open minded, I want to be happy with who i am. All in all i just want to be a good person. I have a plan that i hope works. I Decided drinking is probably one of the worst ideas i have ever had. I no longer feel the need to do it anymore. you get to the point when you realize its just not worth it. I have so much to lose. and I should be smarter in my choice of freinds and activities. I am almost eighteen, almost an adult. Im at the point where there really isnt room for error. It took a good friend and three hour conversation with a complete stranger to realize how lucky i am and how much i have to lose. I can honestly say i feel like i have it all. I am truly happy. THis summer is going to be the best thing ever, because I'm going to make it one to remember. I finally went and filled out appilcations yesterday. I just woke up with motivation. Not like me at all. I want to let people get close to me. I push the people who care most about me away. I dont want to be afraid to be honest about how i feel anymore. I realize theres always the chance of getting hurt, but I'll never know if i dont even give someone a chance. I want to get to know people. I hang out with so many people, and i know most of them like the back of my hand. but they dont know me because i dont let them. I am ready to take in everything, and appreciate the small things that make me happy. I am in the weirdest mood, and I cant complain.