I feel it all; I feel it all; the wings are wide; the wings are wide. Wild card inside.
I'M GRATEFUL THAT THE TOTALITARIAN PIGS WHO ARRESTED ME AND DROPPED ME IN THIS CELL HAD THE KINDNESS AND/OR LACK OF FORESIGHT TO ALLOW ME MY JOURNAL (GIVEN THE THUGS THAT PASS FOR LAW ENFORCEMENT IN THIS CITY, I NATURALLY ASSUME THE LATTER). AS EVER, I AM MERELY 'COOLING MY HEELS' FOR A FEW DAYS IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN THE IMAGE OF ORDER THAT THIS CITY SO DESPERATELY STRIVES TO MAINTAIN. I HAVE DONE TOO MUCH AND HELD THE POSITION TOO LONG TO BE STRIPPED OF MY TITLE, BUT IT IS STILL IMPORTANT THAT THE CITIZENS AT LEAST THINK THAT THEIR MAGISTRY IS NOT ABOVE THE LAW. ALSO THEY HAVE NO PROOF.
REALLY, IT'S NOT AS THOUGH I KILLED ANYONE. IT'S JUST THAT I CAN ONLY TOLERATE THE ARCANE PATROLLERS FOR SO LONG BEFORE I DECIDE THEIR STATEMENTS ARE IN NEED OF REVISION.
SO I REPROGRAMMED A FEW OF THEM TO BE FRIENDLIER. THAT'S ALL.
BUT, AS THE PATROLLERS ARE SO QUICK TO REMIND US, THIS IS NOT A DEMOCRACY, NOR A REPUBLIC, NOR ANY OTHER KIND OF EVEN SEMI-ACCEPTABLE FORM OF GOVERNMENT. THIS IS A DICTATORSHIP, MAKE NO MISTAKE. AND EVEN IF CHAOS SEETHES BENEATH THE SURFACE--WHICH IT DOES, BY THE LIGHT IT DOES--THE VENEER OF PEACE AND GENTILITY MUST NOT FALTER; THE PORCELAIN MUST NOT SHOW CRACKS. I TELL YOU IT'S A GOOD THING THERE ARE ENCHANTED BROOMS EVERYWHERE TO SWEEP ALL OUR FILTH AWAY. LIGHT FORBID ANYONE LOOK UNDER THE RUGS IN THIS CITY.
LARKSPUR TRIED TO CONVINCE ME TO STOP MY INVESTIGATIONS, AS I PREDICTED. HE IS AN IDIOT FOR TWOFOLD REASONS: MY INVESTIGATIONS ARE ALREADY COMPLETE, AND EVEN IF THEY WEREN'T I SURE AS FUCK WOULD NOT LISTEN TO HIS HALF-WITTED DEMANDS. I'M NOT ONE OF HIS SLAVERING, SIMPERING DEATH KNIGHTS. I RECOGNIZE NO SOVEREIGNTY BUT MY OWN, BUT THE SACRED SOVEREIGNTY IMBUED INTO EACH OF US ON THE DAY OF OUR BIRTH. I WISH MORE PEOPLE DID THE SAME.
FURTHERMORE I HAVE NO INTENTION OF USING THE INFORMATION FOR POLITICAL GAIN. I WOULD RATHER CUT OUT MY OWN TONGUE AND FEED IT TO MYSELF THAN FURTHER ANY AGENDA THAT ENDS IN THE SENSELESS WASTE OF LIFE KNOWN AS EXECUTION.
[there is some space between these lines and the next, as though Adra paused to think.]
MY WIFE, I AM SURE, WILL BE TERRIBLY ANGRY WHEN SHE REALIZES I AM NOT AT HOME. I EXPECT THE EPIPHANY WILL STRIKE HER WHEN SHE COMES DOWN TO FETCH SKETHYLBERRY TARTS FOR HERSELF AND ALRUNE AND FINDS THAT THERE ARE NONE,
SINCE I AM NOT THERE TO PREPARE THEM. LET US HOPE SHE DOES NOT BREAK MY JAW OVER THE MATTER. I KNOW I'M NOT GROWING ANY YOUNGER AND THAT I MUST THINK OF HER WELFARE AND THE WELFARE OF OUR DAUGHTER; THEY TWO ARE THE LIGHTS OF MY LIFE. BUT I WILL NOT RAISE ALRUNE TO BE COMPLACENT AND SO IN A WAY I FEEL I AM SETTING AN EXAMPLE. IF SHE ASKS WHERE I HAVE BEEN I SHALL TELL HER THE TRUTH. SHE MUST KNOW WHAT KIND OF WORLD SHE LIVES IN SO THAT SHE DOES BECOME ASSIMILATED INTO ITS EVIL, SO THAT SHE CAN BE A FORCE FOR JUSTICE RATHER THAN OPPRESSION. SURELY MY WIFE WILL UNDERSTAND THIS, THOUGH I KNOW MY ACTIONS EXHAUST HER.
I LOVE AVALI. BUT SHE KNEW WHO I WAS WHEN SHE MARRIED ME, INDEED, SHE CAME TO LOVE ME WHILE DISCOVERING THE TRUTH OF MY NATURE, ON THOSE ILL-FATED RESEARCH TRIPS TO OUTLAND.
AND I CANNOT STOP. I WILL NEVER STOP.
[another space.]
LULU WROTE ME A VICIOUS LETTER. I ENJOYED IT, BUT I OBVIOUSLY CANNOT REPLY. SERVICES ARE RATHER LIMITED IN THIS CELL. I CAN'T EVEN CONJURE MYSELF A GODDAMN MUFFIN.