I guess I could cry..But I won't waste my time

[a_black_rose76]

Wow, do I have no life! Yeah, I hate reading everyone else's journals. It proves to me more so that Iam a losuer + have no life what-so-ever. I'm gaining weight because all me + Joe do is sit around, lay around, eat + watch movies. So we are both gaining some poundage. But me worse. I hate! Amanda is like dead, Sam is done, and who else did I have/

Comments

A Little Advice?

[xexploitedconex]

Brandy, i know you feel as you have no one, but i'm going to be blunt here. There are a lot more people that care about you, then you think. Sam is probably holding onto the past and doesn't want to lose her best friend, and by the obvious amounts of journal entries written about her, and the past 3 years spent together, you want to resume your friendship just as much as she does. I think this time you need to start the conversation with her, Even though you love your boyfriend more than anyone or anything in the world, he's been able to manage time between friends and Brandy. And I'm sure you could do the same. Even though you're growing up and being mature, there's always room for friends. They're there to help you feel better, have fun, and surprise you, not always just a source of immaturity. I know soo many people that would enjoy you being around when all the girls are hanging out. I'm sure Joe could understand you wanting to have fun, seeing how depressed, bored, and socially deprived you are. In fact, i bet he wants you to fix them. Anytime you want to hang out with Sam, Myself, Mary, Jes, Bridget, Chris and whoever else i know would be willing to go out of there way to hang out with you. I don't know if this helped at all, but good luck with feeling better.

Re: A Little Advice?

[a_black_rose76]

I don't even know what to say to Sam. I can't just go up to her + start talking. She looks like she hates me!
I'm scared to try to hang out with people because I know I'll just end up pissing them off cos I want to hang out with Joe more than I'd want to them. I REALLY would like to hang out with the GIRLS!!!!! You guys should call me when you are hanging out. No one ever calls me. THe only reason I EVER hung out with anyone was because I just happened to be at SAm's house when people called.
Joe doesn't hang out with friends. ONly me. And Then sometimes ppl sleepover + just leave in the morning. + his band, only really at band practice though. But yeah.
I'm not trying to be mature by secluding myself..I'm just bad with ppl.

Re: A Little Advice?

[xexploitedconex]

Well, maybe you could start out with an apology, and explain to her, that you can't help but feel that Joe is the most important person in your life currently, but you still want to be friends with her, even though you can't put her first, i know you two hit a lot of rocky patches, but just not talking to eachother is kind of immature, seeing as how many years you've spent together! I know she can't always understand that you're in love, but TRY to see it from her point of view, the only reason she wants to spend so much time with you is because she loves you and cares about, and didn't want to lose you. Out of all the times you're sitting around NOT with Joe, you could hang out with Sam then or anyone else, I don't even know your number!!
mine is 216-262-3754 i have to say even that dumb american werewolves show was fun, that one guy's butt...woah. I think you're really fun to hang out with, because i'm not always loud, and sometimes quiet and reserved and just like to make comments about everyone...haha which we always do. ANYTIME you want to hang out you can just call me, and sleep over on the girls nights, sometimes they're fun, and sometimes it's just a huge long talk. you're welcome ANYTIME you want, i just figured you never wanted to hang out. It's more fun then you'd think!

Re: A Little Advice?

[a_black_rose76]

Wait, Apologize for what?? I didn't do anything! SHE is the one that was fucking saying shit behind my back!
I DO see things from her point of view!! She acts stupid about things! SHE makes it difficult on me! WHY AM I ALWAYS MADE OUT TO BE THE FUCKING BAD GUY IN OUR FIGHTS!! SAM DOES NOTHING WRONG! SHE IS PERFECT!! NO, she is immature about it. I told her today that I don't hate her, hoping to open up conversation, but I got nothing in return. And I KNOW she wants to spend time with me. But her talking behind my back doesn't make me happy at all!! Wow! Fuck it! Sam is allmighty + perfect. No one knows how rediculous she is. Sam has never been there for me when I needed her. I can't talk to her about serious stuff because she doesn't pay attention + she is HORRIBLE at communicating. Plus she hides her feelings. She never tells me what is going on with her + when I try to tell her what is wrong with me she turns it into something about her. She doesn't care about me, or at least she doesn't show it. I must admit she was trying lately, and then when I hear she was saying shit about me it pissed me off! She obviously doesn't care to be friends with me because she hasen't tried at all and she seems perfectly happy without me. So instead of dealing with bad communication + stuff bullshit maybe we should just be over. As much as that hurts I think it might be best for both of us.

When I'm not with Joe? I'm ALWAYS with him. He's the only person that I feel like actually cares + listens to me. He helps me + I help him. We connect.

My # is (330)-225-9050. Why wouldn't I want to hang out??! I LOVE just talking + hanging out. I'm like super shy though. I use bitchyness or humor to try to cover it up, but I'm super shy.That show was really fun! I was hoping I'd have more times like that. But the only time I ever hung out with anyone was if I just happened to be at Sam's house when someone called. No one ever called me. I never really felt like anybody liked me either, cos it has always been that everyone likes Sam wayy more than me.

Re: A Little Advice?

[xexploitedconex]

Aww, well maybe an apology is needed from both of you, i never got apologies though, they're just words. I mean, yeah, Sam did talk about you, but most of the time it really wasn't anything mean, Lauren likes to stretch the truth...a lot! I know you're not the bad guy, Brandy. But it's really hard for Sam to understand why you would put someone you love before her. I COMPLETELY understand that. I did the same EXACT thing to Tiff. I just feel i didn't need anyone but Ian. (even though he fucked me over) And i was really starting to get like that with Aaron. But eventually we realized..that we were both being a little irrational with it. I also, really don't think Sam hates you, she didn't or was ever planning on taking everything off the walls in her room and as you know 98% of the stuff is from or about you. At Spencers there were rainbow suspenders and Sam said..."..If Brandy Didn't Hate Me, I'd Get These For Her" But I guess now she knows you don't hate her. I think eventually, no matter how hard it is, everything will work out, you just have to be patient, because of the communication problem you both have.

I can definately see you making up, because when you come hang out with us, Sam'll most likely come if she's not working, and you'll end up making up. Even after that, I don't think Sam'll be as demanding with hang-out time, because she has a job now, which takes away a lot of it. I'll definately call you sometime because i think talking + hanging out is better then trying to make it fun and exciting all the time.
And of course i'd hang out with you without Sam being there, because i'm not really an open kind of fun person anymore.