Comments | a_bit_put_upon: 0015. Unease. [Private to 11-12, when he is well enough]

a_bit_put_upon

0015. Unease. [Private to 11-12, when he is well enough]

Feb 22, 2010 09:57

What happened? What could bring you to such a... such a...

Why did you not seek another avenue? Why did you not seek help?

There must have been another way.

five does not approve, five is emo, five is fashionably late to every party

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Private villageson February 23 2010, 16:49:03 UTC

I couldn't see another way. I'm sorry.

Private (will go to spam you when more concentraty time, or after work) a_bit_put_upon February 23 2010, 17:44:03 UTC

Why did you not speak to someone? Surely you understood the strife caused by such an action- surely you knew you wouldn't find a permanent path?

Why did you do it?

Private villageson February 23 2010, 17:48:16 UTC

I couldn't speak to anyone about it. They wouldn't have understood and they would have wanted to talk me out of it.

I didn't mean to upset anyone.

Private a_bit_put_upon February 23 2010, 21:20:09 UTC

You've still not told me why.

Private villageson February 24 2010, 02:27:47 UTC

I don't know if I can explain it.

Private a_bit_put_upon February 24 2010, 17:33:59 UTC

Please try. Give me a reason to maintain my faith in you.

Private villageson February 24 2010, 17:47:29 UTC

....

I've been thinking a lot lately about one of the... people that I killed. 909. He was my lover back home. And I... I've been missing him so much these last few weeks. Then we got to that port.. and I met two men there - they're on the Barge. And things happened... but when we got back they've been treating me differently. Colder. And it made me think more about 909 again and what I did to him... Horrible... And I decided that I didn't want to be alive, even if just for a short time. And I wanted to feel something of how he had felt when I... stabbed him.

I know it doesn't make a lot of sense now. But I felt I had to do it.

Private a_bit_put_upon February 25 2010, 17:23:10 UTC

Why would you wish to be dead? Many people have acted differently since that port; when one is made to act under an outside influence, one feels violated and uneasy. I'd wager their actions had little or nothing to do with shunning you.

Private villageson February 25 2010, 18:13:50 UTC

I just didn't want to have to think any more.

And they both said that they were under no spells at the port.

Private a_bit_put_upon February 25 2010, 18:19:02 UTC

... [refrains from the obvious retort.]

Might I ask who they were?

Private villageson February 25 2010, 18:21:05 UTC

What good would that do?

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