My Little Biggest Friend
hey. hey. i haven't updated for awhile. I've just been so busy trying to keep up with my school work and all. Which reminds me! I didn't turn in my stupid ass scrapbook today after i worked really hard on it. AND NOW SHE WON'T EXCEPT IT! :( My life is finally coming together. Things are becoming way more clear to me now. Yesterday I was thinking a lot about me old best friend. I didn’t really understand what ever happened to us. I remember how back in sixth grade he would write me these letters telling me how he would never forget me and how we would always be best friends. Then the letters stopped. We stopped getting along so well and actually stopped talking for months. We HATED each other! Finally we realized what we were doing was stupid and we started talking again. I realized that I couldn’t live without this person. I tried so hard to make sure that we didn’t fight and tried to have a perfect relationship with him. I mean this guy was like a brother to me. Well, I meant well, but we fought all the time anyways. I would always get mad at him and tell myself that I didn’t need him, and that it would be better without him anyways. As I looked back on our fights I really didn’t see a point in struggling to hold on to a friendship that would constantly bring me down. But thinking about us not being friends tore me up. I always asked myself a never ending question… ‘Is it worth is?’ Well, we keep on fighting and the more we fought the value of our friendship would go down. I was his friend, but if we fought it wasn’t a big deal because I thought that I didn’t really give a fuck what he thought anymore. It seems two faced, but even though all this happened we still hung out. I really didn’t feel like I needed him or his friendship. Some time during the summer he called me and told me that he was going to go to a new school next year. A bunch of thoughts we running through my head. I didn’t know what I was going to do. When I made up my mind about letting go all I could focus on was holding on. I talked to him a lot after that figuring that we wouldn’t talk much after he moved. I was so scared that I was loosing my best friend. Looking back on why I was mad at him seemed pointless and stupid. So I tried to think of a way to get him to stay, but that didn’t work. So I tried to think of a way that I could go with him, but that didn’t work either. Man, just when I think I don’t need someone I realized how much I do need them, and how much they truly mean to me. Its been four months since hes moved and we don’t really talk that much anymore. And I was thinking about him the other day and just wished that I wasn’t so stubborn and didn’t fight with him because maybe he would be beside me right now. :(