(no subject)
ok so heres how it goes:
i worked 12 hours til 4am on friday and it was busy as fuck. then when I got home I realized I left my cell phone at work at that dani was going to be in town on saturday and would probably want to hang out early. so I got 4 hours sleep so that I could arive on time and meet her and pick up my cell from my work.
chilled with dani all saturday. that went really well and I feel good about it. it left we with a rare smile on my face I haven't had in a while. she also made me think about somthing that I kind of pushed to the back of my mind these days. I keep rushing around stressing about my own small and insignifigant life and about money and stupid things like drawing and music....not that they're stupid, but when you become a volunteer or get involved with an issue you believe passionately in, you start to see your own life in a little better of a perspective. that was a thought i needed pushed in there.
then after that I went back to work and worked another 12 hours. that was a bitch. when I woke up at noon on sunday I met up with nick so we could watch the world cup, but we met up with andrew Moncrieff and his ex-girlfriend Jazmine so we went back to moncrieffs place around elgin and smoked a J. at 2 we went to watch the world cup but all the bars were packed, so eventually we found one and watched it while getting drunk.
it was a sad game but I refuse to dwell on a stupid soccer game, even if i did have a chance at getting 300 bucks from my bar. the more pressing issue is: why doesn't canada have a good enough team to get into the world cup? if the U.S. and places like GHANA can get a soccer team, why the fuck can't we??? its like hockey without the skates or sticks!
after that, nick and I copped another dube and I started drinking Old E with christie and val, that evening we went to an art and hiphop show that Jordan McKie was participating in. the live hiphop was SO DOPE. dan, I don't know if you're reading this buddy, but you would have shit your pants and would have been like a 6 year old on christmas. like, simply put, it was dope. sick. use any ghetto term for amazing you like.
after that, we went back to my place and drank more and went to Mod night at Babylon. they play a lot of 80's music and I think dani would have liked it. that was a good time. Oliver's roommate ended up shacking up with my roommate but i try to stay out of that business.
this morning I thought I'd lost my wallet but I found it at the last minute. christie was a godess for me. she helped me clean my place, do the dishes, gave me bus tickets and treated me to dinner because she knew that I have a pay check from my work that I'm cashing tomorrow when my money troubles will begin to melt.
anyways. I'm trying to keep my spirits up and trying to keep contemplating that great question of who I actually am, what I want, where I'm headed and what the fuck I'm going to do about it.
I stand alone
Burned every bridge over the troubled water
No longer hiding from my personality disorder
A stronger tide is coming, I've been running
trying to function fine with out my mind
climbing out this fucking corner
I was born a thorn away from the rotten petals
A forgotten rebel
craft in the absence of heaven's heavy hands to develop an evident level of benevolence
so it's probably better I sold my soul to the devil
This is a message to anyone I met that thinks they know me
Don't pretend to understand none of the issues that I'm holding
I was in a rush to grow up, look Mom no cuts
Just a stomach in disgust, and the fear
that I might go nuts this year
If I don't slow up I'll see you on my way
One day this shit'll kill me but I guess that it's OK
I've lost all faith in a world so full of hate
and I don't fucking love music I just use it to escape
I'm caught between wanting to punch someone in the face
and putting a bullet in my head to leave the human race
Everything takes its toll but there's no tolls I can take
I haven't yet found a good reason to be awake
Introducing the corroded bumps I hide behind my smile
I'm angry at the universe for the way she treats me now
And keeps me down,
stealing all my energy
I'm feeling like my enemy, concealing my identity
Not dealing with my tendencies,
I peel the skin and then I squeeze
The real imprinted hand cause he's
not human in this century,
I'm kneeling to the entity
Who built this penitentiary,
as filthy as a centipede
And guilt was in his sense cause he was willing to just let me bleed, While I wore a game face
In 10 years don't check for me I'll be in the same place
This planet's just an over-populated mental hospital
Each zombie walk around constitutes another obstacle
So here it is I'm finally coming out my shell
All 19 years of my life have been in conflict with myself
I'm insecure by every facet of my existence
From my addictions, to the condition I choose to live in
Who you kidding?
I suffer from excess anxiety
A product of pollution in American society
Stare into my eyes and see the hell that burns inside my mind
and I no longer have an ego I can hide behind
but I've been trying disregarding my insanity
Every form of art isolates us from humanity
But it's provoked against being force fed
so Fuck education for a decade and 3 years
of headaches from my peers
Cause now I realize I could have learned more on my own
They taught me how to know everything except my soul
Which is everything I need to grow
Everything that keeps me whole
Everything that ever meant anything to Eyedea
So I leave with golden hopes
to rip the leash that holds my focus
but the fact remains the same, I'm still bound by chains
It doesn't matter if your chain is 10 ft or 100 ft
The fact remains the same, you're still bound by chains
Some people say I've changed, and it's harder to relate to me
Good, I never liked you our friendship was make believe
I'm peeling the mask back and
revealing the rap that's been
Feeling my organs drilling short distorted portions
of morbid acid keeps the torture unfortunately crafted
interests to orbit my portrait and inflict my image with disorder
The minutes get shorter, the walls start to close in
Feels like the brain is hanging on by one clothes pin
I've hidden in the darkness for too long
I make it look all right but on the inside it's all wrong
I want life to change but I don't know if it can
for a man or machine or whatever the fuck I am
I stand alone burned every bridge over the trouble water
No longer hiding from my personality disorder
You want to die in my life?
then come and stay in madness' favorite little corner
Cause even shadows have shadows
and my secrets are eating me eagerly feeding
I scream in my dreams away but they keep on defeating me
Even Shadows have Shadows
Welcome to the dusty subconscious of an actor
Who murdered his childhood to stop the audience's laughter
Even Shadows have Shadows
How am I to break free from my fears
When I don't like what I see and I can't feel what I hear
Even Shadows have Shadows
So don't judge my book by it's cover
Cause my story's just fucked up as any other
i worked 12 hours til 4am on friday and it was busy as fuck. then when I got home I realized I left my cell phone at work at that dani was going to be in town on saturday and would probably want to hang out early. so I got 4 hours sleep so that I could arive on time and meet her and pick up my cell from my work.
chilled with dani all saturday. that went really well and I feel good about it. it left we with a rare smile on my face I haven't had in a while. she also made me think about somthing that I kind of pushed to the back of my mind these days. I keep rushing around stressing about my own small and insignifigant life and about money and stupid things like drawing and music....not that they're stupid, but when you become a volunteer or get involved with an issue you believe passionately in, you start to see your own life in a little better of a perspective. that was a thought i needed pushed in there.
then after that I went back to work and worked another 12 hours. that was a bitch. when I woke up at noon on sunday I met up with nick so we could watch the world cup, but we met up with andrew Moncrieff and his ex-girlfriend Jazmine so we went back to moncrieffs place around elgin and smoked a J. at 2 we went to watch the world cup but all the bars were packed, so eventually we found one and watched it while getting drunk.
it was a sad game but I refuse to dwell on a stupid soccer game, even if i did have a chance at getting 300 bucks from my bar. the more pressing issue is: why doesn't canada have a good enough team to get into the world cup? if the U.S. and places like GHANA can get a soccer team, why the fuck can't we??? its like hockey without the skates or sticks!
after that, nick and I copped another dube and I started drinking Old E with christie and val, that evening we went to an art and hiphop show that Jordan McKie was participating in. the live hiphop was SO DOPE. dan, I don't know if you're reading this buddy, but you would have shit your pants and would have been like a 6 year old on christmas. like, simply put, it was dope. sick. use any ghetto term for amazing you like.
after that, we went back to my place and drank more and went to Mod night at Babylon. they play a lot of 80's music and I think dani would have liked it. that was a good time. Oliver's roommate ended up shacking up with my roommate but i try to stay out of that business.
this morning I thought I'd lost my wallet but I found it at the last minute. christie was a godess for me. she helped me clean my place, do the dishes, gave me bus tickets and treated me to dinner because she knew that I have a pay check from my work that I'm cashing tomorrow when my money troubles will begin to melt.
anyways. I'm trying to keep my spirits up and trying to keep contemplating that great question of who I actually am, what I want, where I'm headed and what the fuck I'm going to do about it.
I stand alone
Burned every bridge over the troubled water
No longer hiding from my personality disorder
A stronger tide is coming, I've been running
trying to function fine with out my mind
climbing out this fucking corner
I was born a thorn away from the rotten petals
A forgotten rebel
craft in the absence of heaven's heavy hands to develop an evident level of benevolence
so it's probably better I sold my soul to the devil
This is a message to anyone I met that thinks they know me
Don't pretend to understand none of the issues that I'm holding
I was in a rush to grow up, look Mom no cuts
Just a stomach in disgust, and the fear
that I might go nuts this year
If I don't slow up I'll see you on my way
One day this shit'll kill me but I guess that it's OK
I've lost all faith in a world so full of hate
and I don't fucking love music I just use it to escape
I'm caught between wanting to punch someone in the face
and putting a bullet in my head to leave the human race
Everything takes its toll but there's no tolls I can take
I haven't yet found a good reason to be awake
Introducing the corroded bumps I hide behind my smile
I'm angry at the universe for the way she treats me now
And keeps me down,
stealing all my energy
I'm feeling like my enemy, concealing my identity
Not dealing with my tendencies,
I peel the skin and then I squeeze
The real imprinted hand cause he's
not human in this century,
I'm kneeling to the entity
Who built this penitentiary,
as filthy as a centipede
And guilt was in his sense cause he was willing to just let me bleed, While I wore a game face
In 10 years don't check for me I'll be in the same place
This planet's just an over-populated mental hospital
Each zombie walk around constitutes another obstacle
So here it is I'm finally coming out my shell
All 19 years of my life have been in conflict with myself
I'm insecure by every facet of my existence
From my addictions, to the condition I choose to live in
Who you kidding?
I suffer from excess anxiety
A product of pollution in American society
Stare into my eyes and see the hell that burns inside my mind
and I no longer have an ego I can hide behind
but I've been trying disregarding my insanity
Every form of art isolates us from humanity
But it's provoked against being force fed
so Fuck education for a decade and 3 years
of headaches from my peers
Cause now I realize I could have learned more on my own
They taught me how to know everything except my soul
Which is everything I need to grow
Everything that keeps me whole
Everything that ever meant anything to Eyedea
So I leave with golden hopes
to rip the leash that holds my focus
but the fact remains the same, I'm still bound by chains
It doesn't matter if your chain is 10 ft or 100 ft
The fact remains the same, you're still bound by chains
Some people say I've changed, and it's harder to relate to me
Good, I never liked you our friendship was make believe
I'm peeling the mask back and
revealing the rap that's been
Feeling my organs drilling short distorted portions
of morbid acid keeps the torture unfortunately crafted
interests to orbit my portrait and inflict my image with disorder
The minutes get shorter, the walls start to close in
Feels like the brain is hanging on by one clothes pin
I've hidden in the darkness for too long
I make it look all right but on the inside it's all wrong
I want life to change but I don't know if it can
for a man or machine or whatever the fuck I am
I stand alone burned every bridge over the trouble water
No longer hiding from my personality disorder
You want to die in my life?
then come and stay in madness' favorite little corner
Cause even shadows have shadows
and my secrets are eating me eagerly feeding
I scream in my dreams away but they keep on defeating me
Even Shadows have Shadows
Welcome to the dusty subconscious of an actor
Who murdered his childhood to stop the audience's laughter
Even Shadows have Shadows
How am I to break free from my fears
When I don't like what I see and I can't feel what I hear
Even Shadows have Shadows
So don't judge my book by it's cover
Cause my story's just fucked up as any other