It's been forever, but I needed to rant

[a58hobbit]

I have a boyfriend.  On Sunday it will be a year and 7 months of being together.  I love him so much that I have realized I do a lot to try to make him happy.  I've started thinking that maybe he doesn't notice it because he expects it.  I don't clean the apartment, and he wishes I would, but I'm not a housewife type.  I try to keep it neat, but that doesn't really work all the time.  I'm leaving for a week long trip for my grandmother's surgery on Sunday and he doesn't seem to care that I'll be gone for a week.  I spend a lot of time trying to look good for him today, and when he comes home he says "It seems like the place is getting messier, not cleaner."  I have to prod him for a compliment, and he doesn't ever give me a kiss and hug hello anymore unless I initiate it.  I just want some unasked for attention.  Why can't he show he loves me anymore without my asking for it?  I know that when I am upset, I clean.  I don't want him getting me upset just so I can clean the apartment, and sometimes i wonder if he is trying to "train" me.  He gives me affection if I do something that he likes.  He ignores me when there is nothing done that he likes.  I have to bribe him for attention a lot of times and he still thinks I'm childish.  It's hard to live with someone who claims to think logically, but refuses to agknowledge that not all feelings are logical.  I'm sure his feelings for me aren't logical at all cause I am just a leech on his finances.

I used to think I could tell him why I was upset, but I don't feel that way anymore, so here is my outlet for the day.

Thanks for the release.