my pens paint people that i've proven wrong
MY apology
Tuesday I had an SGA meeting after school and flew to the Key Club meeting for like 5 minutes. Then to History review for a couple minutes… only to leave for Puttin’ on the Hits practice. That was chaos. For those of you who weren’t there its where a group lip syncs to a song…. makes idiots out f themselves etc. Allison asked me to be in it like back in late November or something and I said yes…. because I don’t know how to say no. There really wasn’t harm in it. So I thought. We get together in December and decide to do like a Spice Girls: Where the Are Now. Baby…with a baby…Sporty gets fat etc. But of course I wasn’t able to go to rehearsal (1 or the 2) till the day before and after a Spice Girl dropped out. I was stuck being Posh Spice. Bleh. Of all Spice Girls. So apparently Posh Spice turns out being a crazed soccer fan. (Beckham…don’t ask) Basically the night the show everything is horrible and wrong and I’m spazzing because I was so terrified of going up in front of all of these people and being an idiot. I’m backstage, ready to cry and Kristy and Jane were there just being… incredible. Saying things like, “It doesn’t matter…you are great (or as Jane said, fine). Go out there be a fool, have fun. Just have fun.” Being who I am I just walked away still fuming. Went onstage and got it over with. Thankfully, other friends in the audience would give the occasional, “Woopwoop!” and “Go Arly!” etc. and it just felt… good. (Thanks by the way)
When we were done I just flew out of there as fast as I could and went home. In the car, I cried, not because I was embarrassed because of what I did but more because of what I had become. I used to be like that, carefree and free of hang-ups… I used to have that attitude. It was Carmen that saved me. Way back when we were in like the second grade and I wanted to be like everyone else. Now I’m an insecure cliché teenage girl. I’m sorry I let everyone I left behind down and I’m sorry that I’m everything I’ve ever hated.
That’s happened a lot since I’ve moved. I see my best and worst traits (from before and now) in other people.
My mom said something interesting in the car though. “Maybe now you won’t look down on others that seemed that way to you.”
My mom is awesome. And for everyone that I ever did that to, I’m sorry. Really. And for the Jane’s and Kristy’s and everyone, thanks for reminding me of who I was and what I am.
<3Arly-Lian
Tuesday I had an SGA meeting after school and flew to the Key Club meeting for like 5 minutes. Then to History review for a couple minutes… only to leave for Puttin’ on the Hits practice. That was chaos. For those of you who weren’t there its where a group lip syncs to a song…. makes idiots out f themselves etc. Allison asked me to be in it like back in late November or something and I said yes…. because I don’t know how to say no. There really wasn’t harm in it. So I thought. We get together in December and decide to do like a Spice Girls: Where the Are Now. Baby…with a baby…Sporty gets fat etc. But of course I wasn’t able to go to rehearsal (1 or the 2) till the day before and after a Spice Girl dropped out. I was stuck being Posh Spice. Bleh. Of all Spice Girls. So apparently Posh Spice turns out being a crazed soccer fan. (Beckham…don’t ask) Basically the night the show everything is horrible and wrong and I’m spazzing because I was so terrified of going up in front of all of these people and being an idiot. I’m backstage, ready to cry and Kristy and Jane were there just being… incredible. Saying things like, “It doesn’t matter…you are great (or as Jane said, fine). Go out there be a fool, have fun. Just have fun.” Being who I am I just walked away still fuming. Went onstage and got it over with. Thankfully, other friends in the audience would give the occasional, “Woopwoop!” and “Go Arly!” etc. and it just felt… good. (Thanks by the way)
When we were done I just flew out of there as fast as I could and went home. In the car, I cried, not because I was embarrassed because of what I did but more because of what I had become. I used to be like that, carefree and free of hang-ups… I used to have that attitude. It was Carmen that saved me. Way back when we were in like the second grade and I wanted to be like everyone else. Now I’m an insecure cliché teenage girl. I’m sorry I let everyone I left behind down and I’m sorry that I’m everything I’ve ever hated.
That’s happened a lot since I’ve moved. I see my best and worst traits (from before and now) in other people.
My mom said something interesting in the car though. “Maybe now you won’t look down on others that seemed that way to you.”
My mom is awesome. And for everyone that I ever did that to, I’m sorry. Really. And for the Jane’s and Kristy’s and everyone, thanks for reminding me of who I was and what I am.
<3Arly-Lian