Trying to forget so i can remember
It's all really odd that when your life becomes the easiest it's ever been, you realize that it is much more complicated than you thought.
My mind turns in several different directions at once. Much like the change in the weather (from cold to hot in one day) my mind seems to change it's course. It isn't so much the thoughts, it's more or less the feelings. It's hard to explain while still trying to remain vague and numb. It's obvious that I am not numb, although I do try to be. Most of the time my intentions are to be numb, but this time I let them get the best of me.
When I think back I can almost see everything perfectly as it's playing out, I can hear the laughs and see the smiles and feel what I felt. It's not so much in my stomach, I think it's rather a knot in my lower throat, that causes me to lose my breath when I reflect.
I want so badly to forget. Mainly because it would be too wonderful, or too horrible and they both are frightening.
I want to forget so I can remember why I am where I am now, and why it's not there.
I guess all I can do is pray and seek answers there, because through much deliberation I can see I will get none here.
___________________________________________
JIMMY- thank you so much for your answer. It helped alot. I'm going to go to a priest I feel more comfortable with. And I have found some resolution within the time frame of the wait. THANKS AGAIN
My mind turns in several different directions at once. Much like the change in the weather (from cold to hot in one day) my mind seems to change it's course. It isn't so much the thoughts, it's more or less the feelings. It's hard to explain while still trying to remain vague and numb. It's obvious that I am not numb, although I do try to be. Most of the time my intentions are to be numb, but this time I let them get the best of me.
When I think back I can almost see everything perfectly as it's playing out, I can hear the laughs and see the smiles and feel what I felt. It's not so much in my stomach, I think it's rather a knot in my lower throat, that causes me to lose my breath when I reflect.
I want so badly to forget. Mainly because it would be too wonderful, or too horrible and they both are frightening.
I want to forget so I can remember why I am where I am now, and why it's not there.
I guess all I can do is pray and seek answers there, because through much deliberation I can see I will get none here.
___________________________________________
JIMMY- thank you so much for your answer. It helped alot. I'm going to go to a priest I feel more comfortable with. And I have found some resolution within the time frame of the wait. THANKS AGAIN