Nov 09, 2005 20:47
i am getting really sick of my mother and her bullshit. i make plans for the weekend. tell her about it. she says she'll have to check the day. so i tell her i will let her know but it is def. this weekend. so then today i bring it up. she denies i ever brought it up. she tells he she has planned for her, my father, me to go to new hamspire for a week. well i told her my plans a week before. and she said nothing of new hampshire. i questioned her and became angry at her. she told me she did not tell me she made the plans because she didn't want me angry like i am now. i asked her " you lied to me" she denied it. so i asked "so you hide the truth from me for your own personal benifit." and then i told her to shut up because she was attempting to put some irrational just to the shit she was saying. and then i went home and cried for a long time. it gets like this alot. i am sick of my mother insane and unreasonable actions. i am sick of being the victim to her flaws. she doesn't see things the way i do. she sees what she wants. i love her yes. and she loves me. in some controling forceful way...yes. yet i do not like her. and i do not get along with her and i hold this grudge for her. i will not go to new hampshire. its lonely up there. makes me feek very hollow and emotionless. i hate being with my parents alone. no cable. no internet. and long distance phone which my mom is anal about if i call someone from there. my friends and my bf are all i have. without them. even for a few days i begin to fall apart. they don't see nor realize that. and even if i did tell my mom she would deny it, laugh and then say we were going anyways. just the way its always been. i am sick of it. but i find rebeling just hurts myself more. but i will not become a slave to their rules. they do not understand what they do to me.