(no subject)
I can't wait to move, I want to shake things up a bit, my life is so predictable right now...sleep, work, eat....
I always imagined myself in New York or Paris, in my own little apartment, great clothes, atleast a couple great friends..
I have always wanted to travel.....
I would argue with my brother because he would say the best thing in life was *money* and I would say it was enjoying yourself, having a good time, and following your heart/dreams, I told him my dreams about traveling and just picking up and going whenever I wanted to, he laughed and said I was ignorant.....I talked to my brother a few months ago and he said he was wrong, he now wants to travel, and he wants to work on cars, race cars, not for the money, but because he loves that sorta thing, he opened his shop so he can mess around, he said he didn't mind not making much money, living cheap!
And that makes me sad....because I want to do what I like, and not worry about money or anything else...I don't know why my life didn't turn out like i thought it would, but I guess thats how it always is, you meet someone and fall in love....I love kenny...but sometimes I want to pause our relationship and do what I want, have fun, and go crazy.....but I know it can't be that way, I can't tell kenny I want to split up just until I grow up alittle, travel, and I would be back when I am ready to settle down, have a career, a house, etc...that's not fair to him, and I know he would meet someone just as good *or better* than me and he would forget about me....and at the same time I do not really want to leave kenny, but just be young and do whatever I want at any time I want to...Kenny is ready to settle down and he wants to start a career and all that jazz, he has gone through the 'young, reckless, crazy' years already, since he was 15 or so he has been doing whatever the hell he wanted to do.........he always tells me that I need to be young while I still can, that I need to spend time partying all night, being crazy, etc...lol, he is planning a weekend in panama city for us the weekend before we go to LA because i have been working so much and everything...it's just so hard for me to be young when we have bills and just so so so many things to worry about, and i cant be young when i have to come home to take care of the house and the dog and KENNY (lol)
I know it's not Ken's fault, I have always been like this, worrying about everything, taking care or everyone, making sure everyone has everything they need...its my nature....but I wish it wasnt.....
I hope people dont read this and think I am not happy in my relationship...I am, I am happier than ever before...and Ken encourages me to follow my heart and he would let me do anything I wanted to do...I am just remembering what I always thought my life would be...and it is nothing like that...does this happen to everyone?