Hope's End Guest Post: Day 2
Welcome to Day 2 of Hope’s End! This is where guest writers can have their characters post to the network. These posts will be handled the same way as any other post to the network, but we'll keep them grouped together for everyone's sanity.
All guest characters arrived in Hope’s End with a communicator that resembles a Blackberry. These have text, ( Read more... )
All guest characters arrived in Hope’s End with a communicator that resembles a Blackberry. These have text, ( Read more... )
I was… never competent enough to please my father. Never strong enough to protect the village… [His arms tightened around his knees, nails digging into the fabric of his own coat.] If I hadn’t become stronger… Father would have continued to send assassins to eradicate my existence. I failed… at my purpose for living.
You are not useless, Ishtar… You are kind and selfless. You are wanted by others… needed… liked… accepted… even loved. [He remembered Duzell, the vampire king from her world, who was obviously in love with the princess. Another case of unrequited love, for she harbored romantic feelings toward her bodyguard.
His gaze shifted over to look at the girl, eyes cloudy and melancholic.] I understand that feeling as well… Sai… I told you before, that he doesn’t regard me with romantic affection. I don’t know… if he ever will. [Chasing, chasing… He had always been trying to earn someone’s love and devotion, whether it be his father, his mother, his uncle… and all three of them wanted nothing to do with him. It was cruel, for him to see other normal families and bonds and relations, and know that he would never be able to attain them. And friends? Back home? He just wanted to scoff at that notion. What friends?
Feeling drained of energy, his sand stopped attacking her. He was still mentally unstable, but too emotionally fatigued to continue trying to drive her away. Ishtar had great persistence, and it was the one domineering quality that could breach his barrier. It was easy for people to walk away from him; very few were actually willing to stay and put up with his numerous flaws and quirks.
Lowering his eyes shamefully, Gaara mumbled in a quiet tone.] I don’t have loved ones… [Even if there were people that loved him, he wouldn’t know how to identify it, let alone be able to acknowledge and believe in it.
His head tipped down, resting against the conjunction of his knees as he withdrew further. With the rage dispersed for the time being, he felt cold and empty inside. In the past, anger had been his greatest ally whenever he felt pain. It was something secure that he could fall back on - dependable and reliable. Now… Now, he didn’t know what to do.]
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[ Their situation wasn't any different from one another. It's just that Ishtar's seemed to be a little easier. Gaara had it rougher, but it's all the same isn't it? Growing up with expectations, growing up expecting to lead people but none of those decisions were made by them. It was forced on them, pushed on them. That's what it was like to be born with the burden of expectations. She knew all too well exactly how he felt even if the feelings aren't one hundred percent correct. It was closer than he thought, the similarities they shared.
She never understood his reasons for being empathetic about her situation because his own was no different. She wondered why he didn't just tell her the truth. She would rather hear the harsh truth than listen to sugar coated lies. He probably knew that though. There's no point in dwelling on it anymore.
It's because he's never seen her other side. The crude, selfish princess who liked to order people around. If something didn't go her way she's scream so it would be the way she wanted. Of course, she never told him that. It wasn't important. She knew herself that she wasn't a perfect person. No matter how sweet or kind she was, she couldn't hide the fact that she could be just as cruel if given the chance to but despite all that he's right, she's got a good head on her shoulders.
She did things without worrying about the outcome. She protected others without thinking about her own well being but what did it all mean anyway? If they can't have a normal life, they should strive for a better one. A life that's close enough to a normal life but with their own ideals and their own powers. She doesn't believe that being normal is everything. She had never thought once that he was a monster.
No matter what she wouldn't judge him because he was a little dangerous and she admitted he wasn't the easiest person to watch fight but it was for his own reasons right? He had ideals and he wanted them fulfilled just as Duzell had no reason for his own race's existence so he decided war was the answer. Even so, she still cared about the vampire king. Gaara was a different person completely, but she was understanding and forgiving. Whatever he did she wouldn't hate him for it. He was her friend after all and like a younger brother to her.
This fragile, red haired boy who didn't know how to control his overflowing emotions. Ishtar held a great dislike for the doctors. She wouldn't forgive them. They had passed the line of no return and even if they were to make up for the things they did, it wasn't enough. They had to suffer. She knew that revenge was stupidly pointless and there was no end to it but even so she still wanted to make them suffer for the hell she had to go through as well as everyone else sharing the same emotions. Ishtar disliked this part of him.
The side that hid his emotions from everyone, wearing a stupid mask thinking that it was better for everyone else not to know. She knew that feeling.
She always felt that it was better to hide her sorrow than show it. ]
I don't care if it's expected. You can change that. You don't need to go through with the burden by yourself
No… It’s expected of me to carry the burden… alone. I won't promise you anything because I don't know myself what will happen in the future, but I'm going to do what I can to show you it while I still can. I can show it to you rather than giving you promises.
[ She's still moving towards him quietly, forcefully. She was in pain but she was neglecting it because she wanted to be by his side. That fragile little boy. How she never saw it before was a surprise to her. She didn't know he was so vulnerable, so easily pained. She knew things but they were on a small level that should hardly understand. When he was telling her all of this, it became clearer. She began to slowly understand his problems and him as a person.
Even saying that, he had no choice but to be affected because he was human and because he had emotions. That's why he was affected. It was more proof than she needed to see that he was just as human as everyone else no matter how dangerous or powerful he came off to be. ]
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Gaara.
Promises....they're hard to talk about. They can be made with the utmost care but they can also be shattered easily, but have you thought about why promises are broken? Maybe they had reasons, or maybe they had no choice. If he was taken away, he wouldn't be able to do anything right? It's painful, but having promises and breaking them, they're all part of being...well you know human. It applies to you too. It doesn't matter what you have inside of you or what you appear like. If you can show emotions like this and show your own pain then you're more than just a monster. Monsters don't have hearts. Monsters don't sacrifice themselves for others and monsters, they wouldn't be in pain because they've lost their companion but you are right? You're in pain, sad, and upset....It's frustrating isn't it? To be helpless.
[ Ishtar took another step forward closer to him. He looked so small and delicate right now. She couldn't even tell before because he always had a strong front, but she got what he meant. No one knew how he felt on the inside because he was always the same on the outside. At least with this she could see him for him and not a stupid mask that he wears. At least it was working a little, she was beginning to learn more about him. ]
No..powers can be a scary things. Abilities can be terrifying. Just because you have power doesn't mean you earn respect. I don't mean it like that. You're dad's a bastard. No father should have their child suffer lengths to gain power. It may sound ridiculous but people like that aren't qualified to be parents. So just because you fail you lose your will to live? Is that it?
[ She gives him a soft look. ] Even if you fail a hundred thousand times, it's better to get back up. If you let yourself fall even further then you'll be lost. You shouldn't abandon yourself because you failed once or twice or even a couple of times. If I were your parents I would be proud of you for being where you are and being able to do so many things, even if having powers is not always the best thing in the world, it's still something. You just have to get stronger, but it doesn't have to be strong enough as long as you're trying with all your heart.
We're not on me right now Gaara. We're on you and don't start with this. Just because I have that doesn't mean you don't. You have friends, and family, and people who care about you. You're just choosing not to see it. I'm sure a lot of people care about you and they accept you. You just have to find them. Don't I count? I care about you and I don't care about what you are or what you're capable of. Like I already said you're just Gaara and no one else. Just like I'm just Ishtar and no one else.
Hey maybe not now but you'll never understand if you think it's the end. You'll have to keep persisting right. Force it out of him. I'm sure you can come to an understanding about your affection towards him. I don't know much about him but maybe he's kinda like you. He doesn't understand emotions and feelings? It's also a possibility right. Even if he isn't the one and even it's going to hurt you, you can always start over...and make your way slowly back up. You never know.
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[ He'll find his place. She was certain of that. Even if his family didn't want anything to do with him, he can make his own family and obtain his own family. That's what Ishtar did. She tried to find a familial atmosphere with the people she was around and because she was persisting, she somehow made some progress even if those people would never return again. It was fine. The feelings were there. When he finally stopped attacking her, she was able to move freely again, taking barely normal steps, her legs were shaking from pain and so was the rest of her body. She didn't stop though, she kept walking slowly until she reached him.
He was always like this thinking that he doesn't have friends. She's seen a few people. If they weren't friends they were at least companions. ]
Really...you don't not one? Are you forgetting the number of people here, your siblings maybe? I know it's not the same but it's something right? You have siblings you want to protect don't you? Friends? They're all considered 'loved ones' aren't they? You're really--
[ Forget it she was too tired to try to explain anymore, but finally reaching him with her pathetic strength, she falls on her knees. ]
You're an idiot Gaara if you think that no one cares about you. [ Even though she's already done this to him a couple of times, she's going to do it again. She slightly raised herself from the floor and leaned forward to hug his curled form. ]
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Emotions were weak. Bonds were weak. Family stood in the way of seeking power. Being tied to others just created additional, unnecessary liabilities. He was too soft. Too frail. Too attached. If he could only sever his ties to anything and anyone that kept him bound and restrained, unable to reach his full potential, then maybe there would be a glimmer of hope for him to become strong. But as he was… his efforts could only result in failure.
He despised being helpless. It meant he could do nothing to change the outcome of the situation. And from his past experiences, when people ran out of their utility, they were discarded. There had been a number of attempts to replace him, in the roles where he failed before. As the Ultimate Weapon of Suna, as the host of the One Tail, as the Kazekage… People had always wanted to get rid of him, for one reason or another. It was no wonder he saw so little value in his own existence, in spite of his innate will to survive.]
Don’t make promises… that can’t be honored… [He shook his head, violently.] No lies… I hate lies… They lied to me for so long… [He was mumbling somewhat incoherently, his mind caught between the past and the present. Memories that were unconsciously suppressed, but not erased. With just a small crack in his mental barrier, they sneakily trickled into his head.
Behind his tightly-closed lids, he could see Yashamaru smiling down at him. Looking right at him, instead of through him, or shuffling away. Unafraid of touching him, let alone being in his proximity. Spending time with him, through the long hours of the night, when everyone else was asleep. Answering all of his incessant questions, no matter how inane or tedious. Showing him nothing but the utmost patience, when he should have been frustrated, time and time again. His face, resembling that of his mother, to the point where young Gaara thought… hoped… that maybe, just maybe, if Yashamaru loved him, then it meant his mother did too.
The memories blurred, merging with others in his lost and bewildered state. Instead of Yashamaru’s long blond locks, it was short black strands that now crossed his view. Glimpses of a plastic smile passed through his mind’s eye, and were quickly replaced with the soft curve of a rare true smile that caused warmth to abruptly flutter inside of his chest. A pale hand reaching for his smaller one, their fingers intertwining together, showing him that he wasn’t alone. Dark eyes staring down at him - all of him - without a hint of disgust. Lips that drove up his heart rate, making him feel… new sensations and emotions that he hadn’t even thought possible. The whisper of selfless devotion that elicited a shiver of unexpected delight from him.
Having experienced happiness, he didn’t think he could return to just being content anymore. It wasn’t enough. He would always be craving something that… remained out of reach. Just like before.
“Your dad’s a bastard.”
Her assessment was a severe understatement. She really had no idea what kind of father the Fourth was… and Gaara didn’t feel particularly inclined to tell her. His siblings knew, and both of them still hated their father, even to this day. They certainly had no qualms with speaking ill of the dead.
Gaara vaguely heard her speaking to him, the words moving in through his muddled mind, some of them sticking, while others just lingered around. How could she possibly feel proud of him? What had he done to earn her respect, let alone her pride? He just did what was expected of him, as usual. In the past two years, he had become accustomed to assuming certain roles for the need of attaining compliance or acceptance from others. It was false, and he knew that. Because they didn’t know who he really was… nothing more than a shadow of his true identity.
The physical contact startled him back to reality. Slowly, he lifted his head, looking at the princess up close as she knelt near him, too tired and hurt to move much more.]
Ishtar… You’re injured…
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Out of instinct, Gaara started to reach toward one site of blood on her arm, but then pulled back at the last second before making contact. Touching the area would only aggravate her wound.]
You need medical attention…
[But he didn’t make a move to leave, even though he should have. It felt strange, to go against his engrained training and submit to selfish desire. For a long time, he had been forced to refrain from doing what he wanted, in favor of doing what was necessary, what was right. Even when he had been locked in the jaws of insanity, he couldn’t always do what he wanted.
What did he want? Did he even know?]
......
[The confused redhead stayed quiet, keeping his arms around his frail, injured friend. His sand surrounded them on the ground, emitting a different kind of warmth from his chakra rather than the heat of the sun. Gaara felt a fresh stab of pain whenever he looked down and saw her discolored skin, knowing full well he was the cause. It was a sharp reminder of how much he had hurt her, both physically and emotionally. Sadly, her current injuries weren’t even the worst of what he could have done to her.
Maybe if she knew what he was really capable of… she would hate him then.]
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[ He shouldn't be listening to those stupid words. She doesn't believe they are right. People, human beings needed others to support them to help them stand up. The loneliness being the only person in power, being the only one that cared about themselves. She thinks they're weaknesses. If she didn't have the support from the friends and family she had made here, she wouldn't be standing where she was with all her strength.
As cheesy as it sounded, she liked the feeling of being supported and having weakness. When she accepted those weaknesses she could move on find a way to trample on those weaknesses. She doesn't think that friends and family are weaknesses. They were strength. They were support and leverage when she needed them the most. If it weren't for Yujinn, she would never be able to handle the rest of this place by herself until now. Yujinn, how she doubted and disliked him for some time. How she learned about him and how he died....and how protective she truly was of her cousin at this point.
They had been through so much together and she refused to think that it was a weakness to have someone by your side. She didn't like his father from what he was telling to her. She probably knew he wasn't even close to a bastard. Something far worst would be suitable if she knew. He sounded even more pig headed than her selfish uncle who treated his son like crap and decided that he was nothing more than a tool. She could probably understand a little of how Illsaide felt when he realized that Jened was his dad. It must have been a horrible feeling much like how Gaara was feeling. It made her insides twist just thinking about it. ]
You can say that, but it won't do you any good. You're going to be hurt and betrayed many times. You'll be trampled over with endless promises that were broken. Even if you don't want to be lied to, people lie and you can't change that. You have to accept that fact no matter how much you hate it, Gaara. You know, I hate being lied to too. I don't like being told things that can't be fulfilled but what can you do if shit happens?
[ She doesn't know what's going on with his mind. She hardly even knew what he was thinking right now. All she knew was that he was in pain and that was more than enough to alarm her. If he would tell her these things she would agree with him if she knew what kind of father his dad was. She'd probably back hand the dad if she ever met him. She was fearless and she didn't like to deal with people with those kinds of attitudes or parents who don't know how to love their children. She would never do that to her children if she had any. It was wrong.
The question is how can she not? From the short time she knew this boy she learned many things from him and she tried to teach him things as well in hopes of him learning and assessing them. She would be proud of her kids for being the way they were. She wasn't going to condemn them because they weren't good enough. They just have to keep trying. Despite her own pain she's going to tighten her grip on him, ignoring his line. She knew she was injured. He didn't need to remind her. She doesn't care about something as minimal as a few scratches and bruises. They would heal with time and they'll go away. His pain however, won't be that easy to get rid of. ]
I'm fine. It's not as bad as it looks.
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[ Even if it hurts, as long as she got to him somehow it was worth the stupid pain. She's been done through worst. Hell she still had something she'd kept from him. The one moment she experienced death. No on knew about that one and if they knew who did it...it wouldn't be pretty either. So, she kept it to herself and accepted help from the guy that had done her through once with a terrible pain she can't forget.
Hell this was nothing at all. She could still move. He wouldn't understand it or was it because he didn't want to understand it? She had no reason to do it. She did it just because. There was no motive behind it no though. It was done because she wanted to do it and because she cared. ]
I can heal it in a few minutes. It won't do anything.
[ She replied not really caring about it too much. She just squeezed him a little. A small smile lined her face.
There was no maybe to that. He knew better than anyone that she wouldn't do that even if she knew what he was capable of. She knew there were many people capable of a lot of dreadful things yet she still hung around them. She didn't mind. It was her own choice to be here so she would accept the pain if needed to keep that relationship with her friends. ]
You can stay like this until you feel better. Don't worry about me.
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