introspective
lately i have been feeling my age. NOT OLD, i know! just...getting bored really. honestly, i'm thinking about my future, and what i want to end up doing with my life. & something that needs to change is my location.
its not the snow. i mean, i got 3 days off work this week, so some cold & wetness i will handle for that. but residing on the west coast is what i need to do. its in my blood, and the older i get, the more i want to find something that i can run with, that i can build on and create. every time i think of things to do, though, i look around and realize i'm in virginia, and i can't start anything because then i'll be stuck here for good and god damnit will i kill myself then.
ryan & i want to move to california, previous home for both of us. he says hollywood; i want to be in southern cal & near a beach, so if they coincide, so be it. honestly, i came from san jose so i'm not familiar with that area at all. throw in the mix, ryan's good friend noah, who comes over & brings all this stuff up. he's heading there end of this year, with friends or alone, but he pushes for us to come with him. ryan & i have not saved much money to do this & noah has saved $3K, so we're hesitant. our lease is up in october, so do we renew or do we wing it, do we just do it because how else are we going to get out there?
the point is, i have no idea what to do. i've already decided i will sell my car, and we will keep ryan's car. kbb rates my car as having a value of $7000 - $8500, but thats not any kind of guarantee. i can save money here and there..how do i know its enough? i worry about not getting a job for forever, and being stuck in ryan's grandma's house (she lives in lawndale). i think he is really fearful of that.
its such a big decision. if anyone had any guidance i would love to hear it...........i suppose i will get out there eventually, the hard part is knowing when i'm ready. i don't want to be stranded, but then i tell myself 'how could you be, ryan has so much family out there, my dad lives out there, blah blah blah'
being such a bump on a log makes it so hard to move.
its not the snow. i mean, i got 3 days off work this week, so some cold & wetness i will handle for that. but residing on the west coast is what i need to do. its in my blood, and the older i get, the more i want to find something that i can run with, that i can build on and create. every time i think of things to do, though, i look around and realize i'm in virginia, and i can't start anything because then i'll be stuck here for good and god damnit will i kill myself then.
ryan & i want to move to california, previous home for both of us. he says hollywood; i want to be in southern cal & near a beach, so if they coincide, so be it. honestly, i came from san jose so i'm not familiar with that area at all. throw in the mix, ryan's good friend noah, who comes over & brings all this stuff up. he's heading there end of this year, with friends or alone, but he pushes for us to come with him. ryan & i have not saved much money to do this & noah has saved $3K, so we're hesitant. our lease is up in october, so do we renew or do we wing it, do we just do it because how else are we going to get out there?
the point is, i have no idea what to do. i've already decided i will sell my car, and we will keep ryan's car. kbb rates my car as having a value of $7000 - $8500, but thats not any kind of guarantee. i can save money here and there..how do i know its enough? i worry about not getting a job for forever, and being stuck in ryan's grandma's house (she lives in lawndale). i think he is really fearful of that.
its such a big decision. if anyone had any guidance i would love to hear it...........i suppose i will get out there eventually, the hard part is knowing when i'm ready. i don't want to be stranded, but then i tell myself 'how could you be, ryan has so much family out there, my dad lives out there, blah blah blah'
being such a bump on a log makes it so hard to move.