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Just call me Arianna Howel : Private Investigator.
Because that is so much cooler than Arianna Howell : Crazy Stalker From HellDenial really is a better thing to use when you don't want to lose your nerve about conning someone into giving you Dan's current class and when he was getting out. And I felt so spiffy in my favorite sunglasses and jeans ( Read more... )
Because that is so much cooler than Arianna Howell : Crazy Stalker From HellDenial really is a better thing to use when you don't want to lose your nerve about conning someone into giving you Dan's current class and when he was getting out. And I felt so spiffy in my favorite sunglasses and jeans ( Read more... )
Don't smile too much at that. Smile casually. Stop smiling too wide, he didn't mean it like you think he did. Stop it Arianna, or so help me I'll... beat myself up... somehow... shut up.
I'm crap at telling myself what to do, I've noticed this. It's sad in it's own way, really it is.
"It's not for everybody. I knew I wanted to be a lawyer when I was a little kid, I look at this as part of the deal. I guess if you want something bad enough, you'll go after it no matter what kind of hell they drag you through to get to it."
I sort of envy him right now, I've never wanted anything that badly. Even in England with the training, the only time I wanted to be the best was when that little bitch Catherine almost hit me with one of her daggers to be funny. Which wasn't in the slightest, and I proceeded to show her that.
"I don't think I've ever actually wanted something bad enough like that..." No, I take that back. I want him. But I sort of made my moves when I was drunk. And regardless of those circumstances, I still consider it first move damn it.
"It's not all about getting a degree. Stop worrying about college, it would probably drive you crazy."
"Well see, for me to want a degree, I'd actually have to want a degree in something first." Oh God, he's going to think I'm some directionless deadbeat loser, isn't he.
Confidence Arianna, remember what Alex said. "I guess not everyone knows exactly what they want to do, right?" That didn't sound too bad... alright, maybe I'm getting somewhere. As long as he doesn't take that offensively in any form. Why would he take that offensively? And why in the hell am I so paranoid?
Oh God, why did I come here? My head hurts already.
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She's not interested by very much, is she? Being a vampire slayer probably doesn't help things any either. She has a job, whether she wants it or not. If Arianna did find another interest, she'd have to make it fit in with all of her...slayer stuff. If I was her, I probably wouldn't try. That's not necessarily her reason for not wanting to find a career, but it's a setback all the same.
"Well see, for me to want a degree, I'd actually have to want a degree in something first."
Her comment sent me back to my belief that there just isn't very much in life that interests her. I've met plenty of fickle girls before; one week it's you, the next its your best friend. I doubt Arianna falls into that category with relationships (it could be that I'm just hoping she doesn't, but either way..) but the concept is still there. If there's one thing that Sam keeps reminding me, it's that women are crazy.
And I think he mentioned that his sister was the leader of the pack.
My luck; that's my luck.
"I guess not everyone knows exactly what they want to do, right?"
She's trying to make it sound more general, I can do that.
"Right. Sometimes I wish I'd have tried other things instead of choosing this right away."
But I didn't, end of story. And on to something different...
"How's your visit working out for you so far?"
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I wonder why he didn't, if he really does wish that. I mean, I would. If I had any actual interests career wise, I'd make sure to try a ton of things. Although, that could probably make it worse, could put you right back in a directionless state of mind and the like.
There's a reason why I don't bother with such things.
I look like such a bloody loser next to him, really. It's pathetic. How could this guy ever like me, especially since he's supposed to be sane? What is it, intellectual slumming or something?
That clearly has to be it. I pity him if he doesn't know that's exactly what he's doing. And if he does... I don't pity him. And I'll find some way to elaborate on that one.
"How's your visit working out for you so far?"
"Fine." Wait, my visit here? I'm not visiting everywhere else, so he has to mean here. Oh now I'm confused. Why'd I do this again?
"Okay, I'm going to take a moment to be really really blunt with you." I stopped in the middle of the parking lot, not really giving a damn as to who was listening in. Just let anyone make a comment, it'll help me relieve nerves to hit someone right now.
"I know I told you that I like you. I'm fuzzy as to what you said to me. I remember most of what I did after Sam helped me out, and for that I'm mortally embarassed and I feel like dying over it, but I'm doing my best to cope."
What the hell are you doing?! You weren't supposed to be that blunt! Now look what you did Arianna, you're going to have to go the whole way with this.
"So here's what I want to know from you, okay?" All or nothing... "I want to know if you're at the very least okay with me right now, and you're not just humoring me or anything like that, because it's really upsetting to just be humored like some idiot little school girl with a mindless crush and..."
Rambling. Must stop the rambling. "Look, I'm okay if you don't like me any, I can handle that. I just want to know so I don't go absolutely mad over it." Although he might just think you're mad already, Arianna. You monumental idiot.
Ugh.
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That's a lot to take in. I remember being in a similiar situation when I brought her back to my apartment. Arianna talked, and talked, and talked. It's cuter now; seeing her all worked up about something, and it feels good to know that I was wrong. I thought she was flirting with me because she was drunk.
Now that I know Arianna likes me when she's sober, I should do something about it. I know that Carly is going to have a problem with this. She's against the idea because we're both family to her. It's understandable, but we're hardly acquaintances to each other. I would talk to Arianna when we were at Sam and Carly's, and I tried not to notice her. She's just hard to miss. Gorgeous, intelligent, and fun. There's not a lot of that anywhere in California. I'd be an idiot to let her get away.
"You talk a lot." I grinned, wondering if she'd hit me for it, or just wish she could. Either way, it wouldn't be the first time I'd gotten a girl mad enough to take a shot at me.
Although the first time, it was a miscommunication. The second; it was Carly.
"I mean, I like hearing what you have to say, but I still have to put in a little effort when I want to keep up."
I'm not helping things any. Arianna was blunt, I can do it too.
"I do like you. I wasn't sure how you felt about me. I haven't forgotten about what you said after Sam's party, but I tried not to think much of it. You were drunk. I figured you didn't mean it."
That was almost easy.
"Since you did..." I turned to place a gentle kiss on her lips. Sure, I would have done more if it wasn't so new, but it's a start. If I did what I wanted to she'd think I was just in it for sex.
That's not the impression I want to make. I like Arianna, and I respect her. Ruining this would be as idiotic as letting it go.
"I've wanted to do that for a while."
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I do? Well, yes, I do, but that's just a me thing. "Yeah, I know, I'm working on that." Don't blush, stupid. Although he is smiling, so that's a good sign. Maybe he's not bothered by the fact you seem to have an issue with shutting up.
That would be a good thing. Good omens and... such.
"I mean, I like hearing what you have to say, but I still have to put in a little effort when I want to keep up."
"You're not the first, and I really don't think you'll be the last." At least he's making the effort to understand, most people tend to skip right over that into not hearing a word I say or just telling me to shut up.
Usually it's Carly telling me to shut up, the rest just sort of ignore me. Which I'm used to.
"I do like you."
He does? He doesn't look like he's lying... he does!
"I wasn't sure how you felt about me. I haven't forgotten about what you said after Sam's party, but I tried not to think much of it. You were drunk. I figured you didn't mean it. Since you did..."
What's he-- Oh. That's nice. Didn't last long enough but... wow. And now it's gone. It'd be depressing if not for the high and slightly buzzy feeling. Better than being drunk, actually.
God I feel goofy right now. Alex would probably be cheering me on though, and telling me to jump him. But I'm not going to do that, because I'm sober and... sort of well behaved.
"I've wanted to do that for a while."
My brain clicked into some kind of auto pilot, next thing I know I'm pulling him over, putting my arms around his neck, and kissing him. Short and/or drunk kissing is getting old in a hell of a hurry.
This feels better. I'm definitely not depressed at all anymore. If he really does like me, I don't think this is digging my own grave all that much.
I did say 'sort of well behaved' after all.
"Had to." I said as soon as I caught my breath a little. "Sorry." No I'm not. I think he knows that I'm not. If he doesn't, he should, but I'm not going to say anything about that.
I saw my watch over his shoulder, and winced. Damn, I was supposed to be waiting for that twit from the bookstore to let me know if I got the job, he might have called already.
"Listen, I've got to run, but..." Don't kiss him again. Move away a little, smile. "You have the number, right? I mean, if you don't, I can call you..." I shrugged. "If you want, I mean."
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What in the world would make Arianna think that I wouldn't want to. I just told her that I'm crazy about her, I was pretty clear on that. The kiss seemed to seal the deal, she kissed me back like she understood.
"I have your number. We'll call each other."
Is it really all that important? I wonder if she'd want to go see a movie later if I asked. She might have other plans though, it's short notice. I could have set up something nice if I had been expecting this.
She just got here, I don't want her to leave yet.
"A lot." I grinned, taking a step forward to kiss her again. And again. I can't help myself this time, I should know better than this but...
She's gorgeous, and she likes me. This is good.
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